Man On The Street Interview #2

Published by Lois Lame, Lifestyle Reporter

As cold as it is, I took to the streets this afternoon to conduct our second "Man On The Street" interview.  Today we caught up with Elmer Fudd (Hermann) at the corner of 5th & Market as he exited the Sharp Corner Tavern.  The topic for this "Man On The Street" interview was the sudden explosion in the number of news media outlets here in Hermann and the impact of this on local residents.

Lois:  Hello, my name is Lois Lame and I'm the Lifestyle Reporter for Hermann Hearsay.  I was hoping I could get your comment on something that is going on here in Hermann.  May I ask you a few questions?

Elmer:  Why certainly!  You'll have to be quick about it though!  Too cold to be standin' awound out here vewy long!

Lois:  Great!  First of all, what is your name, where do you live and what do you do for a living?

Elmer:  My name is Elmer Fudd.  I live in Hermann.  And I hunt wascally wabbits for a living.

Lois:  I see!  A big game hunter, eh Elmer?

Elmer:  That's wight!  I'm a wabbit hunter!

Lois:  My question is this, Elmer ..... Recently we've had an explosion in the number of local news media outlets here in Hermann.  For a long time, we've had only one local newspaper, The Hermann Advertiser-Courier.  Now we have The Hermann A-C, Hermann News (formerly Hermann Muenster), Gasconade County Soapbox, County News LIVE and Hermann Hearsay.  How has this explosion in "news" coverage affected you, Elmer?

Elmer:  Well Lois, I guess it's like this ..... It seems like somebody is always shovin' a micwophone in my face and askin' me my opinion about somethin'.  And somebody is always snappin' photos of me.  And that gets mighty aggwavatin' ..... especially when I'm dwawin' down on a wascally wabbit!  That Alex Luft fellow has caused me to miss a whole bunch of wabbits!

Lois:  Ha ha ha!  That's funny, Elmer!  I hope I'm not bothering you too much by sticking this microphone in your face!

Elmer:  Don't mind you doin' it Ms. Lame.  Your kinda cute and weal nice to talk with!

Lois:  Do you think our local "news" media outlets can do a better job of reporting on subjects of a local interest?

Elmer:  Well Ms. Lame, I sure would like to see more weporting about wabbits!  Maybe you folks could consider a "Wabbit Weport".  It sure would help me out!  If you could just weport on where you're seein' wabbits wunnin' acwoss woads or playin' in back yawds.  Then I could sneak up on 'em and blow 'em to smitheweens!

Lois:  Good idea, Elmer!  I'll bet all the rabbit hunters in the county would like us to provide a Rabbit Report service!

Elmer:  Can I go now, Ms. Lame?  I'm gettin' cold, and I've got some wabbits I've got to skin!

Lois:  Cetainly, Elmer!  Certainly!  Thanks for letting me interview you!

Elmer:  Bye!  I'm gonna make you a coat out of wabbit fur, Ms.  Lame.  You're weally nice!

Lois:  Thank you, Elmer!  Mighty nice of you to say so!

Reader and Advertiser Stats

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Reader Stats (thru 12/31/2009)

Total # of regular readers ..........9 (estimated)  Alfred, Elmer, Clyde, Ima, Homer, Fritz, Roho,  Gabby & Gertrude
Total # of free subscriptions ......9 (estimated)  Ditto above

Advertiser Stats (thru 12/31/2009)

Total # of free advertisers ........ 0 (several firm commitments for 2010)

Seems like the trend in the online "news" industry is to fully disclose readership and advertiser statistics.  In keeping with this trend, Hermann Hearsay will begin publishing its statistics on a monthly frequency.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Colder Than A Well-Digger's Ass In Alaska!

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Reporter

Brrrrrrrrrr!  It's a cold one tonight!  About 7 degrees on the Fahrenheit scale at 3:25 am accordin' to my uncalibrated outside thermometer.  I don't know what the windchill is.  If ya wanna know that, you'll have to go to one of those fancier daily news websites in Hermann or you can just go to:  http://www.weatherchannel.com/.

Clark has assigned me to the night desk.  He says our competition is coverin' Hermann news on a 24/7 basis.  Says that if they're gonna cover Hermann around the clock, then we are too!  That Clark is a real task master!

Well, I haven't heard of any worthwhile news to report to you so far tonight.  I saw the cop car go by a few times on their normal patrol.  And I saw a grey cat cross market street at about 2:56 am this morning!  It might have been one of those stray cats that Hermann Alderman John Penning has been complainin' about.  Nope, I didn't get an exclusive interview with the cat.  He ran off before I could get my pocket recorder out of my coat.  Maybe Jeff Noedel got an interview with him though.  I understand Jeff is manning the night shift over at Jeff Noedel's CountyNewsLIVE.com.

This night shift reporting is for the damned birds ...... for the penquins to be exact!

Signing off until tomorrow night,

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

Hermann Hearsay Business Cards

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Hermann Hearsay tries to keep its operating costs at a bare minimum.  We pay our staff the lowest salaries we can get by with.  We don't provide them a benefit package or country club membership.  We don't provide our staff of crack reporters a comfy office in which to work.  We make them get right out there in the community where the actions is and file their reports via the internet or by telephone.  We don't even reimburse the travel expenses of our reporters.  And up until now, we haven't even provided them business cards.

Well, times are changing!  We find ourselves under intense competition from Hermann News (formerly Hermann Muenster), Gasconade County Soapbox, the brand new County News Live website, not to mention the two great newspapers of record in Gasconade County, the Hermann Advertiser-Courier and the Gasconade County Republican.  Because of this competitive business environment, our owner and founder, Truman T. Tiger, has authorized me to purchase some cheap business cards for myself, Jimmy Oldsun and Lois Lame.

I wanted to get your input on the design of the our business card before I rush out there and place an order for 500 cards.  Please tell me what you think of the business card copy presented below.  Please be brutally honest.

****Proposed business card copy****

Hermann Hearsay

FREE ..... FUNNY ..... FLIPPANT ..... FARCICAL
News, news analysis, opinion editorials, local man-on-the-street interviews, unsubstantiated
coffee shop rumors and hearsay ..... basically all the stuff you really want or need!

The latest rumors, one-sided reports and hearsay ... straight from the horse's mouth!

http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/                  1-800-HEARSAY

 
Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

The Problem With Online "News" Blogs

Published by Truman T. Tiger, Owner and Founder of Hermann Hearsay

I want to discuss something here that has been bothering me for quite awhile.

Have you ever taken time to consider the typical nature of online so-called "news" websites or blogs?  I'm talking about the kind of "news" sites which allow, encourage and even actively promote reader participation.  I'm talking about the kind of "news" sites which go well beyond just reporting the factual information related to news stories and the actual quotes given by the newsmakers in those stories.  I'm talking about the online "news" sites that intentionally stir up controversy in order to encourage reader participation .... in order to create "buzz" .... in order to increase advertising revenue and reader subscription fees.  Those are the online "news" sites I'm talkin' about!

Objective and professional journalists, and there are many such fine journalists in America, will report all the pertinent facts about a news story.  An objective and professional journalist will answer the following questions in sufficient detail to satisfy all or most of the questions his/her readers may have:  What happened or is about to happen?  Where did it happen or is it about to happen?  Who and/or what is (are) the source(s) for the news story?  (Note:  A really good journalist will try to confirm his stories using two or three independent sources of credible information.)  Are the sources used/quoted credible and are the sources uniquely positioned to know what they are talking about?  What are the implications and/or consequences of this news story?  In other words, why should the reader even care about this news story?

An online so-called "news" site which invites (and often incites) its readers to make comments on a story about which all sides of that story have not been thoroughly and fairly researched and represented does a great disservice to its community of readers.  Readers often get stirred up and agitated, because all sides of a particular story have not been fairly reported, which is too often done purposely.  Readers also get stirred up and agitated by the comments published on the "news" site by "shills" who are used (sometimes employed) to pump-up controversy, reader interest and readership volume.  In such instances, it's all about pumping-up readership to attract advertising revenue rather than objectively reporting on the news stories.

Here at Hermann Hearsay, we DO NOT purport to be a legitimate online "news" website.  Rather, our purpose is to expose the hypocrisy of sites which DO represent themselves as legitimate "news" sites of the "future" and drain precious advertising dollars from local businesses to run what basically amount to "opinion blogs".  We expose this kind of hypocrisy by using humor in our "reporting".  We use various forms of humor to drive our points home .... parody, farce and exaggeration. 

Our readers can judge for themselves.  Afterall, all of our readers here at Hermann Hearsay are highly-educated and exceptionally discerning. I've had the pleasure of meeting and becoming acquainted with all of my readers.  I maintain that IF you are looking for hard news coverage without the attendant chatter of partially-informed readers, you should read your local newspaper (like the Hermann Advertiser-Courier), a good state/regional newspaper (like the St. Louis Post-Dispatch) and a prominent national/international newspaper (like the Wall Street Journal or the New York Times).  Reading these newspapers will give you plenty of current news and news analysis written by EXPERIENCED PROFESSIONAL JOURNALISTS.  And when you read these fine newspapers, you must still be aware that every reporter is a human being and thus has his/her own personal biases and agendas.  The editors of these publications also have their own personal biases and agendas.  But our readers already know that.  Our readers are intelligent, critical and analytical.  They will not be taken in by spin or one-sided, biased reporting!

And then, if you want to discuss and argue about local, county, state, national and international issues, don't argue with other unnamed, anonymous readers on one of those so-called "news" websites.  Instead, go down to your local coffee shop, restaurant, barber shop, beauty shop or tavern and strike up a satisfying and stimulating conversation with your neighbors.  You'll meet and make new friends.  You'll have interesting, stimulating and informative conversations.  And best of all, you won't have to pay a "subscription fee" for the privilege!

Truman T. Tiger
Owner and Founder
Hermann Hearsay

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Well, it's been a great 2009 here at Hermann Hearsay!  We've met a lot of new friends, and we've successfully launched our online daily news and "hearsay" website.  We couldn't be more thankful to our many loyal readers, and we're looking forward to an even bigger and better 2010.

And now it's that time of year when we pause to wish all of our friends and readers a HAPPY NEW YEAR and GOOD FORTUNE!!!  The entire staff here at Hermann Hearsay (Jimmy, Lois and myself) pause to thank you and wish you a happy, healthy and prosperous new year!

We will be knocking off work here at noon today for our first annual New Years office party ....... coffee and pie at 'Time For Pie'.  You're welcome to stop by for a cup of coffee and a piece of pie.  I will be leaving at 2:30 pm to watch Mizzou beat Navy in the Texas Bowl.  The game will be televised on ESPN.  GO TIGERS!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

FREE ADVERTISING WILL IMPROVE YOUR BOTTOM LINE!

Published by Lois Lame, Advertising Department

Are advertising costs becoming unaffordable for your struggling business?  Well then, advertise here with Hermann Hearsay for FREE!  Yes, FREE!  No catches, no fine print, no bull!

Just provide us a little background information and let our crack team go to work on an article advertising your products and/or services.  Here's what we need:

1. Name of business
2. In business since __________ .
3. Owner and/or manager of business
4. Location of business
5. Hours of operation
6. Products and/or services offered
7. Business telephone number(s)
8. Business email address
9. Business website

Call us at 1-800-HEARSAY or leave a comment with contact information and we'll call you!

Lois Lame
Advertising Department

Hermann Hearsay STILL FREE OF CHARGE!!!!!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

In an increasingly depressed economic environment where other online daily news outlets are charging their readers subscription fees and their advertisers advertisement fees, Hermann Hearsay is very proud to announce that it is STILL FREE OF CHARGE to EVERYONE!  Furthermore, Hermann Hearsay will REMAIN FREE OF CHARGE to EVERYONE as long as owner and founder, Truman T. Tiger, retains ownership of our online service!

How do we do it, you ask?  Simple!  We keep our cost structure lower than everyone else!  No fancy news department offices here!  No bloated salaries and benefit packages for me and my staff.  We are th lowest paid jounalists in Gasconade County.  In fact, I provide my own computer system, my own desk and chair, and even my own damned coffee!  Instead of burning up gas money driving to the scene of a breaking news story, we rely upon "hearsay" reports from our friends and contacts in the local community.  We do everything you can think of to hold our costs to a bare minimum.

You see, our owner is a miserly old fuddy-duddy of a businessman!  He can pinch a penny more than anyone I've ever seen!  Jimmy, Lois and I can criticize him all we want.  What's he gonna do?  Fire us?!  Nope, he'll never do that 'cause we work cheaper than anyone else he could find!

So friends, if you want to advertise on Hermann Hearsay for FREE, give us a call here at 1-800-HEARSAY or simply leave a comment on the website.  And if you have friends and associates who are looking to tap into local hearsay and gossip FREE OF SUBSCRIPTION CHARGES, send 'em our way.  We don't charge even one thin dime to those who want to read our Pulitizer prize-winning "hearsay reports"!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Does Gasconade County really need a NEW $100,000 dump truck?

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

According to a news story which appeared in a local online daily news site yesterday, 12/28/2009, Gasconade County has received bids on a NEW $100,000 tandem dump truck.  Amazing that the county has solicited bids for a NEW truck during a period of time in which the county has had to cut employee benefits, withhold wage increases, and withhold money for basic repairs to the county courthouse!  Truly amazing! 

Road department "officials" are reviewing three bids recently submitted and will make their formal recommendation to Commissioners Jost, Lairmore and Penning next week.

Hermann Hearsay has studied the county's financial condition and opposes the purchase of a new truck at this particular time.  The county should not purchase a NEW truck at this time when the county's budget is so severely strained.  Hermann Hearsay asks the County Commissioners to answer these questions:

1. Why is a NEW truck needed?  Is the used truck it will replace beyond reasonable repair at a much lower cost?  How much would it cost to make needed repairs on the county's used truck?  How much would it cost to purchase a serviceable used truck in good condition? 
2. Is the County Commission proposing to buy the NEW truck outright or lease it over a period of years?  If the truck is to be leased, what will be the total cost to the county over the entire term of the lease?
3. Has the county investigated alternative means for hauling county materials?  Has the county investigated the feasibility of contracting out the hauling of its materials with a custom hauler?  What did the cost analysis reveal?  (In this cost analysis, the county should be careful to consider fuel and oil expense savings, tire replacement and repair expense savings, other maintenance expense savings, and the potential for labor cost savings and staff reductions.)
4. Would it not be a better use of county funds to repair and upgrade real non-depreciating county assets, in particular the county courthouse?  Why is it that there is never any money for needed repairs and renovation of the county courthouse, but there is always money available to purchase depreciating assets like trucks and other equipment for the road and bridge department?

Hermann Hearsay invites the County Commissioners to comment on these questions.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Hermann Hearsay FOR SALE!!!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Recognizing that a certain dispossessed former co-owner of Hermann News (formerly known as Hermann Muenster) is in a desperate search for a daily online news website, Truman T. Tiger, owner and founder of Hermann Hearsay, today announced that he would be willing to sell ....... for the right price and other required terms of sale. 

According to Mr. Tiger .... "I might as well sell out now.  Rumor has it there will soon be a third daily online news website in Hermann.  This little one-horse town just ain't big enough to support three daily online news sites in addition to a real newspaper like the Hermann A-C.  Yep, I'm gettin' out of the news business while the gettin's good!"

Mr. Tiger has authorized me to publish his asking price and terms of sale in today's edition of Hermann Hearsay.

• Asking Price - $100,000 cash (small bills $50 denomination or lower)
• Absolutely No Owner Financing - Hermann Hearsay is not a freakin' bank for cryin' out loud!
• Continued Employment of Current Staff - Clark Kant, Editor In Chief (salary $15,000 plus free coffee); Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Writer and Assistant Editor (salary $12,000 plus free Mizzou season football tickets); Lois Lame, Staff Writer (salary $8,000 plus paid bar bill at the Sharp Corner Tavern)
• Editorial Policy Continued - While operating under the Hermann Hearsay banner, the new owners must agree that they will not blatantly take sides in local political disputes and thereby stir the pot of public controversy by publishing irresponsible one-sided reports.

I have been authorized to receive serious offers on behalf of the owner, Mr. Tiger.  I can be reached at this website by leaving a comment.  Or you may call me at 1-800-HEARSAY.  If none of this works, you can hunt me down at one of the coffee shops or one the bars in Hermann.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Ron Jost Calls For Meeting Between County Commissioners And The GCCS

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

According to an article published Alex Luft, Editor of the Hermann Muenster on Tuesday, 12/01/2009, Gasconade County Presiding Commissioner Ron Jost has called for a meeting between the County Commissioners and the GCCS to discuss plans for moving ahead with the courthouse renovation.

Wow!  The Muenster beat us to the punch on this story!  I sure didn't see this one coming!  When the meeting finally occurs, you can be sure I will be in attendance to report on the discussions and agreements.

Hermann Hearsay whole-heartedly supports the courthouse renovation and office expansion project.  Hermann Hearsay also supports the proposed second-floor courtroom renovation and restoration work which Northern District Commissioner Matt Penning is pursuing at the request of the judges.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Stray Cats On Old Sand Plant Road

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Article Written by Cynthia P., Freelance Writer

Residents along the Old Sand Plant Road in Hermann have been complaining about stray cats which are being dumped by their irresponsible owners.  The stray cat problem has become so bad that the cats are now reproducing and thus multiplying the nuisance factor.

One resident who prefers that we withhold his name has considered blasting the critters with his 12 ga. Remington pump and placing small IEDs in his yard.  I'm sure he was just kidding me ....... or was he?

Another resident I contacted by telephone in Florida has escaped for the winter with his wife to their second home in the sunshine state.  He told me conditions had deteriorated so much on Old Sand Plant Road that he and his wife could no longer tolerate it.  He said his wife, a very tender-hearted woman,
had been spending as much as $100 per week for cat food just to keep all the stray cats in the neighborhood from starving to death.

Residents along Old Sand Plant Road are asking the people of the Hermann area to please cease and desist from dropping off their unwanted cats.  If the cat problem persists, residents along the Old Sand Plant Road will be forming a Neighborhood Watch Group to catch and expose the guilty "cat dumpers".

Cynthia P.
Freelance Writer

Mizzou Tigers Beat Kansas Jayhawks 41-39

Published by Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

It's a great day to be a Tiger! 

Clark got to see a thrilling nail-biter at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City today.  He called just a few minutes ago, and told me he'll be staying in K.C. overnight to party with the Mizzou alumni.  He also told me I'm doing a fine job with my articles in his absence.  He said I might even be getting a raise!

Yep, it's a great day to be a Tiger! 

The photo on the right is Denario Alexander, Missouri's all-time leading receiver.

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

Lex Luthor Resurfaces

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Reporter

You'll never believe who I ran into yesterday afternoon at Time For Pie!  It was my old nemesis, Lex Luthor.  Lex has mellowed out since the ol' days, and during the intervening years since we last knew each other, he has become quite philosophical.  We had a far-ranging conversation as we sipped our hot coffee.

Lex is conversant in just about any subject you might bring up ....... from national politics and international economic issues to fine wines and bluegrass music.  And whatever you do, don't get him started on conspiracy theories!  That's where he lights up and talks your ears off as he goes off the deep end with his theories about international banking, one world government control and modern medicine!

Somehow we got to talking about wine.  Well, Hermann's a wine town, so why not?!  Lex and I don't agree on much, but we both agreed that red wines are our personal favorites.  While I favor  cabernet, merlot, shiraz and norton, he is a die-hard chianti wine connoisseur.  Turns out Lex had a few bottles of the stuff in his car.  And as we left the coffee shop, Lex was kind enough to give me one of his prized bottles of chianti.

It was very kind of Lex to part with a bottle of his favorite wine.  His kindness will be not be forgotten.  And it will be repaid!

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

That Quilty Day-After-Thanksgiving Feeling

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Reporter

Clark has taken a well-deserved three-day weekend.  He's headed over to Kansas City and will be going to the MU-KU Border War Game at Arrowhead Stadium on Saturday afternoon.  Lois Lame and I have been put in charge till Clark returns. 

Ol' Clark's a big Mizzou fan.  He graduated from the University of Missouri way back long ago when I was but a gleam in my Daddy's eye.  Clark won't let me publish the exact year he graduated because then you could figure out just how old he is.  Suffice it to say that Clark is pretty darned old!

I hope all of our readers enjoyed their Thanksgiving.  As for me, I ate way more than I should have, and today I'm feeling guilty about over-indulging.  After enjoying a large plate full of turkey, dressing and all the obligatory fixin's, I pigged out on the pie.  I had apple pie, pecan pie and pumpkin pie, and I'm not going to disclose just how many total slices!  I don't know what came over me!  I just kept eating and eating!

As I say, I'm feelin' a bit guilty today.  Perhaps you are feelin' guilty as well.  This is the day I traditionally reflect upon the need to go on a diet, to exercise more, to lose some weight and get back down to my old college weight.  Oh, how many years have I done precisely this same thing on the Day After Thanksgiving!  And so, I am today commiting to a three-mile daily walk.  I've been walking two miles per day during 2009.  Maybe I'll join a gym as well.  (Well, I've said that many times before, but I never have.)

So, how 'bout you?  Are you feelin' guilty today?  Have you made any resolutions to lose weight and get back into shape?

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

Happy Thanksgiving To Hermann Hearsay Readers!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Being the Editor In Chief of a premiere Hermann news outlet like Hermann Hearsay is a very tough job!  Why here it is way after midnight, and I'm still up publishing an article for Thanksgiving Day!  But this is the line of work I have chosen!  ***Sigh***

In this business, you've got to be ever-vigilant in order to get the news story precisely when it is first breaking.  For example, in an effort to check out the downtown entertainment scene in Hermann on Thanksgiving Eve, I explored a number of the watering holes and restaurants downtown.  This is a task that only the Editor In Chief can do.  My staff reporters, Jimmy Oldsun and Lois Lame, have been given a day off for the Thanksgiving holiday and they've already headed out of town to spend time with their families.

I'm afraid that on this particular night there wasn't much unusual to report.  Elmer, Jethro and Ima were sittin' at the bar on their usual barstools (#2, #3 and #4) in Sharp's Corner, each sippin' on a tall pilsner glass of beer and watchin' the small color TV hangin' up in the corner behind the bar.  I believe it was Elmer who ordered up a 'Herbie Burger' with extra onion.  (If you've never had a 'Herbie Burger', folks, treat yourself someday and order up a sack full of 'em to take home.  Mighty, mighty lip-smackin' good!)  Dennis, Rueben, Henrietta and Ellie Mae were down at the Eagle Hall throwin' washers and tellin' tall tales.  I had a diet Coke and talked with them for awhile but I could tell I was distractin' them from concentrating on their washer pitchin'.  So, I bid them farewell, and I strolled on down to 4th Street.  I may have been captured on that new webcam at the intersection of 4th and Market Streets which is monitoring the comings and goings of all of us Hermannites.  But I wasn't knee-walkin' drunk, so I ain't gonna worry too much about it.  Most of the folks in Wings-A-Blazin' seemed to be younger folks that I didn't even know.  They all seemed to be havin' a lively time eatin' hot chicken wings and drinkin' cold beer.  I sat at the bar and ordered one of their fried cheesecakes with a raspberry syrup topping.  Sinful!  Absolutely sinful!  (Stop by sometime and tell Robert I recommended it to you.)  Then I dropped in to see Jill at Jillsie's and we talked for a spell.  She was fixin' to close, so I left and went on down to visit with Wayne and Connie at The Bank.  Wayne suggested that I try Bonterra Winery's cabernet savignon which is produced with organically grown grapes out in California.  Well, I felt a bit guilty not orderin' one of our fine Hermann wines, but I went ahead and accepted Wayne's recommendation anyway.  That Bonterra win is fruity with a nice bouquet and a nice finish.  I savored it slowly as we discussed Mizzou and Nebraska football.  It was gettin' past Wayne and Connie's normal closing time, so I didn't get a chance to have a second glass of that Bonterra wine.  Wayne sure didn't steer me wrong though!  I'm definitely gonna have some more of that stuff!

And that's about all I found that was happenin' on Thanksgiving Eve in downtown Hermann.  If I missed anything of any importance, I'm very sorry folks!  But rumor has it that there are gonna be hundreds of webcams installed all over Hermann at the intersections, at the entrances to all the restaurants and taverns, and maybe even inside the restaurants and taverns.  If that actually happens, it will save me a heck of a lot of time and trouble reporting on Hermann nightlife!  I think it'll be a cool idea too!  Before headin' out on the town, we can all check the live webcams first to see if there are any barroom brawls goin' on that we might want to steer clear of and we can see if any of our friends are out on the town and just where they might be!  Yep, a real cool idea!

Well, it's already Thanksgiving Day.  So, on behalf of all the staff here at Hermann Hearsay and our pet cat, Tiger, let me wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

The Day Before Thanksgiving In Hermann

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

The day before Thanksgiving Day in Hermann ..... a time to begin slowing down for tomorrow's big Thanksgiving feast.  A time to shoot the breeze with old friends and reflect upon our many blessings.  A time to slow down and wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.  The President has pardoned a turkey named 'Courage'.  Another year has past.

An impromptu lunch with Mathew and Daniel down at Wings-A-Blazin'.  And then a short stroll east on 4th Street to pick up a pumpkin pie and a pecan pie from John at Time For Pie.  Tony and Gary happened to be there, so I grabbed a cup of coffee (the Daily Grind is my favorite).  Tony says that although he got his wild turkey a few weeks ago, he's gonna leave it in the freezer and deep fry a domestic bird instead.  Says they're fatter and taste better.  Gary is headed into St. Louis two nights in a row to attend concerts and then he'll be drivin' all the way over to Kansas City to attend another concert.  Sheesh!  I hope Gary has stock in Exxon-Mobil!

Whatever you're doin' on this day before Thanksgiving, I hope you are beginning to "gear down" and relax.  And I hope you have many things for which to be thankful this 2009 Thanksgiving weekend.  I hope you are in good health.  I hope you have friends to shoot the breeze with.  And I hope you will be able to spend some quality time with loved ones this Thanksgiving weekend. 

If you have your health, a few good friends and your loved ones nearby, you have everything.  So, if you have all these things, take stock of your blessings and be thankful!  Happy Thanksgiving, my friends!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Hermann Hearsay Accepts NO PAID ADVERTISING

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Hermann Hearsay today announced its editorial policy of accepting NO PAID ADVERTISING. Said Editor In Chief, Clark Kant, "We don't aspire to be a website of local advertising. Others have chosen that route, but we prefer to provide our readers local news without all the clutter of a home page filled with those banner ads." Kant went on to reference a competitor's new website format "It looks like a Christmas tree loaded up with glaring banner ads and a few links to local stories. Our readers are generally older people, many with arthritic hands. Navigating through that maze of advertising to find local news stories of interest can be quite painful for our older reader. Our stories are right here on the home page ...... convenient for the elderly as well as those who are computer challenged."

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Man On The Street Interview - Hermann, MO

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

After spending almost a week trying to get our live webcam back up and running, we have given up!  I have terminated our incompetent technical crew!  I had planned to install a small webcam at every street corner and at the entrance to every bar in Hermann.  I thought it might be a fun thing to do.  But the technical execution of our strategy has become prohibitively expensive!  We will leave this webcam thing to other better capitalized media outlets in Hermann.

Instead of installing live webcams all over Hermann, we will now focus our efforts where others are not currently focusing ....... man (and woman) on the street interviews.  Yep, I thought it might be cool to interview unsuspecting people out on the streets of Hermann.  You know, kinda blind side 'em and get 'em to say somethin' goofy ...... like that Jay Leno fella does on TV.

Our first man on the street interview occurred at about 8:30 am this morning.  I caught Alfred E. Newman exiting Time For Pie, one of Hermann's premier pie and coffee shops.  Time For Pie is located at the corner of 4th and Schiller Streets.  I highly recommend their pie and coffee drinks!

My interview of Mr. Newman went something like this:

Clark Kant:  "Good morning!  I'm Clark Kant from Hermann Hearsay.  I was wondering if I could talk with you for a few minutes.  Would that be OK?"

A. E. Newman:  "Well, I reckon that'd be OK.  You say you're with Hermann Hearsay?  Just what the heck is Hermann Hearsay?  Never heard of it!"

Clark Kant:  "Hermann Hearsay is an online source of cool information about Hermann.  We cover some areas that the major media in Hermann just don't bother to cover.  By the way, I forgot to ask you your name."

A. E. Newman:  "Mr. Kant, may I call you Clark?"

Clark Kant:  "Sure, by all means, call me Clark?  And what is your name, sir?"

A. E. Newman:  "I'm A. E. Newman from Bland.  You can just call me Alfred."

Clark Kant:  "Well Alfred, what are you doing all the way up here in Hermann this morning?"

A. E. Newman:  "Oh, I'm just passing through on my way up to Columbia.  I've got some business up there today.  In fact, I need to get on the road pretty darned soon.  I can only give you 5 minutes."

Clark Kant:  "Five minutes will be just fine, Alfred!  Tell me, what is your business, Alfred?"

A. E. Newman:  "Oh, I sell prime cut beef to a few of the top steak houses in Columbia."

Clark Kant:  "Cool!  But you just don't strike me as the typical salesman type, Alfred."

A. E. Newman:  "Oh, and just how is that, Clark?"

Clark Kant:  "Well, first of all, you just don't dress the part.  I mean look at your scuffed, unpolished shoes.  And look at your wrinkled slacks.  And look at your rumpled sports jacket.  And your sloppily tied necktie."

A. E. Newman:  "Lordy, Clark!  We just met, and you're already criticizin' the hell out of me!  Maybe we should just terminate this interview!"

Clark Kant:  "Oooops!  I didn't mean to offend you, Alfred.  By the way, I think you spilled some coffee on your dingy white shirt.  You may want to clean that off before you call on your first client."

A. E. Newman:  "You can just kiss my ass, Clark!  I'm out of here!  Good luck with your stupid 'Man On The Street' interviews!"

As you can see, my first 'Man On The Street' interview didn't go real well.  Maybe I can get Jimmy or Lois to do these things!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Javier Mendoza Band Plays The Showboat Theatre

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Last night I shelled out $15 for a ticket to see Javier Mendoza and his band at the Showboat Theatre in Hermann.  I was not sure I'd enjoy Mendoza's pop/rock/Spanish style of music.  My suspicions were confirmed about twenty minutes into the show.  Javier Mendoza is just not my cup o' tea.  As for me, I much prefer the music of Sonny Buttermiller and the Peace Valley Orchestra, the Berger Melodians, Ken Starke's Moonlight Serenaders and, of course, the once well-renown B. A. Wagner Orchestra.  I also thoroughly enjoy Ernest Tubb, the Texas Troubadour, Willie Nelson and Family, and Eric Clapton.

But I digress.  Back to Javier Mendoza.  It turns out that Mendoza's show was not well-attended as half of the seats in the small theatre went unsold.  Most attendees were either Mendoza groupies, Showboat Theatre board members/patrons, a scattering of Hermann residents, a few Hermann visitors, plus one energetic young photojournalist who created quite a distraction by popping up and down to get more action shots than should have been necessary.

About forty minutes into the show, I just couldn't stand it any longer, so I quietly left.  But the evening wasn't a total loss.  I strolled over to Wings-A-Blazin', my favorite sports bar and restaurant in Hermann.  Turns out the Texas-Kansas game and the Nebraska-Kansas State were being broadcast.  Perfect!  I ordered their Pasta Marinara with chicken and a big glass of diet Pepsi.  It doesn't get any better than that!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief