HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Well, it's been a great 2009 here at Hermann Hearsay!  We've met a lot of new friends, and we've successfully launched our online daily news and "hearsay" website.  We couldn't be more thankful to our many loyal readers, and we're looking forward to an even bigger and better 2010.

And now it's that time of year when we pause to wish all of our friends and readers a HAPPY NEW YEAR and GOOD FORTUNE!!!  The entire staff here at Hermann Hearsay (Jimmy, Lois and myself) pause to thank you and wish you a happy, healthy and prosperous new year!

We will be knocking off work here at noon today for our first annual New Years office party ....... coffee and pie at 'Time For Pie'.  You're welcome to stop by for a cup of coffee and a piece of pie.  I will be leaving at 2:30 pm to watch Mizzou beat Navy in the Texas Bowl.  The game will be televised on ESPN.  GO TIGERS!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

FREE ADVERTISING WILL IMPROVE YOUR BOTTOM LINE!

Published by Lois Lame, Advertising Department

Are advertising costs becoming unaffordable for your struggling business?  Well then, advertise here with Hermann Hearsay for FREE!  Yes, FREE!  No catches, no fine print, no bull!

Just provide us a little background information and let our crack team go to work on an article advertising your products and/or services.  Here's what we need:

1. Name of business
2. In business since __________ .
3. Owner and/or manager of business
4. Location of business
5. Hours of operation
6. Products and/or services offered
7. Business telephone number(s)
8. Business email address
9. Business website

Call us at 1-800-HEARSAY or leave a comment with contact information and we'll call you!

Lois Lame
Advertising Department

Hermann Hearsay STILL FREE OF CHARGE!!!!!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

In an increasingly depressed economic environment where other online daily news outlets are charging their readers subscription fees and their advertisers advertisement fees, Hermann Hearsay is very proud to announce that it is STILL FREE OF CHARGE to EVERYONE!  Furthermore, Hermann Hearsay will REMAIN FREE OF CHARGE to EVERYONE as long as owner and founder, Truman T. Tiger, retains ownership of our online service!

How do we do it, you ask?  Simple!  We keep our cost structure lower than everyone else!  No fancy news department offices here!  No bloated salaries and benefit packages for me and my staff.  We are th lowest paid jounalists in Gasconade County.  In fact, I provide my own computer system, my own desk and chair, and even my own damned coffee!  Instead of burning up gas money driving to the scene of a breaking news story, we rely upon "hearsay" reports from our friends and contacts in the local community.  We do everything you can think of to hold our costs to a bare minimum.

You see, our owner is a miserly old fuddy-duddy of a businessman!  He can pinch a penny more than anyone I've ever seen!  Jimmy, Lois and I can criticize him all we want.  What's he gonna do?  Fire us?!  Nope, he'll never do that 'cause we work cheaper than anyone else he could find!

So friends, if you want to advertise on Hermann Hearsay for FREE, give us a call here at 1-800-HEARSAY or simply leave a comment on the website.  And if you have friends and associates who are looking to tap into local hearsay and gossip FREE OF SUBSCRIPTION CHARGES, send 'em our way.  We don't charge even one thin dime to those who want to read our Pulitizer prize-winning "hearsay reports"!

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Does Gasconade County really need a NEW $100,000 dump truck?

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

According to a news story which appeared in a local online daily news site yesterday, 12/28/2009, Gasconade County has received bids on a NEW $100,000 tandem dump truck.  Amazing that the county has solicited bids for a NEW truck during a period of time in which the county has had to cut employee benefits, withhold wage increases, and withhold money for basic repairs to the county courthouse!  Truly amazing! 

Road department "officials" are reviewing three bids recently submitted and will make their formal recommendation to Commissioners Jost, Lairmore and Penning next week.

Hermann Hearsay has studied the county's financial condition and opposes the purchase of a new truck at this particular time.  The county should not purchase a NEW truck at this time when the county's budget is so severely strained.  Hermann Hearsay asks the County Commissioners to answer these questions:

1. Why is a NEW truck needed?  Is the used truck it will replace beyond reasonable repair at a much lower cost?  How much would it cost to make needed repairs on the county's used truck?  How much would it cost to purchase a serviceable used truck in good condition? 
2. Is the County Commission proposing to buy the NEW truck outright or lease it over a period of years?  If the truck is to be leased, what will be the total cost to the county over the entire term of the lease?
3. Has the county investigated alternative means for hauling county materials?  Has the county investigated the feasibility of contracting out the hauling of its materials with a custom hauler?  What did the cost analysis reveal?  (In this cost analysis, the county should be careful to consider fuel and oil expense savings, tire replacement and repair expense savings, other maintenance expense savings, and the potential for labor cost savings and staff reductions.)
4. Would it not be a better use of county funds to repair and upgrade real non-depreciating county assets, in particular the county courthouse?  Why is it that there is never any money for needed repairs and renovation of the county courthouse, but there is always money available to purchase depreciating assets like trucks and other equipment for the road and bridge department?

Hermann Hearsay invites the County Commissioners to comment on these questions.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Hermann Hearsay FOR SALE!!!

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Recognizing that a certain dispossessed former co-owner of Hermann News (formerly known as Hermann Muenster) is in a desperate search for a daily online news website, Truman T. Tiger, owner and founder of Hermann Hearsay, today announced that he would be willing to sell ....... for the right price and other required terms of sale. 

According to Mr. Tiger .... "I might as well sell out now.  Rumor has it there will soon be a third daily online news website in Hermann.  This little one-horse town just ain't big enough to support three daily online news sites in addition to a real newspaper like the Hermann A-C.  Yep, I'm gettin' out of the news business while the gettin's good!"

Mr. Tiger has authorized me to publish his asking price and terms of sale in today's edition of Hermann Hearsay.

• Asking Price - $100,000 cash (small bills $50 denomination or lower)
• Absolutely No Owner Financing - Hermann Hearsay is not a freakin' bank for cryin' out loud!
• Continued Employment of Current Staff - Clark Kant, Editor In Chief (salary $15,000 plus free coffee); Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Writer and Assistant Editor (salary $12,000 plus free Mizzou season football tickets); Lois Lame, Staff Writer (salary $8,000 plus paid bar bill at the Sharp Corner Tavern)
• Editorial Policy Continued - While operating under the Hermann Hearsay banner, the new owners must agree that they will not blatantly take sides in local political disputes and thereby stir the pot of public controversy by publishing irresponsible one-sided reports.

I have been authorized to receive serious offers on behalf of the owner, Mr. Tiger.  I can be reached at this website by leaving a comment.  Or you may call me at 1-800-HEARSAY.  If none of this works, you can hunt me down at one of the coffee shops or one the bars in Hermann.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Ron Jost Calls For Meeting Between County Commissioners And The GCCS

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

According to an article published Alex Luft, Editor of the Hermann Muenster on Tuesday, 12/01/2009, Gasconade County Presiding Commissioner Ron Jost has called for a meeting between the County Commissioners and the GCCS to discuss plans for moving ahead with the courthouse renovation.

Wow!  The Muenster beat us to the punch on this story!  I sure didn't see this one coming!  When the meeting finally occurs, you can be sure I will be in attendance to report on the discussions and agreements.

Hermann Hearsay whole-heartedly supports the courthouse renovation and office expansion project.  Hermann Hearsay also supports the proposed second-floor courtroom renovation and restoration work which Northern District Commissioner Matt Penning is pursuing at the request of the judges.

Clark Kant
Editor In Chief

Stray Cats On Old Sand Plant Road

Published by Clark Kant, Editor In Chief

Article Written by Cynthia P., Freelance Writer

Residents along the Old Sand Plant Road in Hermann have been complaining about stray cats which are being dumped by their irresponsible owners.  The stray cat problem has become so bad that the cats are now reproducing and thus multiplying the nuisance factor.

One resident who prefers that we withhold his name has considered blasting the critters with his 12 ga. Remington pump and placing small IEDs in his yard.  I'm sure he was just kidding me ....... or was he?

Another resident I contacted by telephone in Florida has escaped for the winter with his wife to their second home in the sunshine state.  He told me conditions had deteriorated so much on Old Sand Plant Road that he and his wife could no longer tolerate it.  He said his wife, a very tender-hearted woman,
had been spending as much as $100 per week for cat food just to keep all the stray cats in the neighborhood from starving to death.

Residents along Old Sand Plant Road are asking the people of the Hermann area to please cease and desist from dropping off their unwanted cats.  If the cat problem persists, residents along the Old Sand Plant Road will be forming a Neighborhood Watch Group to catch and expose the guilty "cat dumpers".

Cynthia P.
Freelance Writer