Elmer Fudd's Wabbit Hunting Club - Third Free Advertisement

Published by Lois Lame, Lifestyles Reporting and Advertising Sales

Hermann Hearsay is proud to announce our partnership with a third advertiser.  Please help us support ....

Elmer Fudd's Wabbit Hunting Club

Hunt wascally wabbits with Elmer!

Located on the outskirts of Swiss, MO.  Call 1-800-WABBITS for reservations and driving directions.

Lois Lame

Lifestyles Reporting and Advertising Sales

Hermann Hearsay

Newman's Snow Shoveling Service - Hermann Hearsay's 2nd Free Advertisement!

Published by Lois Lame, Lifestyle Reporter and Advertisement Department Manager

Hermann Hearsay is proud to announce we landed our second display ad today!  We're on a roll!

Newman's Snow Shoveling Service

Are you snowed in this winter?

Buy a snow shovel OR we'll come out and shovel it for you!

Both new and used snow shovels available!

Contact us at:

www.NewmanSSS.com or call 1-800-SHOVELS

Owned and continuously operated since 1999 by A. E. Newman & Sons of Bland, MO.

Thanks to Alfred and his sons Albert, Alfonso and Andrew for placing their ad (and trust) with Hermann Hearsay!  We pledge to do all that we can to help them have another profitable snow shoveling season!

Lois Lame

Lifestyle Reporter and Advertisement Department Manager

Hermann Hearsay

"Dry Powdery Snow and Paternity Tests" ..... From The Night Desk - 1/8/2010

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Night Desk Staff Reporter

This is the dryest, lightest snow I've ever seen here in Missouri!  I tried to build a snowman today, and I couldn't.  I couldn't even make a snowball to throw at Clark!

When I drove home this morning after last night's shift, I ran off into a ditch because the snow had drifted onto the road, and I could no longer see any tracks on the road to follow.

Elmer Fudd has complained that this snow is so dry and powdery that he is havin' a "hawd time twackin' wabbits"!  Elmer says he is "wunning out of Wabbit Stew" because (a) sales are up in response to his very successful advertising campaign here on Hermann Hearsay and (b) wascally wabbits are stayin' in their holes duwing this extreme cold weather makin' it almost impossible for Elmer to shoot any of them !

I'm gettin' tired of night shift duty!  By the time I come on duty, everything has already been reported on by The Hermann A-C, HermannNews.com and CountyNewsLIVE.com.  I'm gettin' really ticked at Don Kruse, Glenn Warnebold, Jeff Noedel and Alex Luft for hoggin' all the local news!  Those doggone guys are everywhere!

The only thing I have to report tonight is that I learned that Suzie Q. down at the convenience store is knocked up.  She thinks it was either Billy Bob, Tyrone or Jethro who got her pregnant.  More to come in one of my future Night Desk Reports after Suzie Q. has a few paternity tests run!

Signing off until tomorrow night,

Jimmy Oldsun
Night Desk Staff Reporter
Hermann Hearsay

2010 Gasconade County Budget

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

The Gasconade County Commissioners began the 2010 county budgeting process at their regular weekly meeting at the Owensville City Hall this morning.  The budgeting process will continue at the County Courthouse in Hermann on Friday morning at 8:30 a.m.

Hermann Hearsay has a few questions:

1. Will sufficient funds be budgeted in 2010 for the proper maintenance and preservation of our Gasconade County Courthouse or will the County Commission continue to grossly underfund courthouse maintenance and preservation as they have for far too many years in the past? 
2. Will $104,000 REALLY be spent on a new dump truck for the Road and Bridge Department at a time when county employee benefits are being cut, maintenance of the County Courthouse is being neglected, salary increases are being withheld, and so forth and so on?
3. Will the Sheriff's Department budget finally be challenged or will it be permitted to grow without independent oversight by the County Commission?

Hermann Hearsay ...... Free Subscriptions.  Free Advertising.  And Free Budgeting Advice!

Hermann Hearsay encourages the public to turn out in large numbers for the Friday budget meeting!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
Hermann Hearsay

Frank Furter's 3-Day Weather Forecast

Published by Frank Furter, Custodian (recently promoted to Weather Reporter)

3-Day Weather Forecast

Thursday

Day

• High: 11°F  
• Blowing Snow 
• Precipitation: 33%

Night

• Low: 0°F
• Blowing Snow
• Precipitation: 14%

Friday

Day

• High: 7°F  
• Cold
• Precipitation: 14%

 Night

• Low: -5°F
• Partly Cloudy 
• Precipitation: 14%

Saturday

Day

• High: 11°F  
• Partly Sunny
• Precipitation: 14%

Night

• Low: -1°F  
• Partly Cloudy 
• Precipitation: 10%

Frank warns motorists to be careful when driving.  Remember:  snow is slick!  Frank advises that you bring your dogs and cats into the house.  If you have cattle or hogs, herd them into a barn or a farrowing house.  Animals get cold just like people!  Frank also advises you to wear a thick coat, a cap or hat, and mittens when you venture outside during this extreme cold weather. 

Disclaimer:  If our weather forecast proves to be inaccurate, Hermann Hearsay and Frank Furter accept no liability whatsoever for your inconvenience, pain and suffering due to bodily injury or any actual financial damages you may sustain.  If you don't like our weather forecasts, please don't call us and bitch about it.  We get enough complaints around here.  Instead, go to The Weather Channel at http://www.weather.com/.

Frank Furter
Custodian and Weather Reporter
Hermann Hearsay

Snow Day at Hermann Hearsay

Published by Frank Furter, Custodian

Clark asked me to publish this notice.  Hermann Hearsay will be closed for the day because of the snow and frigid weather.  Clark is stuck in a snow drift on a private road leading from his country home on the outskirts of Hermann.  Jimmy ran into the ditch out on Hwy. 19 after night shift.  And Lois Lame is shacked up with her new boyfriend, Elmer Fudd.

As for me, well I'm workin' my tail off throwin' wood into our under-sized pot belly stove and shovelin' snow off the sidewalk!

Frank Furter
Hermann Hearsay Custodian

"End Of An Era" ..... From The Night Desk - 1/7/2010

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Reporter

A grand era of online news reporting came to a sad but unceremonious close today as the Hermann Muenster sign was taken down and the new Hermann News sign was hoisted into its place at 406 South Market Street in Hermann.  Apparently, Hermann News will continue to operate in the news offices once occupied by Hermann Muenster staff.

It's not clear whether or not litigation between the previous co-owners of Hermann Muenster will follow.  One of the co-owners of Hermann Muenster has intimated publicly that litigation is a possibility.  Hermann Hearsay will monitor court filings and report to you if any action is initiated by either party.

Jeff Noedel's new CountyNewsLIVE.com started up earlier this week amidst the fanfare of friends and supporters.  Noedel was a co-owner of Hermann Muenster.  Mr. Noedel and his ever-present, camera-totin' side-kick, MU Journalism School grad, Alex Luft, will be holding their Grand Opening tomorrow afternoon at their new office location on West 5th Street.

Hermann Hearsay wishes HermannNews.com, CountyNewsLIVE.com and the venerable Hermann Advertiser-Courier newspaper all the best!  My goodness!  With all this high-powered local news coverage, Hermann residents are going to know about every little fender-bender, every feral cat running loose within the city limits, every controvery in the halls of both city and county government, and every indiscrete or promiscuous action of their neighbor!

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter
Hermann Hearsay Night Desk

Is the GCCS still "operational"?

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

I was just wondering ..... Is the GCCS (Gasconade County Courthouse Society) still "operational"?  Does anyone happen to know what is or is not going on?

I paid my $10 membership fee and attended the first annual meeting of membership at the county courthouse on the evening August 10, 2009.  Since that time I am not aware of any further public meetings of the GCCS.  No meetings of the membership at large and no meetings of the board of directors .... at least none to my knowledge.  But I could be misinformed.

What gives?  Has the GCCS thrown in the towel?  Has the GCCS given up on its once passionate and determined mission to renovate the existing courthouse building and build a county office annex?  And if so, what is the reason?

I will be checking with the GCCS board members to see if anyone would like to make a statement on behalf of the GCCS for the record or would like to provide Hermann Hearsay an exclusive interview.  I don't see anyone else pressing this issue, so Hermann Hearsay may as well ask a few probing questions!

For historical reference and perspective, I am reprinting hereinbelow the GCCS press release dated 8/25/2009.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

GCCS Press Release
from Sharon Meyer, GCCS Secretary

The Gasconade County Courthouse Society, (GCCS), held its first annual membership meeting on August 10. Jon Held, the acting chair, called the meeting to order at 7:00 p.m. with 46 people in attendance that included the Gasconade County Commissioners.

In his opening remarks, Jon Held spoke about the reasons the GCCS was formed by concerned citizens on April 23, 2008 and reiterated the purpose and mission as stated in the By-Laws, which is to acquire monies to restore, retain, preserve, and expand the facilities of the Gasconade County Courthouse in Hermann, Mo., as the county seat in order to meet the current and future needs of county government.

Jon Held recognized Joe Roetheli, who drove in from Kansas City to attend the meeting. Jon recapped how Joe’s extraordinary donation was a huge spark for the Society that gave us the ability to purchase the four lots adjacent to the courthouse, which are critical in achieving our purpose. Jon explained that the four lots held by the GCCS cannot be sold by anyone and must be used for the courthouse by 2012 or they revert back to Mr. Roetheli. Jon then reminded those in attendance that the only body that can make official decisions regarding county property is the County Commission. Jon recognized the Commissioners.

Jon then laid out the challenges for the Society as developing a plan which the citizens support, securing six to eight million in funding, and most importantly working together as a county to accomplish the goal. Then the meeting turned to the agenda items, which included the election of the Board of Directors. Jon explained that the By-Laws had recently been revised so that the Board was increased to thirteen members and includes a representative from each of the County’s nine townships and four members at large. Jon thanked the nominating committee, Muriel Brison, Debbie Weingarth, and Sam Bennett for their work and reported they had volunteers wishing to serve in all but four of the townships. Jon then took nominations from the floor and the GCCS voted on the nominees by ballot. Jon Held is in the process of contacting all of those that were nominated and elected to serve on the GCCS Board of Directors. Out of respect for the nominees, the GCCS will announce the names as soon as everyone has confirmed they will serve.

As Roger Prior, the former County Clerk, and Jon were counting the ballots; Joe Roetheli spoke to the group about the unique treasure the courthouse is for Gasconade County. Joe also remarked that out of over 1,300 counties in the United States, the Gasconade County Courthouse appears to be the only one built entirely with private funds. This demonstrates the entrepreneurial spirit upon which our great country was built. And, this alone makes the Courthouse worth saving. Jon interjected that one other county in Wisconsin was built with private funds. Joe then asked the group to do the math and stated .15% of county courthouses were paid for with private funds. He asked if the citizens realized what a rarity this is and how he would love to find that in a business. Joe stated that this unique fact warrants the protection and restoration of the Courthouse.

During the meeting, the members took care of general items of business. At the end of the meeting, Sharon Meyer, the secretary reported that 27 memberships had been paid for during the evening and $1300 had been collected in dues. Jon Held and Sharon reminded those present to contact their family and friends about becoming members.

Annual membership in the organization is $10 for individuals and $15 for families. Additional information is available at http://www.gccourthouse.com/

The Gasconade County Courthouse Society encourages everyone to join and assist in such a worthy purpose. Together we can succeed!

From The Night Desk Of Jimmy Oldsun - 1/6/2010

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Reporter on the Night Desk

A credible source who prefers to remain anonymous at this time has told Hermann Hearsay that the owners of a certain well-known business located on Market Street were seen moving office furniture and equipment out of their rented office space on Tuesday evening.  Hermann Hearsay has not been able to confirm this report with an independent second source nor has Hermann Hearsay been able to contact the owners themselves to find out if they are moving to a new location or whether they are just upgrading to newer office furniture and equipment.  That is why we are not reporting the name of the business nor the names of the business owners.  If anyone can shed any further light on this apparent
developing story, please contact our news department as soon as possible.

In an unrelated matter, two ambulance vehicles were called out in the eleven o'clock hour.  Since our owner, T. T. Tiger, is too squeaky tight to buy us a police scanner, I am unable to report anything further on this matter.  I'm sure we will all hear more about it in a coffee shop or convenience store tomorrow morning.  I hope you can wait until then for heavensakes!

On the continuing matter of the stray cats running rampant in Hermann, I can't say that I've seen anything of them as I have driven around town tonight.  I suppose that they may have all died off in the terrible cold last night.  If anyone out there has any stray cats to report, please contact our news department or Alderman John Penning.

Elmer J. Fudd, owner of the recently opened Elmer J. Fudd's Wabbit Stew has asked us to keep our eyes peeled for rabbits.  I didn't see any rabbits tonight, but I did see a grey squirrel running along a power line in the downtown area just before dusk this evening.

If you haven't already taken your patio plants inside yet this winter, it's probably too late.  I'm pretty sure the extreme cold spell has killed all patio potted plants by now.  The Weather Channel says it's 8 degrees Fahrenheit at about 12:30 am, Wednesday morning, but my outside thermometer is reading 10 degrees Fahrenheit.  The flags at the V.F.W. and the German School Museum indicate a very, very slight breeze.

The 2010 Gasconade County Sheriff Calendars are now available.  I've seen them at Time For Pie and the Hermann Advertiser-Courier, both sponsors of this year's calendar.  I don't where you'd go to buy one or get a free one, I'm just reporting that they're out and about.

On a non-local matter, I am anxiously awaiting college football's national championship game this Thursday night between the Texas Longhorns and the Alabama Crimson Tide.  I haven't the foggiest idea how this game might go, but I think it's gonna be a real battle of two great teams.  Bama is favored by 3-1/2 points.

Well, Clark told be to keep these nightly reports crisp and to the point, so I think I'll conclude by reporting that it's a cold night in Hermann and everything throughout the community seems to be buttoned up tighter than a tick!

Signing off from the night desk,

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

Elmer Fudd's Wabbit Stew - First Free Hermann Hearsay Advertisement

Published by Lois Lame, Advertising Department

After concluding the "Man On The Street" interview with Elmer J. Fudd this afternoon, Elmer authorized me to place the following advertisement on his behalf:

Elmer J. Fudd's Wabbit Stew

The best wabbit stew in Gasconade County!  Made daily with fwesh wabbit meat, potatoes, cawwots, navy beans, tomato juice, bay leaves, red onions, Watkins onion and garlic pepper and Watkins pure gwanulated black pepper.

32 ounces ............................................................................................... $4.95

64 ounces ............................................................................................... $8.95

Larger quantities .......................................................... Contwact w/ Elmer

Call Elmer at 1-800-4WABBIT or leave order with Lois Lame at Hermann Hearsay.

Man On The Street Interview #2

Published by Lois Lame, Lifestyle Reporter

As cold as it is, I took to the streets this afternoon to conduct our second "Man On The Street" interview.  Today we caught up with Elmer Fudd (Hermann) at the corner of 5th & Market as he exited the Sharp Corner Tavern.  The topic for this "Man On The Street" interview was the sudden explosion in the number of news media outlets here in Hermann and the impact of this on local residents.

Lois:  Hello, my name is Lois Lame and I'm the Lifestyle Reporter for Hermann Hearsay.  I was hoping I could get your comment on something that is going on here in Hermann.  May I ask you a few questions?

Elmer:  Why certainly!  You'll have to be quick about it though!  Too cold to be standin' awound out here vewy long!

Lois:  Great!  First of all, what is your name, where do you live and what do you do for a living?

Elmer:  My name is Elmer Fudd.  I live in Hermann.  And I hunt wascally wabbits for a living.

Lois:  I see!  A big game hunter, eh Elmer?

Elmer:  That's wight!  I'm a wabbit hunter!

Lois:  My question is this, Elmer ..... Recently we've had an explosion in the number of local news media outlets here in Hermann.  For a long time, we've had only one local newspaper, The Hermann Advertiser-Courier.  Now we have The Hermann A-C, Hermann News (formerly Hermann Muenster), Gasconade County Soapbox, County News LIVE and Hermann Hearsay.  How has this explosion in "news" coverage affected you, Elmer?

Elmer:  Well Lois, I guess it's like this ..... It seems like somebody is always shovin' a micwophone in my face and askin' me my opinion about somethin'.  And somebody is always snappin' photos of me.  And that gets mighty aggwavatin' ..... especially when I'm dwawin' down on a wascally wabbit!  That Alex Luft fellow has caused me to miss a whole bunch of wabbits!

Lois:  Ha ha ha!  That's funny, Elmer!  I hope I'm not bothering you too much by sticking this microphone in your face!

Elmer:  Don't mind you doin' it Ms. Lame.  Your kinda cute and weal nice to talk with!

Lois:  Do you think our local "news" media outlets can do a better job of reporting on subjects of a local interest?

Elmer:  Well Ms. Lame, I sure would like to see more weporting about wabbits!  Maybe you folks could consider a "Wabbit Weport".  It sure would help me out!  If you could just weport on where you're seein' wabbits wunnin' acwoss woads or playin' in back yawds.  Then I could sneak up on 'em and blow 'em to smitheweens!

Lois:  Good idea, Elmer!  I'll bet all the rabbit hunters in the county would like us to provide a Rabbit Report service!

Elmer:  Can I go now, Ms. Lame?  I'm gettin' cold, and I've got some wabbits I've got to skin!

Lois:  Cetainly, Elmer!  Certainly!  Thanks for letting me interview you!

Elmer:  Bye!  I'm gonna make you a coat out of wabbit fur, Ms.  Lame.  You're weally nice!

Lois:  Thank you, Elmer!  Mighty nice of you to say so!

Reader and Advertiser Stats

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Reader Stats (thru 12/31/2009)

Total # of regular readers ..........9 (estimated)  Alfred, Elmer, Clyde, Ima, Homer, Fritz, Roho,  Gabby & Gertrude
Total # of free subscriptions ......9 (estimated)  Ditto above

Advertiser Stats (thru 12/31/2009)

Total # of free advertisers ........ 0 (several firm commitments for 2010)

Seems like the trend in the online "news" industry is to fully disclose readership and advertiser statistics.  In keeping with this trend, Hermann Hearsay will begin publishing its statistics on a monthly frequency.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Colder Than A Well-Digger's Ass In Alaska!

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Reporter

Brrrrrrrrrr!  It's a cold one tonight!  About 7 degrees on the Fahrenheit scale at 3:25 am accordin' to my uncalibrated outside thermometer.  I don't know what the windchill is.  If ya wanna know that, you'll have to go to one of those fancier daily news websites in Hermann or you can just go to:  http://www.weatherchannel.com/.

Clark has assigned me to the night desk.  He says our competition is coverin' Hermann news on a 24/7 basis.  Says that if they're gonna cover Hermann around the clock, then we are too!  That Clark is a real task master!

Well, I haven't heard of any worthwhile news to report to you so far tonight.  I saw the cop car go by a few times on their normal patrol.  And I saw a grey cat cross market street at about 2:56 am this morning!  It might have been one of those stray cats that Hermann Alderman John Penning has been complainin' about.  Nope, I didn't get an exclusive interview with the cat.  He ran off before I could get my pocket recorder out of my coat.  Maybe Jeff Noedel got an interview with him though.  I understand Jeff is manning the night shift over at Jeff Noedel's CountyNewsLIVE.com.

This night shift reporting is for the damned birds ...... for the penquins to be exact!

Signing off until tomorrow night,

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

Hermann Hearsay Business Cards

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Hermann Hearsay tries to keep its operating costs at a bare minimum.  We pay our staff the lowest salaries we can get by with.  We don't provide them a benefit package or country club membership.  We don't provide our staff of crack reporters a comfy office in which to work.  We make them get right out there in the community where the actions is and file their reports via the internet or by telephone.  We don't even reimburse the travel expenses of our reporters.  And up until now, we haven't even provided them business cards.

Well, times are changing!  We find ourselves under intense competition from Hermann News (formerly Hermann Muenster), Gasconade County Soapbox, the brand new County News Live website, not to mention the two great newspapers of record in Gasconade County, the Hermann Advertiser-Courier and the Gasconade County Republican.  Because of this competitive business environment, our owner and founder, Truman T. Tiger, has authorized me to purchase some cheap business cards for myself, Jimmy Oldsun and Lois Lame.

I wanted to get your input on the design of the our business card before I rush out there and place an order for 500 cards.  Please tell me what you think of the business card copy presented below.  Please be brutally honest.

****Proposed business card copy****

Hermann Hearsay

FREE ..... FUNNY ..... FLIPPANT ..... FARCICAL
News, news analysis, opinion editorials, local man-on-the-street interviews, unsubstantiated
coffee shop rumors and hearsay ..... basically all the stuff you really want or need!

The latest rumors, one-sided reports and hearsay ... straight from the horse's mouth!

http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/                  1-800-HEARSAY

 
Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

The Problem With Online "News" Blogs

Published by Truman T. Tiger, Owner and Founder of Hermann Hearsay

I want to discuss something here that has been bothering me for quite awhile.

Have you ever taken time to consider the typical nature of online so-called "news" websites or blogs?  I'm talking about the kind of "news" sites which allow, encourage and even actively promote reader participation.  I'm talking about the kind of "news" sites which go well beyond just reporting the factual information related to news stories and the actual quotes given by the newsmakers in those stories.  I'm talking about the online "news" sites that intentionally stir up controversy in order to encourage reader participation .... in order to create "buzz" .... in order to increase advertising revenue and reader subscription fees.  Those are the online "news" sites I'm talkin' about!

Objective and professional journalists, and there are many such fine journalists in America, will report all the pertinent facts about a news story.  An objective and professional journalist will answer the following questions in sufficient detail to satisfy all or most of the questions his/her readers may have:  What happened or is about to happen?  Where did it happen or is it about to happen?  Who and/or what is (are) the source(s) for the news story?  (Note:  A really good journalist will try to confirm his stories using two or three independent sources of credible information.)  Are the sources used/quoted credible and are the sources uniquely positioned to know what they are talking about?  What are the implications and/or consequences of this news story?  In other words, why should the reader even care about this news story?

An online so-called "news" site which invites (and often incites) its readers to make comments on a story about which all sides of that story have not been thoroughly and fairly researched and represented does a great disservice to its community of readers.  Readers often get stirred up and agitated, because all sides of a particular story have not been fairly reported, which is too often done purposely.  Readers also get stirred up and agitated by the comments published on the "news" site by "shills" who are used (sometimes employed) to pump-up controversy, reader interest and readership volume.  In such instances, it's all about pumping-up readership to attract advertising revenue rather than objectively reporting on the news stories.

Here at Hermann Hearsay, we DO NOT purport to be a legitimate online "news" website.  Rather, our purpose is to expose the hypocrisy of sites which DO represent themselves as legitimate "news" sites of the "future" and drain precious advertising dollars from local businesses to run what basically amount to "opinion blogs".  We expose this kind of hypocrisy by using humor in our "reporting".  We use various forms of humor to drive our points home .... parody, farce and exaggeration. 

Our readers can judge for themselves.  Afterall, all of our readers here at Hermann Hearsay are highly-educated and exceptionally discerning. I've had the pleasure of meeting and becoming acquainted with all of my readers.  I maintain that IF you are looking for hard news coverage without the attendant chatter of partially-informed readers, you should read your local newspaper (like the Hermann Advertiser-Courier), a good state/regional newspaper (like the St. Louis Post-Dispatch) and a prominent national/international newspaper (like the Wall Street Journal or the New York Times).  Reading these newspapers will give you plenty of current news and news analysis written by EXPERIENCED PROFESSIONAL JOURNALISTS.  And when you read these fine newspapers, you must still be aware that every reporter is a human being and thus has his/her own personal biases and agendas.  The editors of these publications also have their own personal biases and agendas.  But our readers already know that.  Our readers are intelligent, critical and analytical.  They will not be taken in by spin or one-sided, biased reporting!

And then, if you want to discuss and argue about local, county, state, national and international issues, don't argue with other unnamed, anonymous readers on one of those so-called "news" websites.  Instead, go down to your local coffee shop, restaurant, barber shop, beauty shop or tavern and strike up a satisfying and stimulating conversation with your neighbors.  You'll meet and make new friends.  You'll have interesting, stimulating and informative conversations.  And best of all, you won't have to pay a "subscription fee" for the privilege!

Truman T. Tiger
Owner and Founder
Hermann Hearsay

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Well, it's been a great 2009 here at Hermann Hearsay!  We've met a lot of new friends, and we've successfully launched our online daily news and "hearsay" website.  We couldn't be more thankful to our many loyal readers, and we're looking forward to an even bigger and better 2010.

And now it's that time of year when we pause to wish all of our friends and readers a HAPPY NEW YEAR and GOOD FORTUNE!!!  The entire staff here at Hermann Hearsay (Jimmy, Lois and myself) pause to thank you and wish you a happy, healthy and prosperous new year!

We will be knocking off work here at noon today for our first annual New Years office party ....... coffee and pie at 'Time For Pie'.  You're welcome to stop by for a cup of coffee and a piece of pie.  I will be leaving at 2:30 pm to watch Mizzou beat Navy in the Texas Bowl.  The game will be televised on ESPN.  GO TIGERS!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

FREE ADVERTISING WILL IMPROVE YOUR BOTTOM LINE!

Published by Lois Lame, Advertising Department

Are advertising costs becoming unaffordable for your struggling business?  Well then, advertise here with Hermann Hearsay for FREE!  Yes, FREE!  No catches, no fine print, no bull!

Just provide us a little background information and let our crack team go to work on an article advertising your products and/or services.  Here's what we need:

1. Name of business
2. In business since __________ .
3. Owner and/or manager of business
4. Location of business
5. Hours of operation
6. Products and/or services offered
7. Business telephone number(s)
8. Business email address
9. Business website

Call us at 1-800-HEARSAY or leave a comment with contact information and we'll call you!

Lois Lame
Advertising Department

Hermann Hearsay STILL FREE OF CHARGE!!!!!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

In an increasingly depressed economic environment where other online daily news outlets are charging their readers subscription fees and their advertisers advertisement fees, Hermann Hearsay is very proud to announce that it is STILL FREE OF CHARGE to EVERYONE!  Furthermore, Hermann Hearsay will REMAIN FREE OF CHARGE to EVERYONE as long as owner and founder, Truman T. Tiger, retains ownership of our online service!

How do we do it, you ask?  Simple!  We keep our cost structure lower than everyone else!  No fancy news department offices here!  No bloated salaries and benefit packages for me and my staff.  We are th lowest paid jounalists in Gasconade County.  In fact, I provide my own computer system, my own desk and chair, and even my own damned coffee!  Instead of burning up gas money driving to the scene of a breaking news story, we rely upon "hearsay" reports from our friends and contacts in the local community.  We do everything you can think of to hold our costs to a bare minimum.

You see, our owner is a miserly old fuddy-duddy of a businessman!  He can pinch a penny more than anyone I've ever seen!  Jimmy, Lois and I can criticize him all we want.  What's he gonna do?  Fire us?!  Nope, he'll never do that 'cause we work cheaper than anyone else he could find!

So friends, if you want to advertise on Hermann Hearsay for FREE, give us a call here at 1-800-HEARSAY or simply leave a comment on the website.  And if you have friends and associates who are looking to tap into local hearsay and gossip FREE OF SUBSCRIPTION CHARGES, send 'em our way.  We don't charge even one thin dime to those who want to read our Pulitizer prize-winning "hearsay reports"!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Does Gasconade County really need a NEW $100,000 dump truck?

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

According to a news story which appeared in a local online daily news site yesterday, 12/28/2009, Gasconade County has received bids on a NEW $100,000 tandem dump truck.  Amazing that the county has solicited bids for a NEW truck during a period of time in which the county has had to cut employee benefits, withhold wage increases, and withhold money for basic repairs to the county courthouse!  Truly amazing! 

Road department "officials" are reviewing three bids recently submitted and will make their formal recommendation to Commissioners Jost, Lairmore and Penning next week.

Hermann Hearsay has studied the county's financial condition and opposes the purchase of a new truck at this particular time.  The county should not purchase a NEW truck at this time when the county's budget is so severely strained.  Hermann Hearsay asks the County Commissioners to answer these questions:

1. Why is a NEW truck needed?  Is the used truck it will replace beyond reasonable repair at a much lower cost?  How much would it cost to make needed repairs on the county's used truck?  How much would it cost to purchase a serviceable used truck in good condition? 
2. Is the County Commission proposing to buy the NEW truck outright or lease it over a period of years?  If the truck is to be leased, what will be the total cost to the county over the entire term of the lease?
3. Has the county investigated alternative means for hauling county materials?  Has the county investigated the feasibility of contracting out the hauling of its materials with a custom hauler?  What did the cost analysis reveal?  (In this cost analysis, the county should be careful to consider fuel and oil expense savings, tire replacement and repair expense savings, other maintenance expense savings, and the potential for labor cost savings and staff reductions.)
4. Would it not be a better use of county funds to repair and upgrade real non-depreciating county assets, in particular the county courthouse?  Why is it that there is never any money for needed repairs and renovation of the county courthouse, but there is always money available to purchase depreciating assets like trucks and other equipment for the road and bridge department?

Hermann Hearsay invites the County Commissioners to comment on these questions.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Hermann Hearsay FOR SALE!!!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Recognizing that a certain dispossessed former co-owner of Hermann News (formerly known as Hermann Muenster) is in a desperate search for a daily online news website, Truman T. Tiger, owner and founder of Hermann Hearsay, today announced that he would be willing to sell ....... for the right price and other required terms of sale. 

According to Mr. Tiger .... "I might as well sell out now.  Rumor has it there will soon be a third daily online news website in Hermann.  This little one-horse town just ain't big enough to support three daily online news sites in addition to a real newspaper like the Hermann A-C.  Yep, I'm gettin' out of the news business while the gettin's good!"

Mr. Tiger has authorized me to publish his asking price and terms of sale in today's edition of Hermann Hearsay.

• Asking Price - $100,000 cash (small bills $50 denomination or lower)
• Absolutely No Owner Financing - Hermann Hearsay is not a freakin' bank for cryin' out loud!
• Continued Employment of Current Staff - Clark Kant, Editor In Chief (salary $15,000 plus free coffee); Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Writer and Assistant Editor (salary $12,000 plus free Mizzou season football tickets); Lois Lame, Staff Writer (salary $8,000 plus paid bar bill at the Sharp Corner Tavern)
• Editorial Policy Continued - While operating under the Hermann Hearsay banner, the new owners must agree that they will not blatantly take sides in local political disputes and thereby stir the pot of public controversy by publishing irresponsible one-sided reports.

I have been authorized to receive serious offers on behalf of the owner, Mr. Tiger.  I can be reached at this website by leaving a comment.  Or you may call me at 1-800-HEARSAY.  If none of this works, you can hunt me down at one of the coffee shops or one the bars in Hermann.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief