Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Elmer Fudd's Wabbit Stew - First Free Hermann Hearsay Advertisement

Published by Lois Lame, Advertising Department

After concluding the "Man On The Street" interview with Elmer J. Fudd this afternoon, Elmer authorized me to place the following advertisement on his behalf:


Elmer J. Fudd's Wabbit Stew


The best wabbit stew in Gasconade County!  Made daily with fwesh wabbit meat, potatoes, cawwots, navy beans, tomato juice, bay leaves, red onions, Watkins onion and garlic pepper and Watkins pure gwanulated black pepper.


32 ounces ............................................................................................... $4.95
64 ounces ............................................................................................... $8.95
Larger quantities .......................................................... Contwact w/ Elmer


Call Elmer at 1-800-4WABBIT or leave order with Lois Lame at Hermann Hearsay.

Man On The Street Interview #2


Published by Lois Lame, Lifestyle Reporter

As cold as it is, I took to the streets this afternoon to conduct our second "Man On The Street" interview.  Today we caught up with Elmer Fudd (Hermann) at the corner of 5th & Market as he exited the Sharp Corner Tavern.  The topic for this "Man On The Street" interview was the sudden explosion in the number of news media outlets here in Hermann and the impact of this on local residents.

Lois:  Hello, my name is Lois Lame and I'm the Lifestyle Reporter for Hermann Hearsay.  I was hoping I could get your comment on something that is going on here in Hermann.  May I ask you a few questions?

Elmer:  Why certainly!  You'll have to be quick about it though!  Too cold to be standin' awound out here vewy long!

Lois:  Great!  First of all, what is your name, where do you live and what do you do for a living?

Elmer:  My name is Elmer Fudd.  I live in Hermann.  And I hunt wascally wabbits for a living.

Lois:  I see!  A big game hunter, eh Elmer?

Elmer:  That's wight!  I'm a wabbit hunter!

Lois:  My question is this, Elmer ..... Recently we've had an explosion in the number of local news media outlets here in Hermann.  For a long time, we've had only one local newspaper, The Hermann Advertiser-Courier.  Now we have The Hermann A-C, Hermann News (formerly Hermann Muenster), Gasconade County Soapbox, County News LIVE and Hermann Hearsay.  How has this explosion in "news" coverage affected you, Elmer?

Elmer:  Well Lois, I guess it's like this ..... It seems like somebody is always shovin' a micwophone in my face and askin' me my opinion about somethin'.  And somebody is always snappin' photos of me.  And that gets mighty aggwavatin' ..... especially when I'm dwawin' down on a wascally wabbit!  That Alex Luft fellow has caused me to miss a whole bunch of wabbits!

Lois:  Ha ha ha!  That's funny, Elmer!  I hope I'm not bothering you too much by sticking this microphone in your face!

Elmer:  Don't mind you doin' it Ms. Lame.  Your kinda cute and weal nice to talk with!

Lois:  Do you think our local "news" media outlets can do a better job of reporting on subjects of a local interest?

Elmer:  Well Ms. Lame, I sure would like to see more weporting about wabbits!  Maybe you folks could consider a "Wabbit Weport".  It sure would help me out!  If you could just weport on where you're seein' wabbits wunnin' acwoss woads or playin' in back yawds.  Then I could sneak up on 'em and blow 'em to smitheweens!

Lois:  Good idea, Elmer!  I'll bet all the rabbit hunters in the county would like us to provide a Rabbit Report service!

Elmer:  Can I go now, Ms. Lame?  I'm gettin' cold, and I've got some wabbits I've got to skin!

Lois:  Cetainly, Elmer!  Certainly!  Thanks for letting me interview you!

Elmer:  Bye!  I'm gonna make you a coat out of wabbit fur, Ms.  Lame.  You're weally nice!

Lois:  Thank you, Elmer!  Mighty nice of you to say so!

Reader and Advertiser Stats

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief




Reader Stats (thru 12/31/2009)

Total # of regular readers ..........9 (estimated)  Alfred, Elmer, Clyde, Ima, Homer, Fritz, Roho,  Gabby & Gertrude
Total # of free subscriptions ......9 (estimated)  Ditto above

Advertiser Stats (thru 12/31/2009)

Total # of free advertisers ........ 0 (several firm commitments for 2010)

Seems like the trend in the online "news" industry is to fully disclose readership and advertiser statistics.  In keeping with this trend, Hermann Hearsay will begin publishing its statistics on a monthly frequency.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Colder Than A Well-Digger's Ass In Alaska!


Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Reporter

Brrrrrrrrrr!  It's a cold one tonight!  About 7 degrees on the Fahrenheit scale at 3:25 am accordin' to my uncalibrated outside thermometer.  I don't know what the windchill is.  If ya wanna know that, you'll have to go to one of those fancier daily news websites in Hermann or you can just go to:  http://www.weatherchannel.com/.

Clark has assigned me to the night desk.  He says our competition is coverin' Hermann news on a 24/7 basis.  Says that if they're gonna cover Hermann around the clock, then we are too!  That Clark is a real task master!

Well, I haven't heard of any worthwhile news to report to you so far tonight.  I saw the cop car go by a few times on their normal patrol.  And I saw a grey cat cross market street at about 2:56 am this morning!  It might have been one of those stray cats that Hermann Alderman John Penning has been complainin' about.  Nope, I didn't get an exclusive interview with the cat.  He ran off before I could get my pocket recorder out of my coat.  Maybe Jeff Noedel got an interview with him though.  I understand Jeff is manning the night shift over at Jeff Noedel's CountyNewsLIVE.com.

This night shift reporting is for the damned birds ...... for the penquins to be exact!

Signing off until tomorrow night,

Jimmy Oldsun
Staff Reporter