Recognizing that a certain dispossessed former co-owner of Hermann News (formerly known as Hermann Muenster) is in a desperate search for a daily online news website, Truman T. Tiger, owner and founder of Hermann Hearsay, today announced that he would be willing to sell ....... for the right price and other required terms of sale.
According to Mr. Tiger .... "I might as well sell out now. Rumor has it there will soon be a third daily online news website in Hermann. This little one-horse town just ain't big enough to support three daily online news sites in addition to a real newspaper like the Hermann A-C. Yep, I'm gettin' out of the news business while the gettin's good!"
Mr. Tiger has authorized me to publish his asking price and terms of sale in today's edition of Hermann Hearsay.
- Asking Price - $100,000 cash (small bills $50 denomination or lower)
- Absolutely No Owner Financing - Hermann Hearsay is not a freakin' bank for cryin' out loud!
- Continued Employment of Current Staff - Clark Kant, Editor In Chief (salary $15,000 plus free coffee); Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Writer and Assistant Editor (salary $12,000 plus free Mizzou season football tickets); Lois Lame, Staff Writer (salary $8,000 plus paid bar bill at the Sharp Corner Tavern)
- Editorial Policy Continued - While operating under the Hermann Hearsay banner, the new owners must agree that they will not blatantly take sides in local political disputes and thereby stir the pot of public controversy by publishing irresponsible one-sided reports.
Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
