You can't see the details in this photo, but the number of Business Key Factors and Audience Stats we monitor is staggering! Managing a leading local news website and a leading local dating website like ours is like being in the cockpit of a Boeing 747. Fortunately, we take care of all that tedious management work for you, so that all you have to do is read and enjoy our websites.
# of days online ......... We've completely lost track. (Does it really matter anyway?)
# of website visitors to date ......... About 456,765 (At least, we think so. Could be off by +/- 90%.)
Highest # of unique website visitors in one day ......... About 25 (Least ways as close as we can figure.)
# of visitors who've gotten pissed off and left us ......... 1 (Username: Anonymous.)
# of visitors who fart while reading our websites .......... 3 (We know that Elmer Fudd and Happy Shoveler are two of them. The other one is still a mystery.)
# of visitors who are unemployed/retired and have nothing better to do than read our stuff .......... 5
Checking account balance .......... $2.98 (Plus $0.90 cash in office coffee fund.)
Outstanding loans from banks, life insurance policies and 401(k) accounts .......... $500.00 (Required to meet payroll for a slow week in January, 2010.)
Capitalization .......... 1 old HP laptop (Approximate value: $100.)
* The above figures include both Hermann Hearsay and Hermann Hookups websites. None of the above figures have been audited by an independent accounting firm, so don't hold us to 'em. Besides it ain't really none of your damned business anyway! We're a privately owned company, and our shares don't trade on any public stock market.
Clark Kant
Editor In Chief, Hermann Hearsay
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/
Lois Lame
Moderator, Hermann Hookups
http://www.hermannhookups.blogspot.com/
