Recognizing that a certain dispossessed former co-owner of Hermann News (formerly known as Hermann Muenster) is in a desperate search for a daily online news website, Truman T. Tiger, owner and founder of Hermann Hearsay, today announced that he would be willing to sell ....... for the right price and other required terms of sale.
According to Mr. Tiger .... "I might as well sell out now. Rumor has it there will soon be a third daily online news website in Hermann. This little one-horse town just ain't big enough to support three daily online news sites in addition to a real newspaper like the Hermann A-C. Yep, I'm gettin' out of the news business while the gettin's good!"
Mr. Tiger has authorized me to publish his asking price and terms of sale in today's edition of Hermann Hearsay.
- Asking Price - $100,000 cash (small bills $50 denomination or lower)
- Absolutely No Owner Financing - Hermann Hearsay is not a freakin' bank for cryin' out loud!
- Continued Employment of Current Staff - Clark Kant, Editor In Chief (salary $15,000 plus free coffee); Jimmy Oldsun, Staff Writer and Assistant Editor (salary $12,000 plus free Mizzou season football tickets); Lois Lame, Staff Writer (salary $8,000 plus paid bar bill at the Sharp Corner Tavern)
- Editorial Policy Continued - While operating under the Hermann Hearsay banner, the new owners must agree that they will not blatantly take sides in local political disputes and thereby stir the pot of public controversy by publishing irresponsible one-sided reports.
Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
$50,000 and not a thin dime more!
ReplyDeleteClark, I sure hope you don't lose your job if and when Hermann Hearsay is sold! Me and the boys have been missin' you down at the coffee shop!
ReplyDeleteWatch out that the new owner doesn't lock you out of the website, Clark! They like to do that to former owners and editors, I understand!
ReplyDeleteDad blame it, Clark! I hope you don't sell Hermann Hearsay to no foreigners!
ReplyDeleteClark, I suppose if someone buys Hermann Hearsay for $100,000 there gonna have to plaster advertisments all over the danged place! I'm gonna hate to see that!
ReplyDeleteI sure do hope that whoever the new owner is he/she will report on Gasconade County Commission Meetings. It's important that local citizens are kept informed of important statements made by Commissioners Jost, Lairmore and Penning!
ReplyDeleteClark, I sure hope the new owners keep you on as editor!
ReplyDeleteI hope Truman Tiger will reconsider selling Hermann Hearsay! I've talked it over with the boys down at the coffee shop, and we all want to keep things just the way they are!
ReplyDeleteDon't think you should sell out, Clark! Not even for $100,000! We love Hermann Hearsay just as it is!
ReplyDeleteCan I float Hermann Hearsay a small loan so you can get through this tight economy?
ReplyDeleteI am prepared to offer $90,000 ..... but I will need owner financing. Please ask Mr. Tiger if he will consider my offer.
ReplyDelete