Hermann Advertiser-Courier Delivers The Local News Reliably

An Editorial Comment, straight from the horse's mouth ....
Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

On a slow news day over at CountyNewsLIVE.com, the people of Hermann could at least depend upon The Hermann Advertiser-Courier for their local news.  Just like clockwork, The A-C was delivered to my mailbox as it has been on so many, many Wednesdays over so many, many years before!

On a day when the folks at CountyNewsLIVE.com busied themselves working on their "Subscriber Telethon", The Hermann Advertiser-Courier brought solid local news reporting and a good dose of local advertisements to their readers.

We wish the folks over at CountyNewsLIVE.com all the best as they struggle to remain financially solvent.  And we thank Don Kruse, Cathi Utley, Erin Kottwitz and the entire staff over at The Hermann Advertiser-Courier for delivering the local news to us just like clockwork!  We can always count on The A-C ...... and that's a very comforting and reassuring feeling!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogpot.com/

Late Filings For County Offices

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Hermann Hearsay learned earlier this evening that two candidates for county-wide offices filed in the final hour of the open election filing period which ended at 4:30 pm on Tuesday, March 30.

Sharon Meyer will be running for County Clerk and filed as a Democrat.  She will run unopposed in the August primary election and then face incumbent Lesa Lietzow in the November general election.

Larry Miskel, Hermann's current mayor, will be running for Presiding Commissioner and filed as a Republican.  He will run against incumbent Ron Jost in the August primary.

Hemann Hearsay applauds Meyer and Miskel for stepping forth to challenge the entrenched incumbents.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Willie Nelson - You Were Always On My Mind

Personal Use Of County Assets By Elected County Officials And County Employees

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Investigative Reporter

County-owned telephones, computers, vehicles, and other assets ..... Do you think elected county officials and employees should be able to use these things for their own personal purposes?  Do you think elected county officials should be attending to their own personal business during normal office hours when they are being paid to do the work of the county?

You say no they shouldn't!  I happen to agree with you completely!  And I think most of the hard-working citizens of Gasconade County agree as well.

During the past several months I've been investigating the extent of this problem here in Gasconade County.  My confidential sources have pointed to a few incidents where county vehicles have been used for the personal purposes of a county employee.  I currently have in my possession several emails of a political nature which have absolutely nothing to do with county business and which were date and time stamped during the normal office hours of one of our prominent elected officials.  I presume these emails were sent out from a county-owned computer.  These emails were not sent directly to me, but were forwarded on to me by one of the original recipients.  Were I to publish these emails, the elected county official who originated them would be very embarrassed.  For now, I have chosen not to identify this official.  However, if I continue to receive more personal emails from this official which are date and time stamped during her normal office work hours, I will change my mind and blow the whistle!

The information I have has been turned over to my elected representative on the County Commission.  I have asked him to disuss these issues with the state auditors who are currently in town.  It is my position that these issues need to be further investigated.  Official audits of telephone and computer records need to be conducted.  Elected county officials who have access to county vehicles and who have employees under their charge should be interviewed about the policies regarding personal use of county assets within their departments.

Do you have any information regarding the personal use of county-owned assets here in Gasconade Reports?  If you do, I urge you to contact the state auditors who are currently working four days per week at the County Courthouse.

Jimmy Oldsun
Investigative Reporter
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

All Birds Fly FREE On Hermann Hearsay!

Published by Lois Lame, Lifestyles Reporter and Subscription Services

One of our competitors is making a big deal of their April promotion. They are offering a FREE subscription service to spouses!  Their promotion is that .... "Spouses fly free!"

I want to remind all of our readers that reader subscriptions here at Hermann Hearsay are totally FREE ...... FREE to you, FREE to your spouse, FREE to your snotty-nose kids, FREE to your domestic partner (if you swing that way), FREE to all your girlfriends (if you're a playboy), FREE to your brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces ,,,,,,, in other words we are FREE to anyone and everyone.  Always have been; always will be.

We were wondering if C.N.L. will be refunding the annual subscription fees for spouses who have already paid?  Will the April offer be retroactive?

Here at Hermann Hearsay we do not employ gimmicky promotional schemes.  We don't offer one-time discounts, one-time promotions or one-time anything.  Rates and fees are always the same here at Hermann Hearsay ..... FREE!  Our April promotion is the same as our March promotion which was the same as our February promotion which was the same as our January promotion.  At Hermann Hearsay, we are always FREE!  FREE to everyone each month throughout the year!

Why pay more?  Why respond to gimmicky promotions?

Lois Lame 
Lifestyles Reporter and Subscription Services
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Please Don't Send Us Money!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

We appreciate the loyal support of our readers!  But please don't send us your hard-earned money!  We are a FREE SERVICE!  FREE SUBSCRIPTIONS and FREE ADVERTISING!

During the past several months, we have received cash and checks from readers and advertisers who want to support our online news service.  While this has been deeply gratifying, we have returned the money in every case.  Thank you for your support, but we cannot accept your donations!

As you know, we operate Hermann Hearsay on a shoe-string budget.  We are very frugal.  Our reporters are NOT the top journalists in the county, so we don't pay them very much.  Our laptop computers are about five years old on average.  Rather than pay big money for fancy offices, we do our work at home and out in the community.  Our owner and founder is a real cheapskate! 

The only revenues we receive are from Google Ad Sense for allowing them to post their ads on our website.  If you want to support us financially, you can click on some of the Google Ads and visit the websites advertised by them.  Each time you click on one of these ads, we get paid ..... not very much, but it all mounts up over time.

Because of our unusual business model, our monthy cash flow is pathetic!  However, we are gaining a larger and larger readership every week.  And we are gaining more advertisers as the word gets out that we are FREE!  One of these days, we will have a huge readership with many satisfied advertisers.

Using this approach, we are slowly building "sweat" equity in our business.  A few years down the road, we project that we'll be able to sell our little online service for BIG BUCKS!  That's when we'll finally cash in!  Just like those few people who started out with Sam Walton while everyone else laughed at him down in Bentonville, Arkansas.

Please don't send your money!  We have a long-term plan to get filthy rich!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

No Further Cat Burglaries Reported By County Collector

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Investigative Reporter

Matt Penning's volunteer work crew last worked at the Gasconade County Courthouse ove the 2009 Labor Day weekend.  The following week a break-in was reported to courthouse employees by County Collector, Shawn Schlottach, according to a confidential source within the courthouse.  The implication or inference was that Commissioner Penning and/or one or more of his volunteers had entered Collector Schlottach's office without proper authorization.  Although Collector Schlottach made the "cat burglary" claim, no solid evidence was ever produced at that time.  Schlottach was subsequently confronted regarding her wild accusations by Commissioner Penning as well as one or more of his volunteers, but she denied that she had ever made such accusations against them.  At the time, her adamant denial seemed quite peculiar because our confidential source within the courthouse is usually very reliable.

Now, over six months later, we have checked with our confidential source in the courthouse, and we have been told that no subsequent "cat burglaries" have been reported by Collector Schlottach.  This is quite interesting!  One reported "cat burglary" at the courthouse immediately following the weekend during which Matt Penning's volunteer group worked and then no subsequent reported "cat burglary" since that time!

Our questions are these:

1. Did the reported "cat burglary" over the 2009 Labor Day weekend actually occur?
2. Who might have had the motive to break in to Collector Schlottach's office?  At that time, Schlottach appeared to point the finger of blame at Matt Penning and his volunteer workers.  But what would any of them possibly want in Schlottach's office?
3. Why was no evidence produced at that time which could lead to a successful prosecution and conviction of the alleged break-in?
4. Why didn't Collector Schlottach report the incident to the proper legal authorities instead of making her wild accusations and inferences in the presence of other courthouse employees?
5. Why have there been no further break-ins at the courthouse since last year's Labor Day weekend?  Is it because the "cat burglar" got what he/she wanted during the first break-in?  Or is it because the Penning volunteers have never again had weekend access to the courthouse since the 2009 Labor Day weekend?  Or is it because the first so-called "cat burglary" never actually occurred?

We don't have the resources to conduct a full investigation of this nature and we have no one on our staff who has the proper private investigator's license, so we have contracted the job to Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau, now retired from the French Police Force.  Inspector Clouseau will be arriving at Lambert International Airport this coming Wednesday.  He plans to spend a week on the case and report his findings to us before returning to Paris.

When we have more information to report, we will.

Jimmy Oldsun
Investigative Reporter
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Hermann Live Webcam Expose

Published by Jimmy Oldsun, Investigative Reporter

Live webcams have been used by the big TV stations in the big cities for over ten years.  But now, live webcams have come to Hemann, MO ...... population 2,700.

CountyNewsLIVE.com currently has two webcams broadcasting dramatic and breathtaking live video images.  CountyNewsLIVE.com is on the leading edge of hi-tech news coverage in the Hermann area.  No one even comes close to them when it comes to webcam broadcasting!

One of their expensive, articulated live webcams is mounted on the front outside wall of Wings-A-Blazin' at 120 East Fourth Street here in Hermann.  Look up the next time you go to Wings-A-Blazin' for hot wings and beer.  The camera is housed in a cool-looking white metal housing with a tinted windshield. The cool thing about this particular webcam is that you can see who's coming and going at a number of locations on Fourth Street.  If your spouse has threatened to divorce you, you can monitor the entrances to the law offices of Donald Althauser, Dennis Barks and Michael Mundwiller, all located on Fourth Street, to see if he/she might be seeking legal representation from one of them.  If you're interested in seeing if your husband or boyfriend might be purchasing flowers for you from the new flower shop on the north side of Fourth Street, you can keep an eye on that webcam image all day long from the comfort of your home or your office.

The other webcam is located in Dundee, MO and broadcasts an image of the Missouri River looking east and down the river.  This view will be very helpful if we are ever attacked by a hostile armada sailing up the river from St. Louis and toward our fair town.  I don't know what we'll be able to see in the dark of night since there is no light on the river in that location, so we may need to post sentries along the river during the night.  If we outfit them with cell phones they can call ahead to the offices of CountyNewsLIVE.com and leave a message on their voice recorder.  Hopefully, the folks at CountyNewsLIVE.com will be checking their messages through the night and will alert us all if we are under attack.  Hopefully we are not attacked from the west, and hopefully we are not attacked by submarines.

There used to be a live webcam focused on the entrance to People's Savings Bank.  I always found that view interesting.  You could monitor the comings and goings of bank customers.  There are a few Hermannites who must really have a lot of money.  I used to watch them come and go frequently.  I don't how big their deposits were, but I do know they made frequent deposits.  That view is no longer availale from CountyNewsLIVE.com.  Maybe those frequent depositers complained to the bank about the unwanted intrusion into their privacy and maybe bank officials asked Mr. Noedel to take his live webcam elsewhere?  We don't really know.  Our calls have not been returned.

In discussing the proliferation of live webcams with people down at the coffee shop, I have heard a variety of opinions.  Some say that they think all of these live webcams represent an intrusion into their personal privacy.  Some say it ought to be against a city ordinance for private companies to install live webcams in Hermann for their own private commercial use.  Some say they don't care one hoot in hell if CountyNewsLIVE.com wants to waste their resources on this live webcam technology.  Some say they support it and want to see more webcams in Hermann.  Locations most often mentioned by those who wish to see more live webcams are:  Sharp's Corner Tavern, the Concert Hall and Barrel Bar, weekly County Commission Meetings, weekly City Council Meetings, a special night vision camera to monitor the feral cats, and the emergency entrance to Hermann Area District Hospital.  Some have said they would like to be able to control the field of view and focus on these webcams.  Some CountyNewsLIVE.com subscribers have said that they would pay more to be able to view the video images in 3D.

Truman T. Tiger, our owner and founder, has said that he will wait to see how this technology is accepted by Hermann residents and the Hermann City Council before he invests any of his money in webcams.  Besides, the technology is likely to improve and become much less expensive.  "Until that time", Mr. Tiger quipped, "Hermann Hearsay will report to its readers that traffic continues to flow east and west on Fourth Street and that the Missouri River continues to flow from west to east here in the Hermann area."

Tell us your opinion of the live webcams in Hermann.  Do you like them?  Should they be legal?  Do you want more of them?  Where?  Would you pay more for 3D?

Jimmy Oldsun
Investigative Reporter
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Free Drawing for Elmer Fudd's Wabbit Stew and His Great Tasting German Potato Salad

Published by Lois Lame, Lifestyles Reporter and Advertising Account Representative

Not to be outdone by Wings-A-Blazin' and CountyNewsLIVE.com, Elmer J. Fudd has authorized Hermann Hearsay to run a free weekly drawing for two pounds of his famous Elmer Fudd's Wabbit Stew and two pounds of his imitation Newman's German Potato Salad.  (Note:  Elmer's German Potato Salad attempts to replicate the great taste of Matt Penning's famous potato salad recipe which he inherited from his Grandma Newman.  However, it is not the exact same recipe.  One of the differences is that Elmer uses wabbit bits while Matt Penning uses bacon bits.)

So please submit your names and telephone numbers so we can enter you into our free weekly drawing.  You need only submit your information one time, not every week.  We will make the first drawing next Friday and then every Friday thereafter.

Elmer is teaming up with our Advertisers Services Department to run this weeky drawing as a clever promotion for his catering service Elmer Fudd's Wabbit Stew Catering Service.  Elmer says you can call him 24/7 at his toll free number 1-800-WABBITS to place an order for his famous wabbit stew, German potato salad and all the fixin's.  Elmer says to buy your beer elsewhere, as he does not have a liquor license.

Hermann Hearsay reminds you that everything we do here is FREE ...... FREE weekly drawing, FREE subscription, FREE advertising, etc.  Why pay more?  Put http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/ into your Favorites and visit our website daily!

Lois Lame
Lifestyles Reporter and Advertising Account Representative
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Editorial Comment: The Information Age In Hermann - Or Is It The Misinformation Age?

Straight from the horse's mouth .....
An editorial comment by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

The Information Age has come to the City of Hermann much as it has come to the rest of the world.  Hermannites enjoy the use of all manner of modern day communication devices such as cordless telephones, voice recorders, mobile cellphones, pagers, iPhones, Blackberries, flat screen digital HDTVs, personal computers and so forth.  Hermannites routinely communicate with other people by telephoning them, by paging them, by text messaging them, and by exchanging emails with them.  Sometimes Hermannites even communicate the old-fashioned way by talking to their neighbors face-to-face in coffee shops, restaurants and smoke-filled taverns. 

Hemannites are as internet savvy as any other group of people on the planet.  We surf the net.  We purchase items and services online.  We blog, exchange ideas and "hook-up" with people we've never met.  And for the past two years, we've been reading local daily online news accounts published by various news media outlets.

The concept of daily online news reporting was first introduced into the Hermann area a couple years ago by Jeff Noedel when he began publishing HermannMuenster.com, along with various other local online news websites like BergerWithCheese.com and others.  Last November, the business partnership between Jeff Noedel and Glenn Warnebold came to an abrupt, angry and controversial end.  HermannMuenster.com changed its name to HermannNews.com under the ownership of the Warnebolds and the new online news service remained in their offices on Market Street, while Jeff Noedel and his staff moved around the street corner to an office on west Fifth Street.  Mr. Noedel soon re-emerged with his CountyNewsLIVE.com website.  So now, whether we really need them or not, we have two daily online news outlets ..... HermannNews.com and CountyNewsLIVE.com.  Along with The Hermann Advertiser-Courier and HermannAdvertiserCourier.com which are weekly publications and HermannHearsay.com which publishes articles on an irregular frequency basically whenever we damned well feel like it, it seems that we have more doggone local news stories than the average Hermannite can possibly read ..... unless, of course, he/she is retired or incarcerated in a penal institution of some sort.  I suppose we shouldn't complain about all of this local news coverage.  Afterall, it's much better than being totally uninformed.  Or is it?

Consider for a moment what we have gained since daily online news reporting first came to Hermann:

1. We now get duplicate and sometimes triplicate coverage of many local news stories.  How many accounts of city council, county commission and feral cat committee meetings do you really need or want to read?  The articles all end up looking pretty much the same to me!
2. We receive more coverage of the Hermann Bearcat sports teams than St. Louisans receive of the Cardinals, the Blues and the Rams.  Why do I need all this coverage of high school sports anyway?  I guess it would be fine if I had a snotty-nosed, spoiled teenager playing on one or more of the Bearcat teams!  Thankfully, I don't!
3. We've had the live webcams monitoring the intersection of Fourth and Market Streets, the entrances to Peoples Savings Bank on west Fifth Street and now we have the Fourth Street webcam.  Whoopdeedoo!  Why does Jeff Noedel think that I have the need (and the time) to be a mind-numb voyeur, sitting at my computer and watching Hermann people drive down Fourth Street?  Answer, Mr. Noedel?  I don't!  And I seriously doubt whether anyone else is interested in Fourth Street traffic.  Now, if you want to install your live webcams at the county courthouse and the city administration building to broadcast the weekly county commission meetings and city council meetings, I just might be interested.  Check around.  Maybe others would be interested as well.
4. We get daily weather reports brought to us by Dave Murray of FOX 2 News.  Why do I need this?  I watch ol' Dave enough on TV already ..... morning and evening.  I can also go to Weather.com whenever I feel the need. 
5. We get the obituaries of local people.  Are the obituary cards printed up and distributed by our local funeral home no longer sufficient for my needs?  Thanks, but I read these at the local coffee shops and restaurants.  And if I happen to miss any of the little cards, I can always refer to my weekly edition of The Hermann Advertiser-Courier.
6. We get nice photos of very tasty-looking food offerings by various restaurants throughout the county.  But wouldn't it be nice to also get the associated aromas?  Now that would really be super cool and revolutionary!  We already have digital high-definition video and audio broadcasting.  But wouldn't it be nice to have high-definition olfactory broadcasting to enhance our experience on these daily online news sites!  Get on that project, Mr. Noedel!  You could make journalism history!  And put Hermann on the map in so doing!
7. We get YouTube video clips.  Don't they think I'm capable of going to YouTube.com and watching video clips on my own?  I usually look at the funny ones and the political ones rather than the old TV commercials from yesteryear.
8. We also get lots of press releases sent out by every inconsequential organization in town and every inconsequential organization outside of town.  Why do I care when they're having their chili suppers?  Chili gives me gas.  Give me a break, Jeff!  If I'm not a member of these organizations, I don't give a tinker's damned what they're doing!

Now consider what we are not getting that we could and should be getting from all of our local high-powered journalistic talent:

1. Investigative reporting and critical exposes on the following topics of local interest:  "Whatever Happened To Jon Held And The GCCS?" ..... "Whatever Happened To The Horace Brown Engineering Study Regarding The Courthouse Access Road?" ..... "Have There Been Any Further Cat Burglar Incidents At The County Collector's Office?" ..... "Pigg Hollow Road - How Is It That So Much Money Was Spent On This One Particular County Road?" ..... "1,000 Hermann Feral Cats - What Are Their Names?" ..... "Chip And Seal County Roads - Is Associate Commissioner Jerry Lairmore Still Proposing The 1/2 Cent Sales Tax Hike?" ..... "State Auditors - What Are They Finding In Their Gasconade County Audit?" ..... "Whatever Became Of The Recommendations Made By The State Auditors In The 2002 and 2006 County Audits?" ..... "Gasconade County Courthouse Renovation and Office Expansion - Is Presiding Commissioner Ron Jost Still Looking For A Plan?" ..... Etc.  Maybe it's easier to publish "fluff" pieces rather than dig for information into the serious and important stories that readers really want to know about?
2. Editorials about matters of local interest.  I know our local daily online news publishers must surely have opinions, but we rarely see any op-ed pieces published on their websites.  Maybe they are just afraid of pissing off their paid subscribers and/or advertisers?  Here at Hermann Hearsay, we have NO paid subscribers NOR do we have paid advertisers.  We are a FREE site.  Therefore, we are completely FREE to speak our mind.  And if our readers don't like what we have to say, they can just go elsewhere!  We're not interested in winning any popularity contests here in the Hermann area!
3. Some lifestyle articles or regular columns like:  "Gourmet Food Recipes" ..... "Dating Tips For Old Farts" ..... "Wine Rankings and Wine/Food Pairing Recommendations" ..... "Beer Rankings and Beer/Food Pairing Recommendations" ..... "Best Cigar Lounges In Gasconade County" ..... "Sex Tips For Seniors" ..... Etc.  Do you think I'm asking too much?  It's just that I'm thinking I might be lured into laying down the price of an annual subscription IF I could get authoritative information on a few subjects like these!

Finally, there is one last thing I have to complain about.  And that is the lack of curiosity, penetration, objectivity and balance when reporting on city and county government matters.  I have observed way too much lack of curiosity by our daily online news publishers and reporters when they report on the operations of our city and county governments.  Trust me, there are stories behind the stories.  You know it, and I know it.  Why is it then that our new daily online news reporters stop short of investigating and reporting the real stories behind the stories that some of these government officials would have us accept?  Is it that there is too much pressure to put out quantity rather than quality?  Too much pressure to publish "35 short news articles over a weekend" (and then brag about it) rather than spending the quality time to thoroughly investigate some of the things that really need to be investigated and reported to the public?  Or does their superficial treatment of local government stories result from their feeling that problems and controversies are to be avoided?  Are the reporters and their publishers reluctant to publish the truth and risk alienating the government officals they are covering?  Afterall, if you alienate the people you are covering, you might lose your access to these people.  Best to go along to get along?  But what does the loss of access really matter if it means that you and your daily online news organization are having to positively "spin" the stories you publish about these people so as not to have your access cut off?  Hmmmmm?  The lack of complete objectivity and balance in reporting government news stories is also a problen.  I have observed far too many instances of this over the past two years.  When I have pointed such problems out in the past, my criticism has not been well-received.  As far as I can see, this problem (the lack of objective and balanced reporting) continues.  The problem will likely continue for two reasons:  (1) the public is not pushing these online reporters and publishers to "tighten-up" their loose, sloppy reporting and in many cases is not even aware that their reporting is being spun to make certain government officials look bad while at the same time making others look much better than they actually deserve and (2) certain of these reporters and publishers are just too arrogant to ever accept the criticism of their reporting and publishing that I am expressing.

Yes, the Information Age has come to Hermann.  Information is readily available to us through various media and from various sources.  But we must be careful to think critically and always question the validity, accuracy and completeness of the information we receive.  When reading news articles published in either a traditional printed newspaper or in an online news website, we must always ask ourselves:

1. Do we trust the reporter and publisher to deliver a fair, objective and balanced accounting of the story?  What are their personal biases and grudges?  Do we know?  Are we sure?
2. Does the reporter or publisher have any reason to "spin" the story one way or the other?  What do we know about their relationship or lack of relationship with the people they are covering in their news article?
3. Is there a "bigger" and "more important" story behind the story which has been published for the public's consumption?  If there is, in fact, a "bigger" and "more important" story behind the story, why are the reporter and publisher not telling us that story?  Are they blind to the "bigger" story because they lack sufficient curiosity as a journalist OR are they intentionally hiding the "bigger" story from us?  If they are hiding the "bigger" story from us, why?

So, where do you get your information?  Do you trust the source(s) you use?  Have they earned your trust?  Do you need to be reading all the information they are providing?  Is it worth your valuable time?

The explosion of information and the nearly instantaneous availablity of information in this Information Age can be a blessing or it can be a curse.  Make sure you are getting the information you need from trusted sources.  Ask yourself whether there is a "bigger" and "more important" story behind each story or news article you read.  Understand the fact that every reporter and every publisher has their own unique set of personal values, biases and preconceived notions, and ask yourself whether you are being "spun".

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Insider Information Regarding County Election Filings

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Hermann Hearsay has been contacted by a credible source who has obtained "inside information" regarding the planned late filings by several individuals for county offices. 

This "insider information" was provided to us under certain terms and conditions:

1.  that we wait until today Friday, 3/19/2010, to offer the information to our readers,
2.  that we provide the names of the individuals and offices for which they intend to file only to readers who pay $100 (cash) for the information,
3.  that those who receive the "insider information" promise not to discuss the information until the final day of filing, and
4.  that all funds received in exchange for our "inside information" be donated to the campaign funds of the candidates who challenge incumbents in the upcoming county elections.

We don't make it practice to allow others to dictate our editorial policy.  In this case, however, we have made an exception.  Therefore, if you would like to have this inside information before the final filing date when these candidates are intending to file for office, please contact us at 1-800-HEARSAY.  Your cash payment must be paid to us before we release the list of names, addresses and offices to you.

NOTE:  The list of names that we provide to you may not be a complete list as we cannot guarantee that our "source" (code name:  Cobra 1) has been able to develop complete and perfect intelligence on this subject.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Hermann Hearsay Business Stats (Updated thru 3/14/2010)

You can't see the details in this photo, but the number of Business Key Factors and Audience Stats we monitor is staggering!  Managing a leading local news website and a leading local dating website like ours is like being in the cockpit of a Boeing 747.  Fortunately, we take care of all that tedious management work for you, so that all you have to do is read and enjoy our websites.

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief of Hermann Hearsay and Lois Lame, Moderator of Hermann Hookups

# of days online ......... We've completely lost track.  (Does it really matter anyway?)
# of website visitors to date ......... About 456,765 (At least, we think so.  Could be off by +/- 90%.)
Highest # of unique website visitors in one day ......... About 25 (Least ways as close as we can figure.)
# of visitors who've gotten pissed off and left us ......... 1 (Username:  Anonymous.)
# of visitors who fart while reading our websites .......... 3 (We know that Elmer Fudd and Happy Shoveler are two of them.  The other one is still a mystery.)
# of visitors who are unemployed/retired and have nothing better to do than read our stuff .......... 5
Checking account balance .......... $2.98 (Plus $0.90 cash in office coffee fund.)
Outstanding loans from banks, life insurance policies and 401(k) accounts .......... $500.00  (Required to meet payroll for a slow week in January, 2010.)
Capitalization .......... 1 old HP laptop (Approximate value: $100.)

*  The above figures include both Hermann Hearsay and Hermann Hookups websites.  None of the above figures have been audited by an independent accounting firm, so don't hold us to 'em.  Besides it ain't really none of your damned business anyway!  We're a privately owned company, and our shares don't trade on any public stock market.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief, Hermann Hearsay
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/

Lois Lame
Moderator, Hermann Hookups
http://www.hermannhookups.blogspot.com/



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Editorial Comment - Hermann Hearsay Evaluating Future Expansion Plans

Straight From the Horse's Mouth .....
Editorial Comment by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Not too long ago, Hermann Hearsay expanded its operations by offering a new adult dating service to our readers and lonely men and women living in the Hermann area.  This local dating service, http://www.hermannhookups.blogspot.com/,  took off like a space rocket from the get go!  The once lonely participants on Hermann Hookups report that their dating lives and casual sex lives have greatly improved since we launched our service.  The once lonely, it seems, are no longer lonely!

Our absentee owner and our board of directors have been considering further expansion of services for the local area as well as for other small communities in Missouri.  We have carefully evaluated the rapid and aggressive business expansion of our primary competitors.  We are convinced that we will have to get bigger and better in order to successfully compete in the future.  Right now we are dead last in the ratings based upon the findings of a highly regarded independent internet website ranking firm.  While we ain't losing money, neither are we making a helluva lot of it!

Our owner and founder, Truman T. Tiger, wants to expand rapidly into new markets not yet dominated by the "Big Three of Hermann", thus denying any of our primary competitors the prestige and brand awareness advantage resulting from first entry into these markets.  The move into the local dating service was Hermann Hearsay's first move into one such market which had heretofore been virtually ignored by our competitors.  We were first into this market, and now we "own" the market. 

The following list of new market opportunities and registered website domains is currently being considered for our Hermann readers:

• Comprehensive, definitive calendar of all events in Hermann - http://www.hermannhappenings.blogspot.com/
• Leading edge medical information and free health advice for old geezers - http://www.hermannhemorrhoid.blogspot.com/
• Leading edge medical information and free health advice for menopausal women -http://www.hermannhysterectomy.blogspot.com/
• Hermann area residential real estate listing service - http://www.hermannhomesandhabitat.blogspot.com/
• Information about Hermann wineries, cocktail lounges and sleazy, smoke-filled saloons - http://www.hermannhooch.blogspot.com/

In addition to these new specialized Hermann websites, we are also considering moves into the following communities with the website domains we have purchased and registered:

• Berger, MO - http://www.bergerwithcheeselettuceonionpickleandcatsup.com/
• Bland, MO - http://www.blandbloviator.blogspot.com/
• Bourbon, MO - http://www.bourbonwhiskey.blogspot.com/
• Case, MO - http://www.casecrier.blogspot.com/
• Etlah, MO - http://www.etlahenema.blogspot.com/
• Holstein, MO - http://www.holsteinholstein.blogspot.com/
• McKittrick, MO - http://www.mckittrickmonitor.blogspot.com/
• New Haven, MO - http://www.newhavencloseshaven.blogspot.com/
• Rhineland, MO - http://www.rhinelandrumors.blogspot.com/
• Rosebud, MO - http://www.rosebudrant.blogspot.com/
• Stony Hill, MO - http://www.stonyhillsticksnstones.blogspot.com/
• Swiss, MO - http://www.swisssimmental.com/
• Treloar, MO - http://www.treloartallywacker.blogspot.com/

In order to execute our aggressive business expansion plan, we will need a small army of reporters, editors and advertising account representatives.  We don't pay much.  And we don't provide healthcare, life insurance, a 401(k) plan or anything extra.  On the otherhand, it's not too likely that we will fire you at the slightest provocation.  So, if you know anyone who might be interested in coming to work for us, please have them contact me at 1-800-HEARSAY.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
www.HermannHearsay.blogspot.com

Editorial Comment - Gasconade County Website Rankings

An Editorial Comment Straight From the Horse's Mouth .....
Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

The following article appeared recently over at CountyNewsLIVE.com .......

INDEPENDENT RESEARCH: CountyNewsLIVE.com is now top-ranked website in Gasconade County

Wed, 03/10/2010 - 09:26 — J. Noedel-Publisher

An independent Internet research company which monitors worldwide web traffic daily now reports that CountyNewsLIVE.com is the #1 most-popular website in Hermann, and in Gasconade County, Missouri. This includes other news sites, chambers of commerce, B&B sites and websites run by corporations and non-profits.

We here at HermannHearsay would like to know the name and email address of that "independent Internet research company" so that we might inquire about our own ranking within Gasconade County.  We wonder how HermanNews.com, GCSoapbox.com, HermannAdvertiserCourier.com and all the many others are doing.  We suspect that our ranking is pretty darned low.  On the otherhand however, we DO know for an absolute certainty that OUR income statement is "in the black" ...... not "bleeding red ink" as we believe is the case with a couple of our "competitors".

For the time being, we'll take our low ranking and bide our time.  We'll let our competitors spend themselves into non-existence by employing large staffs, paying unjustified office lease payments and paying contractors to put up live web cams all over our small town.  Our business consultants and CPA firm project that we will have the online news market all to ourselves within two years.  And this will only serve to drive up our future market value.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
http://www.hermannhearsay.blogspot.com/