Mizzou Tigers Beat Kansas Jayhawks 41-39

Published by Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

It's a great day to be a Tiger! 

Clark got to see a thrilling nail-biter at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City today.  He called just a few minutes ago, and told me he'll be staying in K.C. overnight to party with the Mizzou alumni.  He also told me I'm doing a fine job with my articles in his absence.  He said I might even be getting a raise!

Yep, it's a great day to be a Tiger! 

The photo on the right is Denario Alexander, Missouri's all-time leading receiver.

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

Lex Luthor Resurfaces

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Reporter

You'll never believe who I ran into yesterday afternoon at Time For Pie!  It was my old nemesis, Lex Luthor.  Lex has mellowed out since the ol' days, and during the intervening years since we last knew each other, he has become quite philosophical.  We had a far-ranging conversation as we sipped our hot coffee.

Lex is conversant in just about any subject you might bring up ....... from national politics and international economic issues to fine wines and bluegrass music.  And whatever you do, don't get him started on conspiracy theories!  That's where he lights up and talks your ears off as he goes off the deep end with his theories about international banking, one world government control and modern medicine!

Somehow we got to talking about wine.  Well, Hermann's a wine town, so why not?!  Lex and I don't agree on much, but we both agreed that red wines are our personal favorites.  While I favor  cabernet, merlot, shiraz and norton, he is a die-hard chianti wine connoisseur.  Turns out Lex had a few bottles of the stuff in his car.  And as we left the coffee shop, Lex was kind enough to give me one of his prized bottles of chianti.

It was very kind of Lex to part with a bottle of his favorite wine.  His kindness will be not be forgotten.  And it will be repaid!

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

That Quilty Day-After-Thanksgiving Feeling

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Reporter

Clark has taken a well-deserved three-day weekend.  He's headed over to Kansas City and will be going to the MU-KU Border War Game at Arrowhead Stadium on Saturday afternoon.  Lois Lame and I have been put in charge till Clark returns. 

Ol' Clark's a big Mizzou fan.  He graduated from the University of Missouri way back long ago when I was but a gleam in my Daddy's eye.  Clark won't let me publish the exact year he graduated because then you could figure out just how old he is.  Suffice it to say that Clark is pretty darned old!

I hope all of our readers enjoyed their Thanksgiving.  As for me, I ate way more than I should have, and today I'm feeling guilty about over-indulging.  After enjoying a large plate full of turkey, dressing and all the obligatory fixin's, I pigged out on the pie.  I had apple pie, pecan pie and pumpkin pie, and I'm not going to disclose just how many total slices!  I don't know what came over me!  I just kept eating and eating!

As I say, I'm feelin' a bit guilty today.  Perhaps you are feelin' guilty as well.  This is the day I traditionally reflect upon the need to go on a diet, to exercise more, to lose some weight and get back down to my old college weight.  Oh, how many years have I done precisely this same thing on the Day After Thanksgiving!  And so, I am today commiting to a three-mile daily walk.  I've been walking two miles per day during 2009.  Maybe I'll join a gym as well.  (Well, I've said that many times before, but I never have.)

So, how 'bout you?  Are you feelin' guilty today?  Have you made any resolutions to lose weight and get back into shape?

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

Happy Thanksgiving To Hermann Hearsay Readers!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Being the Editor In Chief of a premiere Hermann news outlet like Hermann Hearsay is a very tough job!  Why here it is way after midnight, and I'm still up publishing an article for Thanksgiving Day!  But this is the line of work I have chosen!  ***Sigh***

In this business, you've got to be ever-vigilant in order to get the news story precisely when it is first breaking.  For example, in an effort to check out the downtown entertainment scene in Hermann on Thanksgiving Eve, I explored a number of the watering holes and restaurants downtown.  This is a task that only the Editor In Chief can do.  My staff reporters, Jimmy Oldsun and Lois Lame, have been given a day off for the Thanksgiving holiday and they've already headed out of town to spend time with their families.

I'm afraid that on this particular night there wasn't much unusual to report.  Elmer, Jethro and Ima were sittin' at the bar on their usual barstools (#2, #3 and #4) in Sharp's Corner, each sippin' on a tall pilsner glass of beer and watchin' the small color TV hangin' up in the corner behind the bar.  I believe it was Elmer who ordered up a 'Herbie Burger' with extra onion.  (If you've never had a 'Herbie Burger', folks, treat yourself someday and order up a sack full of 'em to take home.  Mighty, mighty lip-smackin' good!)  Dennis, Rueben, Henrietta and Ellie Mae were down at the Eagle Hall throwin' washers and tellin' tall tales.  I had a diet Coke and talked with them for awhile but I could tell I was distractin' them from concentrating on their washer pitchin'.  So, I bid them farewell, and I strolled on down to 4th Street.  I may have been captured on that new webcam at the intersection of 4th and Market Streets which is monitoring the comings and goings of all of us Hermannites.  But I wasn't knee-walkin' drunk, so I ain't gonna worry too much about it.  Most of the folks in Wings-A-Blazin' seemed to be younger folks that I didn't even know.  They all seemed to be havin' a lively time eatin' hot chicken wings and drinkin' cold beer.  I sat at the bar and ordered one of their fried cheesecakes with a raspberry syrup topping.  Sinful!  Absolutely sinful!  (Stop by sometime and tell Robert I recommended it to you.)  Then I dropped in to see Jill at Jillsie's and we talked for a spell.  She was fixin' to close, so I left and went on down to visit with Wayne and Connie at The Bank.  Wayne suggested that I try Bonterra Winery's cabernet savignon which is produced with organically grown grapes out in California.  Well, I felt a bit guilty not orderin' one of our fine Hermann wines, but I went ahead and accepted Wayne's recommendation anyway.  That Bonterra win is fruity with a nice bouquet and a nice finish.  I savored it slowly as we discussed Mizzou and Nebraska football.  It was gettin' past Wayne and Connie's normal closing time, so I didn't get a chance to have a second glass of that Bonterra wine.  Wayne sure didn't steer me wrong though!  I'm definitely gonna have some more of that stuff!

And that's about all I found that was happenin' on Thanksgiving Eve in downtown Hermann.  If I missed anything of any importance, I'm very sorry folks!  But rumor has it that there are gonna be hundreds of webcams installed all over Hermann at the intersections, at the entrances to all the restaurants and taverns, and maybe even inside the restaurants and taverns.  If that actually happens, it will save me a heck of a lot of time and trouble reporting on Hermann nightlife!  I think it'll be a cool idea too!  Before headin' out on the town, we can all check the live webcams first to see if there are any barroom brawls goin' on that we might want to steer clear of and we can see if any of our friends are out on the town and just where they might be!  Yep, a real cool idea!

Well, it's already Thanksgiving Day.  So, on behalf of all the staff here at Hermann Hearsay and our pet cat, Tiger, let me wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

The Day Before Thanksgiving In Hermann

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

The day before Thanksgiving Day in Hermann ..... a time to begin slowing down for tomorrow's big Thanksgiving feast.  A time to shoot the breeze with old friends and reflect upon our many blessings.  A time to slow down and wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.  The President has pardoned a turkey named 'Courage'.  Another year has past.

An impromptu lunch with Mathew and Daniel down at Wings-A-Blazin'.  And then a short stroll east on 4th Street to pick up a pumpkin pie and a pecan pie from John at Time For Pie.  Tony and Gary happened to be there, so I grabbed a cup of coffee (the Daily Grind is my favorite).  Tony says that although he got his wild turkey a few weeks ago, he's gonna leave it in the freezer and deep fry a domestic bird instead.  Says they're fatter and taste better.  Gary is headed into St. Louis two nights in a row to attend concerts and then he'll be drivin' all the way over to Kansas City to attend another concert.  Sheesh!  I hope Gary has stock in Exxon-Mobil!

Whatever you're doin' on this day before Thanksgiving, I hope you are beginning to "gear down" and relax.  And I hope you have many things for which to be thankful this 2009 Thanksgiving weekend.  I hope you are in good health.  I hope you have friends to shoot the breeze with.  And I hope you will be able to spend some quality time with loved ones this Thanksgiving weekend. 

If you have your health, a few good friends and your loved ones nearby, you have everything.  So, if you have all these things, take stock of your blessings and be thankful!  Happy Thanksgiving, my friends!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Hermann Hearsay Accepts NO PAID ADVERTISING

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Hermann Hearsay today announced its editorial policy of accepting NO PAID ADVERTISING. Said Editor In Chief, Clark Kant, "We don't aspire to be a website of local advertising. Others have chosen that route, but we prefer to provide our readers local news without all the clutter of a home page filled with those banner ads." Kant went on to reference a competitor's new website format "It looks like a Christmas tree loaded up with glaring banner ads and a few links to local stories. Our readers are generally older people, many with arthritic hands. Navigating through that maze of advertising to find local news stories of interest can be quite painful for our older reader. Our stories are right here on the home page ...... convenient for the elderly as well as those who are computer challenged."

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Man On The Street Interview - Hermann, MO

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

After spending almost a week trying to get our live webcam back up and running, we have given up!  I have terminated our incompetent technical crew!  I had planned to install a small webcam at every street corner and at the entrance to every bar in Hermann.  I thought it might be a fun thing to do.  But the technical execution of our strategy has become prohibitively expensive!  We will leave this webcam thing to other better capitalized media outlets in Hermann.

Instead of installing live webcams all over Hermann, we will now focus our efforts where others are not currently focusing ....... man (and woman) on the street interviews.  Yep, I thought it might be cool to interview unsuspecting people out on the streets of Hermann.  You know, kinda blind side 'em and get 'em to say somethin' goofy ...... like that Jay Leno fella does on TV.

Our first man on the street interview occurred at about 8:30 am this morning.  I caught Alfred E. Newman exiting Time For Pie, one of Hermann's premier pie and coffee shops.  Time For Pie is located at the corner of 4th and Schiller Streets.  I highly recommend their pie and coffee drinks!

My interview of Mr. Newman went something like this:

Clark Kant:  "Good morning!  I'm Clark Kant from Hermann Hearsay.  I was wondering if I could talk with you for a few minutes.  Would that be OK?"

A. E. Newman:  "Well, I reckon that'd be OK.  You say you're with Hermann Hearsay?  Just what the heck is Hermann Hearsay?  Never heard of it!"

Clark Kant:  "Hermann Hearsay is an online source of cool information about Hermann.  We cover some areas that the major media in Hermann just don't bother to cover.  By the way, I forgot to ask you your name."

A. E. Newman:  "Mr. Kant, may I call you Clark?"

Clark Kant:  "Sure, by all means, call me Clark?  And what is your name, sir?"

A. E. Newman:  "I'm A. E. Newman from Bland.  You can just call me Alfred."

Clark Kant:  "Well Alfred, what are you doing all the way up here in Hermann this morning?"

A. E. Newman:  "Oh, I'm just passing through on my way up to Columbia.  I've got some business up there today.  In fact, I need to get on the road pretty darned soon.  I can only give you 5 minutes."

Clark Kant:  "Five minutes will be just fine, Alfred!  Tell me, what is your business, Alfred?"

A. E. Newman:  "Oh, I sell prime cut beef to a few of the top steak houses in Columbia."

Clark Kant:  "Cool!  But you just don't strike me as the typical salesman type, Alfred."

A. E. Newman:  "Oh, and just how is that, Clark?"

Clark Kant:  "Well, first of all, you just don't dress the part.  I mean look at your scuffed, unpolished shoes.  And look at your wrinkled slacks.  And look at your rumpled sports jacket.  And your sloppily tied necktie."

A. E. Newman:  "Lordy, Clark!  We just met, and you're already criticizin' the hell out of me!  Maybe we should just terminate this interview!"

Clark Kant:  "Oooops!  I didn't mean to offend you, Alfred.  By the way, I think you spilled some coffee on your dingy white shirt.  You may want to clean that off before you call on your first client."

A. E. Newman:  "You can just kiss my ass, Clark!  I'm out of here!  Good luck with your stupid 'Man On The Street' interviews!"

As you can see, my first 'Man On The Street' interview didn't go real well.  Maybe I can get Jimmy or Lois to do these things!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Javier Mendoza Band Plays The Showboat Theatre

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Last night I shelled out $15 for a ticket to see Javier Mendoza and his band at the Showboat Theatre in Hermann.  I was not sure I'd enjoy Mendoza's pop/rock/Spanish style of music.  My suspicions were confirmed about twenty minutes into the show.  Javier Mendoza is just not my cup o' tea.  As for me, I much prefer the music of Sonny Buttermiller and the Peace Valley Orchestra, the Berger Melodians, Ken Starke's Moonlight Serenaders and, of course, the once well-renown B. A. Wagner Orchestra.  I also thoroughly enjoy Ernest Tubb, the Texas Troubadour, Willie Nelson and Family, and Eric Clapton.

But I digress.  Back to Javier Mendoza.  It turns out that Mendoza's show was not well-attended as half of the seats in the small theatre went unsold.  Most attendees were either Mendoza groupies, Showboat Theatre board members/patrons, a scattering of Hermann residents, a few Hermann visitors, plus one energetic young photojournalist who created quite a distraction by popping up and down to get more action shots than should have been necessary.

About forty minutes into the show, I just couldn't stand it any longer, so I quietly left.  But the evening wasn't a total loss.  I strolled over to Wings-A-Blazin', my favorite sports bar and restaurant in Hermann.  Turns out the Texas-Kansas game and the Nebraska-Kansas State were being broadcast.  Perfect!  I ordered their Pasta Marinara with chicken and a big glass of diet Pepsi.  It doesn't get any better than that!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Bicycle Collision On Katy Trail

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Reporter

BREAKING NEWS!

J.D. Clampett reports that there was a head-on bicycle collision on the Katy Trail about 0.5 mile east of Rhineland this morning.  No injuries resulted, but both bicycles were seriously damaged.  Neither party carried collision or liability coverage on their expensive European built racing bikes.  A lawsuit has been threatened by both parties.

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

Lost and Found Department

Posted by Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Reporter

FOUND:  Very intelligent computer literate cat near the intersection of 4th and Schiller Streets.  Please claim by contacting 'Hermann Hearsay' at 1-800-HEARSAY.  Ask to speak to Jimmy Oldsun or Lois Lame.

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter

Don't Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

I had lunch downtown with Elmer, Herb and Clyde today.  The conversation was very lively and interesting!

Elmer started off by asking "Say boys, did ya hear what happened up at the county commission meeting this mornin'?"

Herb:  "Why no, Elmer!  What happened?"

Elmer:  "Well, it seems that Commissioner Penning asked for go-ahead approval from those other two commissioner fellars to do some renovation work in the second floor courtroom.  Seems that ol' Matt is tryin' to respond to some much needed work that the judges have been requesting for awhile now."

Clyde:  "Is that so, Elmer?  Go ahead.  Please do continue."

Elmer:  "Well, ol' Matt, God bless his soul, he had taken on the project of meetin' with some very qualified contractors here in the county to plan out the work and get their expert advice.  Many of the contractors and suppliers ol' Matt has talked to even offered to throw in their labor free and some of the needed materials to get the job done at a very, very low cost to the county.  Seems the judges have some extra money left over in a law library fund or some such thing like that which they are willing to use to pay for the work."

Herb:  "Hey, now we're talkin', Elmer!  It's good to see someone finally takin' the bull by the horns to get somethin' done on our county courthouse!  Commissioners Jost and Lairmore have always been sayin' that we don't have a plan, and we don't have any money for courthouse renovation.  Now, it looks like ol' Matt has come up with both a plan and some money ...... at least for one courtroom."

Clark (me):  "Yeh, that does sound good, Elmer!  And so how was ol' Matt's proposal received by Commissioners Jost and Lairmore?"

Elmer:  "Not so good, Clark!  Not so good!"

Clark (me):  "Really!  So what problems did they see with ol' Matt's proposed plan?"

Elmer:  "Well, I hear they had a real doozy of an intellectual exchange!  Seems those other two commissioner boys don't like the idea of usin' volunteer labor nor do they apparently like the idea of acceptin' donated building materials.  On top of all that, they have also raised questions about liability insurance and questions about ol' Matt's ability to manage the project usin' those volunteers."

Clyde:  "Oh yeah, Elmer, I believe I read somethin' about this on that other news blog.  What do they call it?  Hermann somethin' or other?"

Elmer:  "So the upshod of all this is that the courtroom renovation which ol' Matt was ready to get started on has now been put on indefinite hold.  Yep, ol' Jost and Lairmore have more questions and concerns than Carter has little liver pills!  And I understand that there is a growin' number of people in the county who are gettin' plenty pissed with their continuing foot draggin' and outright obstruction of courthouse renovation work!"

Herb:  "So Elmer, what does the GCCS have to say about this?  Have President Jon Held and Treasurer Glenn Warnebold weighed in on this?  Do they even know about this yet?

Elmer:  "I don't think they know about this yet ....... but they soon will!"

Clark (me):  "Boys, this reminds me of something my old high school Latin teacher used to say ..... Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!"

Elmer:  "Yep, it sure does look like Commissioners Jost and Lairmore are looking a gift horse in the mouth.  Ol' Matt made 'em a great offer, made possible through the generosity of some very skilled craftsmen and established contractors in our local area.  But Commissioners Jost and Lairmore evidently want to look into the mouth of that horse which has been gifted to them, I guess to see if the horse has any bad teeth or no teeth at all.  Not smart, Clark!  Not very smart at all!"

Herb:  "Guess we just need to sit back and see what happens next!"

Temporary Live Webcam At 4th & Schiller Streets

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

A dark rainy November night at 4th & Schiller Streets in Hermann!  Sorry, our webcam broke at 7:30 pm tonight, so we have substituted a still image of a rainy intersection in New York City!  Our crews will work through the night until the live webcam image is restored!

Gasconade County Financial Condition

Posted by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Conversation down at the coffee shop was very lively this morning.  When I arrived, my old coffee-drinkin' buddies, Elmer and Herb, were already there.  The conversation centered on the financial condition of Gasconade County.  Elmer had heard that the county is in very serious financial trouble, but Herb said it wasn't really so.  They asked me my opinion, and I said that I didn't really know for sure.  I told 'em that I was waitin' to read a full report in the County Commission Meeting Minutes that the Hermann A-C always carries.  I told 'em that I was sure the County Commissioners would be managing the county's budget very closely.  Afterall, I told them, the concern about the county's finances had been raised way back in July.  The County Clerk had urged the Commissioners to address the problem back then.  Surely, I told Elmer and Herb, our county officials have been cutting out unnecessary expenses all along and allocating county money according to the highest county priorities.

About that time our waitress, Sarah, approached the table to refill our coffee cups.  "Well good morning, Sarah!"  I said.  "Have you heard anything about the county's financial condition?"

"Well, I've just overheard people talkin' about it here in the coffee shop."  Sarah responded.  "Seems we don't have money to properly clean and maintain the courthouse, nor to pay the utility bills, nor to even pay the bills for housing prisoners up at the Montgomery County Jail." 

"Is that so?!" I exclaimed.  "So what's the County Commission gonna do about all this?"

Sarah said she didn't know.

I guess we'll just have to wait and read all about it in the County Commission Meeting Minutes.  Or maybe we could attend the weekly meetings of the County Commission.  I understand the meetings are held every Thursday morning at 8:30 am.

If anyone has information on this subject, please drop us a line here at Hermann Hearsay.

Wooly Worm Forecasts Harsh Winter Ahead?

Posted by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

This morning while out for walk in the neighborhood, I came across a cute lil' wooly worm making his way slowly across the street. I noted that this particular wooly worm was very dark in color ..... nearly black.

Now I've always heard that dark wooly worms are a good predictor of a deep and harsh winter ahead. At least that's what my grandparents and parents always told me.

I wanted to confirm this with my good buddies, Elmer and Herb, down at the coffee shop. But I got a mixed interpretation from them.

Elmer said that indeed black wooly worms forecast a bitter winter ahead. But Herb said that the wooly worm fable is just a bunch of malarky.

So I thought I'd open up the question to 'Hermann Hearsay' readers. What do you think? Should I buy some new red flannel long underwear and a snow shovel .... OR should I just stop worrying about what might lay immediately ahead?