I'm Back In The Saddle Again

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

I returned to Hermann late last night after spending a week in St. Louis. What an interesting week! I'll write about my experience in a future article.

For right now, I just want to say thanks for all the flowers and cards you sent me. Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes! I also want to thank Jimmy, Lois and Frank for doing an absolute bang-up job during my absence!

I'm back at work today. And I have to say it's great to be ...... "back in the saddle again"!



Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Total # of free subscribers: 000266

Subscribers currently online: 000103

New visitors currently online: 000083

Reciprocal websites:

http://www.bergerbaloneywithmayo.blogspot.com/

http://www.hermannhookups.blogspot.com/

http://www.mid-missouri-mule-rides.blogspot.com/

Clark Kant Released From St. Louis Mental Institution

Published by Jimmy Olsun, Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

Great news everyone!  Clark Kant, my boss and mentor here at Hermann Hearsay, has been released from the St. Louis mental institution where he has been evaluated and treated for the past seven days. 

Clark is too modest to tell you this himself, so I will.  Clark passed all of the mental tests they could think to throw at him!  In fact, Clark received an overall score of 98%.  They say that he is in the 98th percentile of all patients who have ever taken their entire battery of mental tests!  (Jeffy Pooh and Hammerin' Hank, please take note of Clark's high score!) 

Clark would never brag about himself.  And he'll probably chastise me for talking about him in this report.  Knowing Clark and his self-depricating humor, he'll probably tell you, just as he told me last night, that he's "only about a half a bubble off level".

Lois, Frank and I are very happy to have Clark back!  I know that many of our readers are also happy to learn that Clark is back.  Welcome back, Clark!

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Total # of free subscribers: 000266
Subscribers currently online: 000033

New visitors currently online: 000067

Reciprocal websites:
http://www.bergerbaloneywithmayo.blogspot.com/
http://www.hermannhookups.blogspot.com/

http://www.mid-missouri-mule-rides.blogspot.com/

American Idol Watch Parties

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

The 'American Idol' on FOX televsion has become a huge phenomenon in America!  And people here in Hermann are also huge fans of the reality TV program.

I don't think the following list is all-inclusive, but Hermann Hearsay has learned that the following Hermannites will be hosting 'American Idol' watch parties this evening and will be serving snacks as indicated:

1. Elmer J. Fudd - wabbit stew, Penning's German potato salad and Stag beer
2. Barry Schmelly - popcorn and Bud Light beer
3. Henrietta Hornschwagel - weenies in bbq sauce, potato chips and diet Pepsi
4. Gertrude Schenkelberg - nachos with cheese and Canadia Moosehead beer
5. Ellie Mae Clampitt - boiled shrimp, cocktail sauce and Tanqueray gin martinis
6. Beula Bowelmovement - nacho-flavored Doritos and margaritas

I will be filing my 'Night Desk Report' from Ellie Mae's place.  (I like Tanqueray gin martinis and Ellie Mae has led me to believe that I can stay over if I have too many of them!)

Jimmy Oldsun 
Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Subscribers currently online: 000045
New visitors currently online: 000077

Reciprocal websites:

http://www.bergerbaloneywithmayo.blogspot.com/

http://www.mid-missouri-mule-rides.blogspot.com/

Update at 8:15 p.m.  - A fun-loving group has gathered at Ellie Mae's place.  The boiled shrimp are great and I'm into my second gin martini!  WhoooHooo!  Two of the Idol finalists will be booted off the show tonight.  I say it's going to be Andrew and Katie!

Hermann Hearsay Adds Subscriber and New Visitor Meters

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Jack of All Trades

Subscribers and visiting readers, we have long desired to show you the number of subscribers and the number of visitors on the site at any given time.  It seems that's the cool thing to do if you're in the online daily news business.  However, we have always stopped short because of the cost to pay a programmer to capture these statistics and display them.

Alas, Frank, our janitor, has figured out away to capture this information and display it.  From now on, we will display these numbers at the bottom of each report in BIG BOLD BLACK NUMBERS on a simple white background.  That way, the numbers will be very handy and easy to read for our readers.  I hope you find this new feature useful.  We are evolving into a really cool site!  Doncha think?!

Jimmy Oldsun
Jack of All Trades
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Subscribers currently online:  000043

New visitors currently online:  000087

Reciprocal websites:
http://www.bergerbaloneywithmayo.blogspot.com/

http://www.mid-missouri-mule-rides.blogspot.com/

Night Desk Report - Tuesday Night

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk Reporter (and other cool stuff)

I'm parked out here at the Hermann Post Office interviewing lots of late income tax filers from Hermann.  Here are some sample comments thus far:

Income Tax Late Filer #1:

Jimmy Oldsun:  "My name is Jimmy Oldsun.  I see you're mailing something.  Are those your income tax returns?
Barry Schmelly:  "Get the hell out of my way, punk!  I'm not in a very good mood!"
Jimmy Oldsun:  "I presume that means you're having to pay in instead of getting a refund?"
Barry Schmelly:  "F&^* you!  Get the hell out of my may!

Income Tax Late Filer #2:

Jimmy Oldsun:  "Hello there.!  I was wondering if you'd mind answering a few questions?  My name is ...."
Charlie Farquharson:  "Are you with the IRS?"
Jimmy Oldsun:  "No sir, I'm with Hermann Hearsay!  My name is Jimmy."
Charlie Farquharson:  "You sure do look like one of them IRS agents!"
Jimmy Oldsun:  "I swear that I'm not with the Internal Revenue Service!"
Charlie Farquharson:  "How can I help you then?"
Jimmy Oldsun:  "I was just wondering why you procrastinated until just two nights before the filing deadline to mail in your return?"
Charlie Farquharson:  "Jimmy, you can just kiss my red, white and blue ass!  Get the hell out of my way!"

Income Tax Late Filer #3:

Jimmy Oldsun:  "Good evening, sir!   My name is Jimmy Oldsun."
Al Capone:  "Oh yeah?  Do I know you?  My name is Al Capone."
Jimmy Oldsun:  "No, I don't think so.  I'm with Hermann Hearsay!"
Al Capone:  "Is that a new speakeasy?"
Jimmy Oldsun:  "Not exactly.  It's more like an online news service."
Al Capone:  "Is that a video camera your buddy has there?  Get that damn thing, Frankie!"
Jimmy Oldsun:  "What are you guys doing?  That's an expensive camera!"
Al Capone:  "Sorry Jimmy!  I can't permit my picture to be taken!"
Jimmy Oldsun:  "Just let me ask you a few questions about filing your income tax returns two nights before the filing deadline."
Al Capone:  "Taxes?!  What the hell are you talking about?  I don't pay taxes!  Never have!  That's for stupid suckers like you, Jimmy!"

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk Report (and other cool stuff)
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Reciprocal websites:

http://www.bergerbaloneywithmayo.blogspot.com/

http://www.mid-missouri-mule-rides.blogspot.com/  

TTTNN Launches New Website 'Berger Baloney With Mayo'

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

Truman T. Tiger, owner and publisher of the Truman T. Tiger News Network (TTTNN) which owns subsidiary Hermann Hearsay, today announced the start-up of a second daily online news service for the Berger and Little Berger news market.  The name of the new online service is 'Berger Baloney With Mayo'.  (Kinda cute, don't ya think?!)

You can access the new daily online news site by clicking on the following link:  www.BergerBaloneyWithMayo.blogspot.com.

Our Berger readers will now get more news of local interest.  We sincerely hope our Berger friends will continue to read Hermann Hearsay as well.

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Reciprocal websites:

www.BergerBaloneyWithMayo.blogspot.com

www.Mid-Missouri-Mule-Rides.blogspot.com

Night Desk Duty Sucks!

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

I can't wait till Clark returns!  I'm getting very tired!  Night desk duty really sucks!

Sorry I haven't written any stories about cool nighttime Hermann happenings.  Clark has me all loaded up with his duties on top of my own!  Right now I'm investigating the status of the courthouse project and the whereabouts of the GCCS.  And that is taking a lot of time!

From what I gather down at the coffee shop, however, there hasn't been too much that has been going on at night.  A few stray cats roaming around, one or two drunks falling off the bar stools, and a little necking down at the riverfront park.  So I guess you haven't missed too much!

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk Reporter, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com

Cards Win Home Opener!

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

The St. Louis Cardinals improved their early season record to 5-2, defeating the Houston Astros by a score of 5-0 at Busch Stadium this afternoon.  The Cards lead the N. L. Central Division.

Clark Kant and his new buddies skipped their group therapy session this afternoon to take in the Opening Day festivities at the ballpark.  Clark told me he had three hotdogs, six Bud Lights and some nachos and cheese.  He really enjoyed his first Cardinals' Opening Day ceremonies and game.

Clark was apprehensive about checking himself in for psychiatric evaluation on Thursday of last week, but he now says it is the best thing he has ever done!

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com

Weather Reports

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

We don't do daily weather reports here at Hermann Hearsay.  That's just filler material anyway!  And it's pretty old-fashioned.

Instead we presume that our readership is sophisticated enough and computer literate enough to go to The Weather Channel at www.weather.com to get all the latest in local weather conditions and weather forecasts on their own.  We don't really need to spoon feed our educated readers! 

We also recognize that our readership is a very mobile segment of society that travels alot for both business and pleasure.  Consequently, many of you will be needing the weather forecasts for your travel destinations.  At The Weather Channel just type in your destination city, state and/or zip code, click on the "Search" button and you'll have all the weather information you will need for your travel planning.  And a few of you live in far-flung places like Japan, France and Puerto Rico, so the weather conditions and weather forecasts for Hermann, MO are of absolutely no interest to you folks anyway!

So, if you don't already have The Weather Channel saved into your "Favorites", please do that right now before you forget it.  Don't depend upon us to tell you every damned day what the weather is or what it will be!  We have more important crap to do!

And if you're too lazy to go to www.weather.com on your own, then just walk outside to check the weather conditions the old-fashioned way.  The fresh air will do you good!

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter, Weather Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com

Whatever happened to the Gasconade County courthouse project?

Subject Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

Remember when the restoration of the Gasconade County courthouse and expansion of county office facilities was a big issue around here?  It was all the talk.  It was covered almost weekly by The Hermann A-C and HermannMuenster.com.   And lots of GCCS money was spent to develop project scope and architectural renderings for various options here in Hermann.

Remember when a certain self-interested faction from Owensville got that Proposition B thingie on the election ballot back in November of 2008?  Well, the good people of Gasconade County rejected the idea of moving the county seat to Owensville.  Take that, you Owensville wheeler-dealers!

Remember when the GCCS (Gasconade County Courthouse Society) held their controversial annual meeting of members one warm summer evening in July of  2009?  I was there seated in the second row.  I paid my $10 for a GCCS membership.  I heard the speeches by Jon Held, Glenn Warnebold and many, many other "concerned" citizens.

Remember that ill-fated "resolution" offered by GCCS Treasurer, Glenn Warnebold, the one that was unanimously defeated by the GCCS membership?  Poor ol' Glenn couldn't even get his own wife to vote for the resolution!

Remember all those occasions in county commission meetings after Prop. B was defeated when angry citizens of the county challenged Presiding Commissioner Ron Jost to quit delaying and get moving with the courthouse project?  And remember how he would always respond by saying he was just waiting for someone to show him the plan and the money?  Guess ol' Ron just didn't comprehend that he had a responsibility as the key leader of the county to develop those plans and find the sources for that money!

And what about the GCCS?  Where are they?  Where have they gone?  My understanding is that they haven't had one single board meeting since their first annual membership meeting back in July of 2009.  My understanding is that Jon Held, President of the GCCS, has completely given up on the courthouse project.  Or is that just Hermann coffee shop talk?  Maybe meetings are being held in secret?

And where is the intense coverage by the local media which were all over this story not so very long ago?  Is it just easier to cover car crashes, restaurant menus and morel mushroom findings by the locals than it is to ask the necessary tough, hard questions of community "leaders" and county "leaders"?

Well my fellow Gasconade County citizens, was all of that just much ado about nothing?  I'm reminded of that mindless remark made famous by a TV sitcom many years ago ...... "Never mind!"

What do you think?  Is this a story you would like to see Hermann Hearsay investigate and pursue?  Should we jump on the story since no other media outlet in the county seems to be pursuing the story?  Would you rather us to investigate this story or would you just as soon we cover car crashes, mushroom findings and restaurant menus like our competitors?  Should we dare to push some of our community "leaders" and county "leaders" with the tough, hard questions that are begging to be asked?

Tell us what you think!

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com

Update: Clark Doing Well In The Psych Ward

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

Clark asked me to pass along to everyone that he is doing just fine!  As you may recall, Clark checked himself into a St. Louis mental institution to begin a comprehensive psychiatric evaluation on Thursday of last week.  The photo on the right was taken of Clark in a group therapy session with four other patients on Saturday afternoon.  Peculiar thing ..... in Clark's group of five, there are four daily online news service reporters.  The other fellow (the one with the beard) is an unemployed nuclear physicist.

This fun-loving group of patients, led by Clark, escaped from the mental institution after their group therapy session on Saturday afternoon and commandeered a couple cabs to give them a ride over to 'The Hill'.  They had a splendid Italian meal at Cunetto's.  Clark says he would highly recommend the
restaurant to our readers.  It seems that Clark is bonding quickly with the other patients at the mental institution.  People seem to like him wherever he goes!

Clark thanks all of our readers who have sent him dozens of text messages wishing him well, and he especially wants to thank The Happy Shoveler who brought him an exquisite cut of prime rib, a baked potato, some au jus, and a fifth of Crown Royal this Sunday evening for dinner!  Clark says the prime rib was absolutely delicious ..... to die for!  And the Crown Royal wasn't bad either!  He told me that the prime rib he had this evening ranks right up there with the best prime rib he has had at a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.  The baked potato was really good too, but he would have preferred Matt Penning's famous German potato salad.

Clark confided in me that the folks at the institution have conducted electo-shock treatments on him three times thus far.  (Clark says the treatments hurt a little and make him thirsty for Diet Pepsi.)  They have also asked him to look at ink spots and tell them what he sees.  (Clark says they just look like ink spots to him.)  In addition, they have played word association games with Clark.  (Of course, Clark did really well with the word association since he's the #6 journalist in Gasconade County and learned lots of words up at Mizzou's J-School a long time ago when he went to school there.)  Clark feels he is excelling in the group therapy sessions.  He enjoys all of his fellow patients and is making some great new friends!

Clark says to tell Mr. Noedel and Mr. Vonk of CNL that he initially resented their unkind suggestions that he might be mentally unstable.  But now he's glad he listened to them and check himself in for psychiatric evaluation.  He says he's learning a lot about himself and would recommend the experience to them as well. 

We anticipate that Clark will be released on Friday, 4/16 ........ provided, of course, he doesn't pull anymore stunts like escaping from the institution as he and his buddies did on Saturday night!  Clark and his friends are just itching to bust out of the place on Monday afternoon so they can go to the Cardinals' home opener!  Don't let 'em catch you, Clark!

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com

Update: One-Car Accident At Gasconade Bridge

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

We've updated a previously filed report on the one-car accident which occurred at approximately 1:15 a.m. on Saturday morning, 4/10.  We provide information regarding how to access the "official crash report" filed by the Missouri State Highway Patrolman who actually worked the accident.

You may access our original report along with the update by clicking on the following link:

http://hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/2010/04/one-car-crash-at-gasconade-bridge.html

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com

Frene Creek Has Receded!

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief

Frank Furter checked his stick marker down at Frene Creek near Eighth and Mozart Streets yesterday afternoon at 4 p.m.  Frank was amazed that the creek had fallen about 2 feet in just 24 hours.  It appears there is no immediate danger of Frene Creek encroaching upon Mozart Creek.

We discontinue our Frene Creek reports.  If the creek rises again enough to threaten Mozart Street, we will be right on the story.  Thanks to Frank for his good work monitoring the creek level!

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk, Investigative Reporter, Sports Reporter and Acting Editor In Chief
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com

Nice Mess of Morel Mushrooms Found by Chris P. Bacon

Published by Jimmy Olsun, Night Desk, Investigative Reporter and Sports Reporter

Chris P. Bacon, one of our new subscribers, stopped by the office this morning to show off a nice mess of morel mushrooms he found in the Rhineland bottom.  Mr. Bacon was pretty closed-mouthed about exactly where he found the mushrooms, leading me to wonder if he had been trespassing onto someone else's property or whether he just didn't want to draw a massive crowd of mushroom hunters to his special mushroom hot spot.

I just love fried morel mushrooms, so I was able to talk Mr. Bacon into giving me a pound of the little beauties!  I can't wait to get home to fry these babies up for dinner tonight!  The way I fix 'em is to clean 'em up real good, cut off a portion of their stems, salt and pepper 'em, dip 'em in egg yoke, then roll 'em in flour and then drop them into a frying pan over medium heat.

If you have a special recipe for morel mushrooms, I would sure like to learn about it.  Please let me know how you prefer your morels.

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk, Investigative Reporter and Sports Reporter
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com

Frene Creek On The Rise!

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk, Investigative Reporter and Sports Reporter

Frene Creek rose about 3 inches between 4 p.m. Thursday and 4 p.m Friday.  The creek water is still within its banks.  But if the water rises another foot or so, it will be lapping onto Mozart Street down by Lions Field on Eighth Street. 

We are watching this developing situation for you.  Frank Furter, our janitor, was dispatched yesterday to poke a stick into the mud at water's edge (yesterday's water level).  I will be checking the stick at 4 p.m. everday until we are out of danger to see if the creek is still rising or if it is on the stand still.  The moment the creek gets onto Mozart Street, we will report it to you so you can make plans to take an alternate route and avoid driving through the water.  We wish we could afford to mount a webcam on the Mozart Street lift station so you could monitor the water level yourself, but we are on a very tight budget and have chosen to invest our money in sticks versus webcams.

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk, Investigative Reporter and Sports Reporter
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com

One-Car Crash at Gasconade Bridge

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk, Investigative Reporter and Sports Reporter

I was working the night desk last night.  Around 1 a.m. or thereabouts early Saturday morning, I got word that there had been a serious one-car accident on Highway 100 near the Gasconade Bridge. 

Since it was late and I was pretty tired, I chose not to race out there over the winding roads behind the fire trucks and ambulances to cover the tragic accident.  I figured that I might fall asleep or lose control in my excitement and run off Highway 100 myself.  Besides there were already two Hermann EMS ambulances, one fire/rescue truck from the Morrison Volunteer Fire Department and one emergency helicopter heading out that direction, not to mention all the law enforcement rolling stock from the Gasconade County Sheriff's Department and the Missouri Highway Patrol in the vicinity.  And then, I further reasoned that the CNL pickup truck would be rushing out there to cover all the exciting action.  I didn't want to get in the way of the rescue workers, and I didn't want to risk getting run over by an overzealous reporter.

Later, I got word that a 1990 Ford Thunderbird had crossed the yellow line and run off the road on the opposite side.  The passenger who was wearing his seat belt had "moderate" injuries and was transported to HADH for medical treatment.  The driver who was not wearing his seat belt was ejected from the vehicle.   Unfortunately, he suffered "serious" injuries.  The driver was evacuated from the crash scene by the air ambulance.  He was transported to St. John's Mercy Hospital in St. Louis County.  While other media outlets are publishing the names of the young men involved in the accident, we have chosen not to.  We figure it ain't none of your damned business!  These two unfortunate young fellows need time to heal up, and they don't need everybody "speculating" as to the cause of their accident.

I understand that the folks over at CNL snapped about 300 photos.  As soon as they catch up on their sleep, they have promised to post their best shots.  I'm sure there will be some neat photos of mangled steel, flashing lights, and rescue workers in action.

On a much brighter note, I can report to your that Henrietta Hornschwagel and her boyfriend, Elmer Hugz, both residents of Hermann, drove down to Washington for dinner and a movie last night without any incident at all.  They returned safely to Hermann at around 1:30 a.m.  I saw Elmer in the BP Convenience Store buying condoms, and he told me that he never crossed the yellow line once, although Henrietta was distracting him quite a bit during the drive back to Hermann.

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk, Investigative Reporter and Sports Reporter
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Update 10:40 am, Sunday, 4/11/2010:

The official crash report released to the public by the Missouri State Highway Patrol may be found on their website at:

www.mshp.dps.mo.gov/HP68/SearchAction 

You can enter Gasconade County into the "County" search field and 4/10/2010 into the "Date" search field and then search to find the information about the car accident which occurred around 1:15 am, 4/10/2010 near the Gasconade Bridge.

By the way, there is no subscription fee for accessing the Missouri State Highway Patrol's website.  You can search for crash reports filed by county, by Highway Patrol Troop, by date or by name.  You will get complete and "official" reports.  You just won't get the photos of the mangled steel and flashing lights.

Save the planet! Ride a mule!

Published by Lois Lame, Advertising and Subscriber Services

I rode a mule today!  That's right!  An honest to goodness Missouri mule!
And you can ride one too!

A. E. Newman, meat salesman and loyal reader of Hermann Hearsay, has started up a mule riding dude ranch down in Bland, MO.  He calls his new enterprise "Mid-Missouri Mule Rides".

Mr. Newman told me this today ......

"There are lots of horseback riding ranches here in Missouri, but there aren't that many mule riding ranches.  My wife and I happen to love mules, and we have been feeding three Missouri mules for several years.  Times are tough and we could sure use some additional income to defray the cost of their oats and hay, so we thought we might just offer mule rides to bring in some money to buy oats and hay."

I rode a mule on Mr. Newman's ranch this afternoon.   I don't know how many hands tall he was, but he was a big sucker!  I have to tell you that I'm a little saddle sore.  But the fresh air was good for me!

I asked Mr. Newman if he has any local competition.  His response was interesting ......

"Well Lois, there's a horseback riding place not too far from here.  They advertise their "enchanted rides".  Ha ha ha!  As you learned today, there ain't nothing very "enchanting" about riding on the back of a smelly ol' horse or mule all afternoon.  First of all, you've got the stench of their manure.  Secondly, you have to contend with the stinging bites of horse/mule flies.  And thirdly, as you found out this afternoon, you can quickly develop saddle sores if you've got a tender ass!"

I admit I had to laugh at Mr. Newman's response!

Notwithstanding the stench, the flies and my saddle sores, I would still recommend a ride on a Missouri mule to just about anyone!  But especially kids!  They will get a big kick out of riding a funny looking mule with those big ears!  So, take your kids down to "Mid-Missouri Mule Rides" near Bland, MO.  For only $20, your kid can ride a mule all afternoon long.  You can't beat that price at Six Flags or Disney World!

For more information, go to http://www.mid-mo-mule-rides.blogspot.com/.

Disclaimer:  We received no monetary compensation for this advertisement.  The advertiser has, however, agreed to promote our website reciprocally on their website in consideration of the value they have received. They are under no obligation to write articles, host internet radio programs and/or write effusive, syrupy comments of praise for our website.

Lois Lame
Advertising and Subscriber Services
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com

An Update On Clark .....

Published by Lois Lame, Subscriber Services and Advertising

A number of our readers have inquired about Clark's mental health condition.  We are happy to report that Clark is doing just fine.  He has checked himself into a psychiatric hospital in St. Louis.  For privacy reasons, we cannot give out the hospital's address nor Clark's room number.  Well wishers may make comments and offer their prayers on our website.

That's Clark right there in the photo walking from his hospital room down the corridor to an electro-shock therapy session.

Some of you may not know that Clark was accused of having mental problems by two or three of his most vociferous critics.  Now Clark is a very serious and thoughtful person so this harsh criticism has bothered him immensely.  It particulary hurt Clark that two of his fellow journalist colleagues would criticize him so cruelly and viciously.  Wanting to make absolutely sure that he is not a mental case, Clark checked himself into the psychiatric hospital on Thursday.  He will remain confined there for close observation and therapy until next Friday, 4/16.

Jimmy and I miss Clark and wish him a speedy return!

Lois Lame
Advertising and Subscriber Services
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com

250 Subscribers and Still Growing!

Published by Lois Lame, Subscriptions and Advertising

Clark Kant has asked me to thank all our loyal
subscribers and commenters on his behalf this weekend.  We recently reached the 250 mark, and Clark wanted to recognize all of you! 

He would be writing this article himself, but, at the urging of one of our vocal critics, Clark has checked himself into a clinic in St. Louis and is undergoing psychotherapy.  Please pray for him!

I don't know if our readers appreciate it or not, but we are in a highly competitive business. God only knows how hard it is to get ahead of all the other local online daily news websites on a consistent basis.  Sometimes we succeed, however too often they beat us to the story. But throughout it all, our ups and our downs and through thick and thin, you have stayed with us.

I've gone back through the records and assembled a list of all of our subscribers, readers and active commenters. You see, here at HermannHearsay, you are not a just number.  You are not merely a statistic that we use to promote our website by crowing about the rapid growth in our readership.  No, quite the contrary, to us, you are real people, our friends and our neighbors. And we want to acknowledge your loyal readership and patronage by saying "Thank You!" to each and everyone of you.  You will note that we now have a few subscribers who reside in countries outside of the U.S.  And we even have a cat who is a recent subscriber.  Please welcome 'Tater Tot', a computer literate feline who belongs to 'Red Tater'.

We are working on a Hermann Hearsay golf shirt.  These golf shirts will be available excusively to our subscribers at a very nominal charge.  We will notify our subscribers when the shirts are available.  We expect to have the artwork finalized by July.

Thanks very much to the following loyal subscribers, readers and frequent commenters .........

1. A. E. Newman (USA)
2. Abigail Applewhite (USA)
3. Abner Doubleday (USA)
4. Adolf Oliver Busch (USA)
5. Adolf Oliver Nipple
6. Albert Brown (USA)
7. Al Coholic (USA)
8. Al K. Holic (USA)
9. Al Smith (USA)
10. Alphonse Capone (USA)
11. Amanda Hugandkiss (USA)
12. Anita Dick (USA)
13. Anita Drink (USA)
14. Annie Body (USA)
15. Anonymous #1 (USA)
16. Anonymous #2 (USA)
17. Anonymous #3 (USA)
18. Anonymous #4 (USA)
19. Anonymous #5 (USA)
20. Anthony Belfiore (USA)
21. Antonio Luigi Cockalotti (USA)
22. April Showers (USA)
23. Archie Bunker (USA)
24. Barb B. Cue (USA)
25. Barb Wire (USA)
26. Barbie Dahl (USA)
27. Barney Fife (USA)
28. Barry Schmelly (USA)
29. Bea Sting (USA) 
30. Belle E. Flopp (USA)
31. Ben Dover (USA)
32. Ben Gay (USA)
33. Bertha D. Blues (USA)
34. Betty Kant (USA)
35. Beula Bowelmovement (USA)
36. Bill Board (USA)
37. Bill Ding (USA)
38. Bo Snurdley (USA)
39. Bob Finch (USA)
40. Bobby Brown (USA)
41. Bobby McGee (USA)
42. Bob Smith (USA)
43. Bud Abbott (USA)
44. Buffalo Bob (USA)
45. Buford T. Justice (USA)
46. Candi Dish (USA)
47. Candy Sweet (USA)
48. Captain Kangaroo (USA)
49. Charlie Brown (USA)
50. Charlie Farquharson (USA)
51. Charles F. Smith (USA)
52. Chris Anthemum (USA)
53. Chris P. Bacon (USA)
54. Chris P. Cream (USA)
55. Clark Gable (USA)
56. Chester Goode (USA)
57. Clayton Moore (USA)
58. Cledus 'Snowman' Snow (USA)
59. Clem Kadiddlehopper (USA)
60. Cletus Clawhammer (USA)
61. Clyde Kadiddlehopper (USA)
62. Constance Cantwell (USA)
63. Crystal Chanda Leir (USA)
64. Curly (USA)
65. Daddy Warbucks (USA)
66. Daffy G. Duck (USA)
67. Dan Dunderhead (USA)
68. Debbie Finch (USA)
69. Dick B. Long (USA)
70. Dick Fitzwell (USA)
71. Dick Gazinya (USA)
72. Dick Heads (USA)
73. Dick Holder (USA)
74. Dick Israel Small (USA) 
75. Dick Schaefer (USA)
76. Dick Stillhard (USA)
77. Dick Sweat (USA)
78. Dickie Smothers (USA)
79. Dixie Normous (USA)
80. Dixon Tudeep (USA) 
81. Don Rickles (USA)
82. Don Smith (USA)
83. Don Quixote (USA)
84. Drew Peacock (USA)
85. Dr. Theodore Festerpus (USA)
86. Ed Norton (USA)
87. Edith Bunker (USA)
88. Egbert Smith (USA)
89. Ella Mentry (USA)
90. Ellie Mae Clampitt (USA)
91. Elmer J. Fudd (USA)
92. Elmer Hugz (USA)
93. Emerson Biggins (USA)
94. Emil Brown (USA)
95. Emil Overkamp (USA)
96. Ethyl Mirtz (USA)
97. Fauntleroy S. Smith (USA)
98. Fawn Dell Maibalz (USA)
99. Festus Haggen (USA)
100. Flossy Funderburk (USA)
101. Forrest Ranger (USA)
102. Foster Brooks (USA)
103. Frank Brown (USA)
104. Frank Furter (USA)
105. Fred G. Sanford (USA)
106. Fred Mirtz (USA)
107. Fritz Filibuster (USA)
108. Gabby Hayes (USA)
109. Gabriel G. Smith (USA)
110. Gary Brown (USA)
111. Gary Pinkel (USA)
112. Gasco Citizen (USA)
113. Gaylord Focker (USA)
114. Geri Attrick (USA)
115. Gertrude Schenkelburg (USA)
116. Gomer Pyle (USA) 
117. Gordon Gate (USA)
118. Hal Apeno (USA)
119. Hankie E. Pankie (USA)
120. Happy Shoveler (USA)
121. Harry Brown (USA)
122. Harry Butts (USA)
123. Harry P. Ness (USA)
124. Haywood Jablowme (USA)
125. Hedley Lamarr (USA)
126. Helen Heaven (USA)
127. Henrietta Hornschwagel (USA)
128. Herbert Patrick Joseph John Williams (USA)
129. Herbert Smith (USA)
130. Herbie Hambuerger (USA) 
131. Howdy Doody (USA)
132. Howie Feltersnatch (USA)
133. Hugh G. Rection (USA)
134. Hugh Jass (USA)
135. Idell Brown (USA)
136. Ima Horr (USA)
137. Ima Realfule (USA)
138. I. P. Daily (USA)
139. I. P. Freely (USA)
140. Isaac Cox (USA)
141. Ivanna Humpalot (USA)
142. Ivonna Tinkle (USA)
143. Jack Cass (USA)
144. Jack Daniels (USA)
145. Jack Mehoff (USA)
146. Jack N. Noff (USA)
147. Jack Pot (USA)
148. Jacques Clouseau (France)
149. Jacques Strapp (France)
150. James Brown (USA)
151. Jay Silverheels (USA)
152. J. C. Higgenbottom (USA)
153. Jean Girard (France) 
154. Jeffrey Needle (USA)
155. Jenna Talia (USA)
156. Jerry Attrick (USA)
157. Jethro Bodine (USA)
158. Jim Beam (USA)
159. Jim Nasium (USA)
160. John Doe (USA)
161. John Smith (USA)
162. Johnny Fever (USA)
163. Johnny Walker (USA)
164. Julian Javier (USA)
165. Junior Samples (USA)
166. Keisha Mei Ash (USA)
167. Kenneth Brown (USA)
168. Kenny G. (USA)
169. Kenny Smith (USA)
170. K. Liarmore (USA)
171. Larry (USA)
172. Larry Smith (USA)
173. Lawrence Brown (USA)
174. Lea Tard (USA)
175. Les Nessman (USA)
176. Liz B. Anne (USA)
177. Marilyn Johnson (USA)
178. Mark McGwire (USA)
179. Mary Chris Smith (USA)
180. Mary Juanna  (USA)
181. Max (USA)
182. Max E. Padd (USA) 
183. Maxwell Smart (USA)
184. Melissa Smith (USA)
185. Mike Krzyzewski (USA)
186. Mike Litoris (USA)
187. Mike Hunt (USA)
188. Millard Brown (USA)
189. Moe (USA)
190. Mr. Green Jeans (USA)
191. Mr. Moose (USA)
192. Mrs. Hannigan (USA)
193. M.T. Mylode (USA) 
194. Nathaniel Smith (USA)
195. Norbert Brown (USA)
196. Norm Stewart (USA)
197. Olan Brown (USA)
198. Oliver T. Shagnasty (USA)
199. Omar P. Smith (USA)
200. Otis Campbell (USA)
201. Paul Brown (USA)
202. Paul Smith (USA)
203. Penny Tration (USA)
204. Peter B. Stiff (USA)
205. Peter Cottontail (USA)
206. Peter Piper (USA)
207. Phil McCracken (USA)
208. Phineas Taylor Barnum (USA)
209. Ralph Cramden (USA)
210. Randall R. Smith (USA)
211. Red Tators (USA)
212. Reuben B. Sandwich (USA)
213. Rhett Butler (USA)
214. Richard Head (USA)
215. Richard "Dick" Smoker (USA)
216. Richard Franklin Fosdick (USA)
217. Ricky Bobby (USA)
218. Robyn DeCradle (USA)
219. Ronald Brown (USA)
220. Rupert Murdoch (USA)
221. Sanford Brown (USA)
222. Seymour Buttz (USA)
223. Slim Pickens (USA)
224. Slim Whitman (USA)
225. Steven Smith (USA)
226. Stu Pid (USA)
227. Sue E. Side (USA)
228. Tad Pole (USA)
229. Tator Tot - Cat (USA)
230. Terry Aki (USA) 
231. Terry Dactyl (USA)
232. Tess Eckel (USA)
233. Thurston Howell III (USA)
234. Tim Conway (USA)
235. Timothy Brown (USA)
236. Tommy Gun (USA)
237. Tommy Smothers (USA)
238. Tony Smith (USA)
239. Ty Twad (USA)
240. Urban Brown (USA)
241. Val Brown (USA)
242. Walter Brown (USA)
243. Walter Smith (USA)
244. Willie B. Hardigan (USA)
245. Willie B. Hungwell (USA)
246. Willie Nelson (USA)
247. Willie Smith (USA)
248. Won Hung Lo (Japan)
249. Xavier T. Bown (USA)
250. Yadier Molina (Puerto Rica)

If I've inadvertently failed to list your name, I apologize profusely. Just call me, email me or catch me at a local coffee shop , and I will correct our records immediately.

Lois Lame
Subscriptions and Advertising
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Hermann Hearsay Strivng To Become A BIG HITTER!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

We're getting more and more FREE subscribers all the time, but they just aren't "hitting on the site" like they are at other websites of our type.  Our subscribers are now coming from many locations in the USA.  Johnny Fever of Cincinnati was our 250th subscriber just recently.  Jean Girard of Paris, France signed up just last week.  Mr. Girard is our only non-USA subscriber thus far.

Although we have 250 subscribers, for which we are very thankful, and a few occasional crank visitors, we're only generating 1 page view per subscriber per day or 250 page views per day. After the first 100 days of this year, we only have a total of  only 250 subscribers x 1 page view/subscriber-day x 100 days = 25,000 page views so far.  That's far behind the BIG HITTER online news service in our local area!
So subscribers, if you're reading this, we need you to "hit us up" about 12 times per day in order to reach the level of page views being experienced by our biggest competitor. If you had done that during the first 100 days of 2010, we'd be on par with the BIG HITTER in local online news!  We would have generated 250 subscribers x 12 page views/subscriber-day x 100 days = 300,000 page views.  Then we too could claim to be a BIG HITTER!

So subscribers, here's how you can help us out ........

Just click on http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/ and add us to your Favorites list.  Then everyday from now on, just "hit us up" twelve (12) times per day.  We suggest that you try us on the following schedule of every two hours:

1. 1 am
2. 3 am
3. 5 am
4. 7 am
5. 9 am
6. 11 am
7. 1 pm
8. 3 pm
9. 5 pm
10. 7 pm
11. 9 pm
12. 11 pm

Jimmy, Lois and I thank you for your help!  Remember:  Until we become a BIG HITTER, we are only a LITTLE HITTER!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com