Hermann Hearsay

Shelbyfest Coming To Hermann

Publised by Jimmy Oldsun, NDRIRSPWRAFTC & Editor

Shelbyfest is coming to Hermann this weekend! Cool Shelby Mustangs of every color! Beautiful paint jobs and shiny chrome wheels! Throaty exhaust noise! I can't wait!

The shiny Mustangs and Shelby Mustangs will begin rolling into Hermann on Thursday. The event begins Friday, April 23 and ends on Sunday, April 25. This is the Fourth Annual Shelbyfest in Hermann and the organizers are anticipating as many as 350 to 400 vehicles this year.
But what's a Shelby? Or more to the point, who is this man named Shelby?

The following information is taken from Wikipedia:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carroll Hall Shelby, (born January 11, 1923 in Leesburg, Texas) is a retired American racing and veteran automotive designer and racing driver.

Personal life

Carroll Shelby was born on January 11, 1923 to Warren Hall Shelby, a rural mail carrier, and his wife Eloise Lawrence Shelby. Shelby suffered heart valve leakage problems by age 7 and spent most of his childhood in bed. By age 14, Shelby's health improved and he was subsequently declared to have "outgrown" his health problems. Shelby's first wife was Jeanne Fields; they married on December 18, 1943. Their daughter Sharon Anne Shelby was born a year later on December 27, 1944. They had two more children; sons named Michael Hall (born November 2, 1946) and Patrick Burke (born October 23, 1947). Shelby and Fields later separated and divorced in February 1960. Shelby later married his current wife Cleo Patricia Marguerita Shelby on September 3, 1997.

Automotive Executive of the Year Award - 2008 Honoree

Carroll Shelby was been named as the 2008 Automotive Executive of the Year and received a lifetime achievement award, honoring a career of excellence in the automotive industry. The award, sponsored by DNV Certification and the Automotive Industry Action Group (AIAG), has been designated by a nominating body, representing automotive journalists, supplier community representatives and automotive industry analysts. Since 1964, the Automotive Executive of the Year Award has recognized excellence in automotive leadership. Past winners include Jim Press, Bill Ford, Dieter Zetsche and Lee Iacocca. The list of past winners illustrates the rich history and honor surrounding this prestigious award.

Life before racing

After graduating from Woodrow Wilson High School in Dallas, Texas, Shelby enlisted in the United States Army Air Corps, serving in World War II as a flight instructor and test pilot.

Driving career

Carroll Shelby has had an impressive impact on automotive racing and design over the last 50 years. Starting out amateur, he soon became a driver for the Cad-Allard, Aston Martin, and Maserati teams during the 1950s. Driving for Donald Healey, in a streamlined and supercharged, specially-modified, Austin-Healey 100S, he set 16 US and international speed records. Teamed with Roy Salvadori, and driving for Aston Martin, he won the 1959 24 Hours of Le Mans.

He drove in the Mount Washington Hillclimb Auto Race in a specially prepared Ferrari roadster, to a record run of 10:21.8 seconds on his way to victory in 1956.

He was Sports Illustrated's driver of the year in 1956 and 1957.

He competed in Formula One from 1958 to 1959, participating in a total of eight World Championship races and several non-championship races.

Shelby the constructor

After retiring from driving in October 1959 for health reasons, he opened a high performance driving school and the Shelby-American company. He obtained a license to import a successful British Sports racing car manufactured by AC Motors of England, installing an American Ford engine rather than its original British Bristol engine, and introduced the car to the American public as an AC Cobra, Later to be known as a Shelby or Shelby Cobra. Shelby did not design or manufacture this car, but he did establish an appreciation for it on the North American Continent. Shelby continued on to be influential with Ford manufactured cars including the GT40, the Mustang-based Shelby GT350 and Shelby GT500, and of course the 427 Shelby Cobra. Parting with Ford, Shelby moved on to help develop performance cars with divisions of the two other Big 3 American companies, Dodge, and Oldsmobile. The most memorable of these cars was the Dodge Viper.

He was inducted into the International Motorsports Hall of Fame in 1991, and the Motorsports Hall of Fame of America in 1992.

In the intervening years Shelby had an interesting series of ventures start and stop (and be stopped) relating to production of 'completion' Cobras (Cobras which were allegedly built using 'left over' parts and frames). In the 1960s, the FIA required entrants (Shelby, Ford, Ferrari, etc.) to produce at least 100 cars for homologated classes of racing. Shelby simply built an insufficient number of cars and skipped a large block of VIN numbers, to create the illusion the company had produced large numbers of cars. Decades later in the 1990s, Carroll alleged that he had found the 'left over' frames, and began selling cars which were supposedly finally 'completed.' After it was discovered the cars were built from scratch in collaboration with McCluskey, Ltd., they were re-termed 'continuation' Cobras. The cars are still built to this day, known as the current CSX4000 series of Cobras.

In 2003, Ford Motor Co. and Carroll Shelby mended ties again. Carroll Shelby became technical advisor to the Ford GT project. In that same year, he formed Carroll Shelby International Inc. based in Nevada.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, get out and take a close look at these wonderful Shelby Mustang cars this weekend. They will once again fill up Fourth and Schiller Streets. Be sure to be there at 12 o'clock noon on Saturday when they rev up their engines! One of the coolest things I've ever experienced! And while you're out enjoying the Shelbyfest this weekend, remember Carroll Shelby, the man who started it all!

Jimmy Oldsun
NDRIRSPWRAFTC & Editor
http://www.hemannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Total # of FREE subscribers: 000281

Subscribers currently online: 000202

New visitors currently online: 000077

Reciprocal websites:

Hermann Hearsay Now A Global Website

Published by Lois Lame, Subscriber Services and Advertising

Hermann Hearsay enrolled its 280th FREE subcriber this weekend when Won Hung Lo from China submitted his subscriber application. We are now confident that we'll hit the 300 subscriber mark in May!

We are also proud to announce that we have had visitors to our site from 193 countries. That means Hermann Hearsay has been visited by people from just about every country around the globe. As a matter of fact, there are only two countries from which we have not been visited. They are: Chile and Madagascar.

Jimmy is considering my request to send me to these two countries to see if we can't enroll some subscribers. If we can do this, we'll be able to boast the broadest global reach of any online daily news website in Hermann. Wouldn't that be COOL!

Lois Lame
Subscriber Services and Advertising
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Total # of free subscribers: 000280

Subscribers currently online: 000207

New visitors currently online: 000087

Reciprocal websites:

Special Report from The Night Desk

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, NDRIRSRWRAFTC & Editor

I regret to report to our readers that Quincy McGoo was exiting the Tin Mill Brewing Company early this afternoon when he was run over by a high-speed bicycle. A member of the Hermann Bicycle Tour Event Staff observed that Mr. McGoo was a wee bit wobbly when he exited the Tin Mill and stepped in front of a cyclist. I suppose there are always going to be a few problems, casualties and consequences when hundreds of bicycles speed through the city limits of Hermann and resident octagenarians have to try to stay out of their way. This afternoon Mr. McGoo became a casualty of Hermann's bicycle tours.

I inteviewed Mr. McGoo over the phone late tonight. Mr. McGoo was resting at home after his frightening ordeal earlier in the day. He was doped up on prescription pain killers pretty good, so it was hard to make out just what he was saying. However, with a publishing deadline looming, I didn't have time to wait until Mr. McGoo was clear-headed. I just did the best I could.

Jimmy: "What happened, Mr. McGoo?"
Mr. McGoo: "RRRRRRR I R don't rightly know son!"
Jimmy: "Well, do you know what hit you, Mr. McGoo?"
Mr. McGoo: "Hot damn! It felt RR like a damned freight train, sonny!"
Jimmy: "It was actually a high-speed bicycle, Mr McGoo."
Mr. McGoo: "Ya don't say?! Well I'll be damned!"
Jimmy: "Folks said you might have had a few beers at the Tin Mill today?"
Mr. McGoo: "That ain't nuthin' new! RRRR I drink beer everyday son!"
Jimmy: "So whadda ya think about all this, Mr. McGoo?"
Mr. McGoo: "RRRR I think the damned bicycles should stay RRRR on the Katy Trail where they belong. RRRR That way I can drink beer here in Hermann like I've done for the past 65 years!"

Maybe Mr. McGoo has a point! How much money have Missouri taxpayers paid to construct and now maintain that nice shady bike trail over there across the river where the M-K-T railroad use to run? Quite a bit, I'd say! But still those bicycle enthusiasts have to clog up our country highways and city streets with their bicycle races. And today they ran over one of Hermann's oldest, best known and most beloved beer aficionados! Hermannites are apparently no longer safe drinking beer in their own town!

Photo: Mr. McGoo and his dog, McBarker

Jimmy Oldsun
NDRIRSRWRAFTC & Editor
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Total # of free subscribers: 000280

Subscribers currently online: 000201

New visitors currently online: 000083

Reciprocal websites:

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Sunday, A Day of Rest at Hermann Hearsay

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, NDRIRSRWRAFTC & Editor

It's a beautiful springtime Sunday here in Hermann. We've had a hectic week here at Hermann Hearsay, so I've decided to give our staff the day off. This is a departure with the past. Clark used to work us on the Sabbath. I feel Lois, Frank and I need one day of rest during the week, so Sunday is going to be the day we spend with our families and refresh our batteries.

Now, I don't want to cheat our FREE subscribers out of a day of service, so I have decided that Sunday will be our day for light-hearted stuff. Some Willie Nelson songs, some jokes, some photos and maybe some poetry. If you like us to cover other things on Sundays, just let us know.

Here's one of my favorite Willie Nelson songs:

Jimmy Oldsun
NDRIRSRWRAFTC & Editor
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Total # of free subscribers: 000279

Subscribers currently online: 000205

New visitors currently online: 000084

Reciprocal websites:

Paranormal Investigations

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, NDRIRSRWRAFTC & Editor

While some from the local area, including a member of an online news blog and a New Haven assistant police chief, went along with so-called "experts and psychics" to observe paranormal activity on Enoch's Knob Rd. Bridge in Franklin County last night, this reporter settled into his easy chair to watch the Cardinals lose to the Mets in 20 innings of baseball. Few remained in Busch Stadium to see the end of this game! Did a ghost from the past take the bats out of the hands of our Redbird batters?

I must say that one has to pause and wonder about the stability of those who are so gullible they would follow so-called "paranomal investigators" out on what amounts to a ghost hunt. But then of course, there are those who go on snipe hunts too. I myself prefer to hunt mushrooms, rabbits and quail.

If I had been one of those who followed the "paranormal investigators" out to Enoch's Knob Rd. Bridge last night, I certainly would have never reported on it to Hermann Hearsay readers. Afterall, we already have a couple critics from CNL who have called Clark mentally unstable. I certainly don't want to give these critics any ammunition to make similar accusations about me!

Ha ha ha! Must have been a slow newsday over at CNL!

Jimmy Oldsun
NDRIRSRWRAFTC & Editor
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Total # of free subscribers: 000279
Subscribers currently online: 000209

New visitors currently online: 000089

Reciprocal websites:

Saturday, April 17, 2010

NOTIFICATION: Subscriber Accounts Transferable and Willable At Hermann Hearsay

Published by Lois Lame, Subscriber Services and Advertising

Several subscribers have asked whether their FREE accounts at Hermann Hearsay are transferable. Not only are our accounts transferable to anyone with an active email address, they are willable upon death to anyone with an active email address. Note that the account may only be willed to one (1) beneficiary only. No "per stirpes" beneficiary designations will be accepted.

We believe we have one of the most liberal account transfer and beneficiary designation policies in the industry.

If you have any questions or a desire to fill out a beneficiary designation or change form, please contact me.

Lois Lame
Subscriber Services and Advertising
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Total # of free subscribers: 000279

Subscribers currently online: 000168

New visitors currently online: 000095

Reciprocal websites:

Friday, April 16, 2010

Letter to County Commissioners from Ivan L. Schraeder of Lowenbaum Law Firm

Published by Clark Kant, Publisher and Editor In Chief,
In collaboration with Jimmy Oldsun, NDRIRSRWRAFTC & Editor
A letter from Attorney Ivan L. Schraeder of the Lowenbaum Law Firm and dated 4/2/2010 was read in open session at this past Thursday's meeting of the Gasconade County Commission.

The letter was address as follows:

Mr. Ron Jost, Presiding Commissioner
County Commission
Gasconade County
119 E. 1st Street
County Courthouse
Hermann, MO 65041-1185

The subject of the letter was referenced as follows:

Re: Official Capacity - County Legal Expenses, Lackman v. Jost, et al

The body of the letter read as follows:

Dear Commissioners:

Now that the Lackman lawsuit against the County has become FINAL and the Trial Court's order reversed, the Trial Court's order prohibiting payment by the County of the costs of litigation has also been reversed. This raised the question as to whether the County can reimburse Associate Commissioner Lairmore and former Associate Commissioner Aubuchon for their legal expenses and attorney fees incurred in the defense of their respective positions in their official capacity as Commissioners of Gasconade County. Inasmuch as the defense of the action was for activities that each of these Commissioners engaged in their official capacity, the County should reimburse each of them for the legal expenses and attorney fees incurred in defending the litigation in their official capacity.

Each of them should provide copies of the bills paid by them to the County Commission for reimbursement immediately. Upon presentation of their legal bills, the reimbursement should be made.

Your attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Ivan L. Schraeder

Stay tuned! The plot is thickening!

At this time Hermann Hearsay is choosing to withhold comment until Jimmy and I can investigate the matter more fully.

The only things which are clear to Hermann Hearsay and which we are prepared to report to our readers at this time are:

1. Defendants in the commissioner salary overpayment lawsuit which was settled some time ago, namely Associate Commissioner Jerry Lairmore and former Associate Commissioner Max Aubuchon, are apparently not satisfied to "leave a sleeping dog lie". Through their attorney, Mr. Schraeder, they are seeking reimbursement of their legal expenses and attorney fees from Gasconade County rather than seeking such reimbursement from the Plaintiffs in the lawsuit against them, 'Sandra Lackman, Matt Penning et al'.

2. Defendants Lairmore and Aubuchon, by and through their attorney Mr. Schraeder, are about to reignite another bittter round of acrimony between the county's three sitting commissioners. Lairmore and Aubuchon have consciously made their choice to procede in this way. We shall now see how far they get with this attempt to get the taxpayers of Gasconade County to pay their legal expenses and attorney fees. We will see how the taxpayers of the county respond.

When Jimmy and I have more to report on this developing matter, we will bring it to ALL of our readers. Unlike our competition over at CNL, we will make our findings and discoveries immediately available to ALL readers. We won't make you PAY for a subscription here at HH to get the important information you need as a taxpaying citizen of this county. Doing so would just be plain un-American!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
Jimmy Oldsun

NDRIRSRWRAFTC & Editor
http://www.bergerbaloneywithmayo.blogspot.com/
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/
http://www.hermannhookups.blogspot.com/

Total # of free subscribers: 000278

Subscribers currently online: 000179

New visitors currently online: 000099

Reciprocal websites:

Jimmy Oldsun Promoted and Given Additional Responsibilities

Published by Clark Kant, Publisher and Editor In Chief

I am pleased to announce that Truman T. Tiger and I have decided to promote Jimmy Oldsun to Editor of 'Hermann Hearsay'. Jimmy will retain his current responsibilities as Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter, and Ambulance/Fire Truck Chaser. Jimmy will take on the responsibilities of Editor along with his current duties. I will be spending more time on the start-up of 'Berger Baloney With Mayo'.

Jimmy's new full title is: Hermann Hearsay Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter, Ambulance/Fire Truck Chaser and Editor.

Jimmy is quite pleased. He has definitely earned the promotion. In order to fit his new title onto his business cards, we have abbeviated his title to "NDRIRSRWRAFTC & Editor".

Unfortunately, we will not be able to give Jimmy a pay raise at this particular time. But we are starting a 401(k) retirement savings account for Jimmy, Lois, Frank and myself. Truman T. Tiger has agreed to fund the 401(k) accounts with TTTNN common stock. The stock is not publicly traded and the share price is undetermined. But we are "betting on the come" that one day in the future, we will all be multi-millionaires. At least, that's what Mr. Tiger has led us all to believe.

Please congratulate Jimmy when you get the chance!

Clark Kant
Publisher and Editor In Chief
www.BergerBaloneyWithMayo.blogspot.com
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com
www.HermannHookups.blogspot.com

Total # of free subscribers: 000277

Subscribers currently online: 000129

New visitors currently online: 000096

Reciprocal websites:

Thursday, April 15, 2010

All Hermann Hearsay Articles Immediately Available To FREE Subscribers and Visitors Alike

Published by Lois Lame, Subscriber Services and Advertising

I want to respond to a rumor that the editorial board and ownership of Hermann Hearsay are planning to move to a "paid subscription business model" and thereby restrict the availability of some articles and reports to paid subscribers only. This rumor is absolutely untrue and is likely intended to cause concern among our loyal readers!

It has been our long-standing policy here at HH to offer FREE subscriptions to ALL of our readers. We will continue that policy, and I have been authorized to guarantee you that we will never, ever change our FREE subscription policy. We will never consider hiding any of our articles or reports from the view of anyone! Frankly, we think adopting such a policy would be a bit tacky! We don't need to employ such tactics to induce you to pay for our reports since we are FREE to everyone. We don't need to advertise the fact that we have articles and reports that you can't read because you are not a paid subscriber in order to generate subscription fees. We have taken the higher road ..... and we will remain on that higher road!

We believe in an AMERICAN FREE PRESS! We believe that we should be FREE to report on whatever we choose. You in turn are FREE to either read or not read what we report. We will never charge you for reading our website. We are a FREE site! And you are our welcomed and much appreciated regular readers and periodic visitors! We would no more charge you to read our journalistic work than we would charge our neighbor or our best friend for a cool drink of water on the hottest day in July!

That's how we see it. How do you see it?

Lois Lame
Subscriber Services and Advertising
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Total # of free subscribers: 000275

Subscribers currently online: 000119

New visitors currently online: 000086

Reciprocal websites:

BREAKING NEWS: Subscriptions Hit The 275 Mark!!!

Published by Lois Lame, Subscriber Services and Advertising

Hallelujah! We are truly blessed!

Last night at 10:26 p.m. LaWanda Page became our 275th subscriber. LaWanda is retired and now lives in Washington, MO. She heard about Hermann Hearsay one evening when she happened to bump into Jimmy Oldsun at Marquart's Landing down on the Washington riverfront. They got to talking and Jimmy shared his business card with LaWanda. And that was all it took! LaWanda began reading HermannHearsay, liked it and opened her FREE subscription immediately.

Welcome to Hermann Hearsay, LaWanda!

At the rate we are now growing, I expect that we'll hit 300 subscriptions sometime in May. Subscription growth without telethons and bake sales! But how are we doing it?! It's simple! There are two primary reasons we are growing: (1) Our subscriptions are FREE, and (2) we don't publish useless drivel on our website!

Lois Lame
Subscriber Services and Advertising
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Total # of free subscribers: 000275
Subscribers currently online: 000109

New visitors currently online: 000081

Reciprocal websites:

I'm Back In The Saddle Again

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

I returned to Hermann late last night after spending a week in St. Louis. What an interesting week! I'll write about my experience in a future article.

For right now, I just want to say thanks for all the flowers and cards you sent me. Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes! I also want to thank Jimmy, Lois and Frank for doing an absolute bang-up job during my absence!

I'm back at work today. And I have to say it's great to be ...... "back in the saddle again"!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Total # of free subscribers: 000266

Subscribers currently online: 000103

New visitors currently online: 000083

Reciprocal websites:

Clark Kant Released From St. Louis Mental Institution

Published by Jimmy Olsun, Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

Great news everyone! Clark Kant, my boss and mentor here at Hermann Hearsay, has been released from the St. Louis mental institution where he has been evaluated and treated for the past seven days.

Clark is too modest to tell you this himself, so I will. Clark passed all of the mental tests they could think to throw at him! In fact, Clark received an overall score of 98%. They say that he is in the 98th percentile of all patients who have ever taken their entire battery of mental tests! (Jeffy Pooh and Hammerin' Hank, please take note of Clark's high score!)

Clark would never brag about himself. And he'll probably chastise me for talking about him in this report. Knowing Clark and his self-depricating humor, he'll probably tell you, just as he told me last night, that he's "only about a half a bubble off level".

Lois, Frank and I are very happy to have Clark back! I know that many of our readers are also happy to learn that Clark is back. Welcome back, Clark!

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Total # of free subscribers: 000266
Subscribers currently online: 000033

New visitors currently online: 000067

Reciprocal websites:
http://www.bergerbaloneywithmayo.blogspot.com/
http://www.hermannhookups.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

American Idol Watch Parties

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

The 'American Idol' on FOX televsion has become a huge phenomenon in America! And people here in Hermann are also huge fans of the reality TV program.

I don't think the following list is all-inclusive, but Hermann Hearsay has learned that the following Hermannites will be hosting 'American Idol' watch parties this evening and will be serving snacks as indicated:

Elmer J. Fudd - wabbit stew, Penning's German potato salad and Stag beer
Barry Schmelly - popcorn and Bud Light beer
Henrietta Hornschwagel - weenies in bbq sauce, potato chips and diet Pepsi
Gertrude Schenkelberg - nachos with cheese and Canadia Moosehead beer
Ellie Mae Clampitt - boiled shrimp, cocktail sauce and Tanqueray gin martinis
Beula Bowelmovement - nacho-flavored Doritos and margaritas

I will be filing my 'Night Desk Report' from Ellie Mae's place. (I like Tanqueray gin martinis and Ellie Mae has led me to believe that I can stay over if I have too many of them!)

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Subscribers currently online: 000045
New visitors currently online: 000077

Reciprocal websites:

Update at 8:15 p.m. - A fun-loving group has gathered at Ellie Mae's place. The boiled shrimp are great and I'm into my second gin martini! WhoooHooo! Two of the Idol finalists will be booted off the show tonight. I say it's going to be Andrew and Katie!

Hermann Hearsay Adds Subscriber and New Visitor Meters

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Jack of All Trades

Subscribers and visiting readers, we have long desired to show you the number of subscribers and the number of visitors on the site at any given time. It seems that's the cool thing to do if you're in the online daily news business. However, we have always stopped short because of the cost to pay a programmer to capture these statistics and display them.

Alas, Frank, our janitor, has figured out away to capture this information and display it. From now on, we will display these numbers at the bottom of each report in BIG BOLD BLACK NUMBERS on a simple white background. That way, the numbers will be very handy and easy to read for our readers. I hope you find this new feature useful. We are evolving into a really cool site! Doncha think?!

Jimmy Oldsun
Jack of All Trades
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Subscribers currently online: 000043

New visitors currently online: 000087

Reciprocal websites:
http://www.bergerbaloneywithmayo.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Night Desk Report - Tuesday Night

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk Reporter (and other cool stuff)

I'm parked out here at the Hermann Post Office interviewing lots of late income tax filers from Hermann. Here are some sample comments thus far:

Income Tax Late Filer #1:

Jimmy Oldsun: "My name is Jimmy Oldsun. I see you're mailing something. Are those your income tax returns?
Barry Schmelly: "Get the hell out of my way, punk! I'm not in a very good mood!"
Jimmy Oldsun: "I presume that means you're having to pay in instead of getting a refund?"
Barry Schmelly: "F&^* you! Get the hell out of my may!

Income Tax Late Filer #2:

Jimmy Oldsun: "Hello there.! I was wondering if you'd mind answering a few questions? My name is ...."
Charlie Farquharson: "Are you with the IRS?"
Jimmy Oldsun: "No sir, I'm with Hermann Hearsay! My name is Jimmy."
Charlie Farquharson: "You sure do look like one of them IRS agents!"
Jimmy Oldsun: "I swear that I'm not with the Internal Revenue Service!"
Charlie Farquharson: "How can I help you then?"
Jimmy Oldsun: "I was just wondering why you procrastinated until just two nights before the filing deadline to mail in your return?"
Charlie Farquharson: "Jimmy, you can just kiss my red, white and blue ass! Get the hell out of my way!"

Income Tax Late Filer #3:

Jimmy Oldsun: "Good evening, sir! My name is Jimmy Oldsun."
Al Capone: "Oh yeah? Do I know you? My name is Al Capone."
Jimmy Oldsun: "No, I don't think so. I'm with Hermann Hearsay!"
Al Capone: "Is that a new speakeasy?"
Jimmy Oldsun: "Not exactly. It's more like an online news service."
Al Capone: "Is that a video camera your buddy has there? Get that damn thing, Frankie!"
Jimmy Oldsun: "What are you guys doing? That's an expensive camera!"
Al Capone: "Sorry Jimmy! I can't permit my picture to be taken!"
Jimmy Oldsun: "Just let me ask you a few questions about filing your income tax returns two nights before the filing deadline."
Al Capone: "Taxes?! What the hell are you talking about? I don't pay taxes! Never have! That's for stupid suckers like you, Jimmy!"

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk Report (and other cool stuff)
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Reciprocal websites: