Frank Furter, Hermann Hearsay's custodian, coffee brewer and IT man, will be leaving our employ effective June 11.
Frank has done a great job for us, and he will be sorely missed. Frank is the #1-rated news room custodian, coffee brewer and IT man in Gasconade County. We will miss his friendly and insightful help with our laptop questions, and we will certainly miss Frank's special New Orleans' chicory-flavored coffee! Frank has found a better paying job at the Best Buy store in Columbia. We always knew that Frank would be with us for only a short period of time until he found a better job. Congrats and best wishes to ya Frankie old boy!
When we recruited Frank about a year ago, we promised him a big salary, great benefits and paid membership in the Loutre Shore Country Club. Unfortunately we were not able to make good on any of our promises. We don't blame Frank one damned bit for leaving us!
We will be knocking off at 3 p.m. next Friday to host a farewell party for Frank. We will be gathering at the Bank Bar on Schiller Street. If you wanna bring Frank a farewell gift, bring cigars. Frank generally smokes Swisher Sweets. He really likes Cohibas, Macanudos and Arturo Fuentes. It's just that he can't afford 'em on the meager salary we pay him.
Until we can find a suitable replacement for Frank, I will brew the coffee and Lois will sweep up and dust around here. For the time being if we have any laptop questions, we will call HP's 1-800 number and talk to some barely intelligible computer tech from India. Someday when we are "in the black", we will conduct a nationwide search for Frank's replacement. Who knows, we might hire one of those hi-tech computer geeks from India! I only hope he/she won't mind sweepin' the floors and makin' coffee!
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