Tuesday, June 1, 2010

"Mission Accomplished", Frank Furter Leaving Hermann Hearsay

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, NDRIRSRWRAFTC & Editor

Frank Furter, Hermann Hearsay's custodian, coffee brewer and IT man, will be leaving our employ effective June 11.

Frank has done a great job for us, and he will be sorely missed.  Frank is the #1-rated news room custodian, coffee brewer and IT man in Gasconade County.  We will miss his friendly and insightful help with our laptop questions, and we will certainly miss Frank's special New Orleans' chicory-flavored coffee!  Frank has found a better paying job at the Best Buy store in Columbia.  We always knew that Frank would be with us for only a short period of time until he found a better job.  Congrats and best wishes to ya Frankie old boy!

When we recruited Frank about a year ago, we promised him a big salary, great benefits and paid membership in the Loutre Shore Country Club.  Unfortunately we were not able to make good on any of our promises.  We don't blame Frank one damned bit for leaving us!

We will be knocking off at 3 p.m. next Friday to host a farewell party for Frank.  We will be gathering at the Bank Bar on Schiller Street.  If you wanna bring Frank a farewell gift, bring cigars.  Frank generally smokes Swisher Sweets.  He really likes Cohibas, Macanudos and Arturo Fuentes.  It's just that he can't afford 'em on the meager salary we pay him.

Until we can find a suitable replacement for Frank, I will brew the coffee and Lois will sweep up and dust around here.  For the time being if we have any laptop questions, we will call HP's 1-800 number and talk to some barely intelligible computer tech from India.  Someday when we are "in the black", we will conduct a nationwide search for Frank's replacement.  Who knows, we might hire one of those hi-tech computer geeks from India!  I only hope he/she won't mind sweepin' the floors and makin' coffee!

Performance Metrics:
Total # FREE Subscribers: 000331
Total # Premium Subscribers: 000022
Subscribers Currently Online: 000081
New Visitors Currently Online: 000060
Alexa U.S. Traffic Ranking: 310,036
Total # Subscriber Telethons & Bake Sales: 0

Reciprocal Websites:
http://www.dschaefer.vemma.com/ (Premium Nutritional Drinks)
http://www.ngnn.com/ (Hermann NEWS & New Haven NEWS ONLINE)
http://www.vemmadrinker.blogspot.com/ (Premium Nutritional Drinks)

Non-Reciprocal Websites:
http://www.dorasspinningwheel.com/ (Embroidered Caps, Shirts, Etc.)
http://www.timeforpie.com/ (Pie, Rolls, Scones, Coffee, Lattes & More)

Hermann Hearsay Expands Subscription Options

Published by Lois Lame, Subscriber Services, Lifestyles Reporting, and Cool YouTube Music Videos

Hermann Hearsay has just added third and fourth subscription options.  No other local online news website currently offers as many subscription options to their readers!  We are leading the way with innovative options for our valued subscribers!

The subscription options now offered are:
  1. FREE Subscription - No annual cost.  Simple streamlined sign-up process.  Just leave us a comment and you are immediately enrolled as a subcriber.  You will be able to read 99% of our articles.  Unlike one of our competitors, we hide very, very few articles from our FREE subscribers!  A good way to start out reading Hermann Hearsay if you are on a limited budget!
  2. PREMIUM Subscription - $24.95 annual subscription fee.  For this amount, you will receive one of our highly-prized 100% cotton golf caps with Hermann Hearsay logo.  You'll be the envy of everyone in your foursome.  Hermann Hearsay mascot 'Herkimer' adorns our premium quality golf caps which are supplied by Dora's Spinning Wheel in Hermann, MO.  You will be able to read 100% of the articles we publish, even the hidden ones!  In addition, we will contact you quarterly to get your input on the quality and content of Hermann Hearsay.  You will have a voice in our business!
  3. ULTRA PREMIUM Subscription - $39.95 annual subscription fee.  For this amount, you will receive one of our highly-prized 100% cotton golf shirts with Hermann Hearsay logo.  We just received our first embroidered shirt last Friday from Dora's Spinning Wheel.  We are already receiving many compliments from people around Hermann!  With this subcription level, you will be invited to a quarterly meeting with Hermann Hearsay staff.  And we'll even supply the coffee and soft drinks!  Access to 100% of our articles is assured!  Want to work with one of our reporters on a story of your own?  At this subscription level, you will be able to try your own hand at news reporting!
  4. PLATINUM Subscription - $199.95 LIFETIME subscription fee.  Pay us one time and never pay us again!  Not even if you live to be 110 years old!  You will receive one of our premium quality 100% cotton golf caps with Hermann Hearsay logo, one of our premium quality 100% cotton golf shirts with Hermann Hearsay logo, a lifetime subscription and all other benefits received by FREE, ULTRA and ULTRA PREMIUM subscribers!  In addition to all of this, you will be entitled to have your photo taken with 'Herkimer', our mascot!  This is our best-value subscription!  We urged all readers who can possibly afford it to opt for this subscription package.  You won't regret it!
Performance Metrics:
Total # FREE Subscribers: 000329
Total # Premium Subscribers: 000022
Subscribers Currently Online: 000083
New Visitors Currently Online: 000061
Alexa U.S. Traffic Ranking: 310,036
Total # Subscriber Telethons & Bake Sales: 0

Reciprocal Websites:
http://www.dschaefer.vemma.com/ (Premium Nutritional Drinks)
http://www.ngnn.com/ (Hermann NEWS & New Haven NEWS ONLINE)
http://www.vemmadrinker.blogspot.com/ (Premium Nutritional Drinks)

Non-Reciprocal Websites:
http://www.dorasspinningwheel.com/ (Embroidered Caps, Shirts, Etc.)
http://www.timeforpie.com/ (Pie, Rolls, Scones, Coffee, Lattes & More)

Photo Of The Day - Tuesday, 6/1/2010

Published by Lois Lame, Subscriber Services, Lifestyles Reporting, and Cool YouTube Music Videos




Elmer Fudd's prize turkey, 'Agatha'

Performance Metrics:

Total # FREE Subscribers: 000329
Total # Premium Subscribers: 000022
Subscribers Currently Online: 000083

New Visitors Currently Online: 000061
Alexa U.S. Traffic Ranking: 310,036
Total # Subscriber Telethons & Bake Sales: 0

Reciprocal Websites:
http://www.bergerbaloneywithmayoblogspot.com/ (Berger News)
http://www.dschaefer.vemma.com/ (Premium Nutritional Drinks)
http://www.heart2heartlyrics.blogspot.com/ (Song Lyrics)
http://www.hermannhookups.blogspot.com/ (Social Networking)
http://www.mid-missouri-mule-rides.blogspot.com/ (Family Fun)
http://www.ngnn.com/ (Hermann NEWS & New Haven NEWS ONLINE)
http://www.rivertownrecipes.blogspot.com/ (Food & Drink Recipes)
http://www.vemmadrinker.blogspot.com/ (Premium Nutritional Drinks)
http://www.watkinsonline.com/richardhschaefer (Watkins Products)

Non-Reciprocal Websites:
http://www.dorasspinningwheel.com/ (Embroidered Caps, Shirts, Etc.)
http://www.hermannadvertisercourier.com/ (The Hermann A-C)
http://www.hermannchamberofcommerce.com/ (Hermann C of C)
http://www.timeforpie.com/ (Pie, Rolls, Scones, Coffee, Lattes & More)



Laugh Of The Day - Tuesday, 6/1/2010

Published by Lois Lame, Subscriber Services, Lifestyles Reporting, and Cool YouTube Music Videos

Don Rickles, guest on 'The Late Show' with David Letterman .....

[to David Letterman] "Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?"

Performance Metrics:
Total # FREE Subscribers: 000330
Total # Premium Subscribers: 000022
Subscribers Currently Online: 000093
New Visitors Currently Online: 000081
Alexa U.S. Traffic Ranking: 310,036
Total # Subscriber Telethons & Bake Sales: 0

Reciprocal Websites:
http://www.dschaefer.vemma.com/ (Premium Nutritional Drinks)
http://www.ngnn.com/ (Hermann NEWS & New Haven NEWS ONLINE)
http://www.vemmadrinker.blogspot.com/ (Premium Nutritional Drinks)
http://www.watkinsonline.com/richardhschaefer (Watkins Products)

Non-Reciprocal Websites:
http://www.dorasspinningwheel.com/ (Embroidered Caps, Shirts, Etc.)
http://www.timeforpie.com/ (Pie, Rolls, Scones, Coffee, Lattes & More)



Quote Of The Day - Tuesday, 6/1/2010

Published by Lois Lame, Subscriber Services, Lifestyles Reporting, and Cool YouTube Music Videos

On the subject of free speech .....

"A people which is able to say everything becomes able to do everything."  ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

Performance Metrics:
Total # FREE Subscribers: 000329
Total # Premium Subscribers: 000022
Subscribers Currently Online: 000093
New Visitors Currently Online: 000081
Alexa U.S. Traffic Ranking: 310,036
Total # Subscriber Telethons & Bake Sales: 0

Reciprocal Websites:
http://www.dschaefer.vemma.com/ (Premium Nutritional Drinks)
http://www.ngnn.com/ (Hermann NEWS & New Haven NEWS ONLINE)
http://www.vemmadrinker.blogspot.com/ (Premium Nutritional Drinks)

Non-Reciprocal Websites:
http://www.dorasspinningwheel.com/ (Embroidered Caps, Shirts, Etc.)
http://www.timeforpie.com/ (Pie, Rolls, Scones, Coffee, Lattes & More)