Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Feral Cats! A Real Problem Or Much Ado About Nothing?

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

So, where do you stand on the Hermann feral cat issue?  A real problem or much ado about nothing?

I've read all the local news articles and investigative reports as I am sure you have.  By some reports, Hermann has a feral (stray) cat population of somewhere between 500 and 1,000 cats.  Now, that's a lot of pussy cats!

This high number of problem cats is an estimate reported to the media by city officials.  Because I'm not so sure I believe we have this large of a number of so-called "problem" kitties, I have been investigating the problem myself.

I walk through Hermann everyday for exercise.  I walk from the southwest part of town to the northeast part of town nearly everyday.  I walk anywhere from three to six miles per day.  During the past several weeks after the so-called "feral cat" problem was first reported, I began keeping a close accounting of the cats I have observed during my travels afoot.  Some days, I see absolutely NO cats whatsoever.  And some days like today, I see only one or maybe two cats. 

This afternoon while walking westwardly in the two hundred block of Sixth Street, I observed a large calico cat ducking into the storm sewer under the sidewalk.  And that's when it finally dawned on me!  Our 1,000 feral cats are living in the storm sewers!  And that's why I haven't been seeing the large number of cats that have been reported by knowlegable city officials.  Those darned cats are probably hunting rats and mice in the storm sewers and taking shelter from the wintry elements down in the sewers.

If I only knew when Ronnie Van Booven was conducting his feral cat committee meetings, I'd go to the next one and report my personal observations.  I think the city needs to authorize and fund a special expeditionary force to launch an immediate assault upon the feral cats which are living down in our storm sewers.  I have talked to my good friend, Elmer Fudd, and he has agreed to lead such an expeditionary force IF the city fathers will authorize and fund it.  Elmer has told me that he is quite confident he could rid the City of Hermann of its feral cat population in no time at all.  The city need only reimburse Mr. Fudd for the shotgun shells and smoke bombs he will use to exterminate the problematic cats!

So, if anyone can please tell me where and when Ronnie Van Booven is holding his secret feral cat committee meetings,  I will report my findings to him.  I've inquired with the Hemann Advertiser-Courier and HermannNews.com where and when these secret meetings are being conducted.  Neither crack investigative news organization has been able to find out where and when the meetings are being conducted!  Does anyone know?  CountyNewsLIVE.com staff?

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
HermannHearsay.blogspot.com