Things are pretty slow in Hermann tonight! All the good stories have already been reported on by the Hermann A-C, HermannNews.com and CountyNewsLIVE.com.
However, I was able to dig up some stories that our competitors aren't covering:
- County roads are very muddy and soft after all the rain this morning which followed closely on the heels of the recent snow melt. Northern District Commissioner Matt Penning was out most of the day inspecting county roads. Matt says the county may have to invest in a zamboni machine to dry the muddy gravel roads.
- Ellie Mae Clampett reports that she's knocked up once again. The father could be any one of three lucky fellas.
- Elmer J. Fudd reports that the cottontail rabbits have come out of their holes once again now that the weather has moderated. Elmer should have his famous "Wabbit Stew" available again by Saturday. Phone your orders in to the Sharp Corner Tavern.
- The rumor mill at Time For Pie has it that Otis Campbell is in the drunk tank once again. Otis will need a ride home in the morning. Can anyone pick Otis up at about 9 a.m.?
- A stray cat was spotted at the northeast corner of 5th & Market tonight just after midnight. The sighting has been reported to Alderman John Penning.
- I received a telephone call from my girlfriend, Essie Marie in Columbia, just a few minutes ago. Essie wants to break up. Says she's fallen in love with one of the Mizzou basketball players. Says that, since I've been workin' the night desk here at HermannHearsay, we never get to see each other anymore. Journalism is a real tough profession! Guess I'll knock off for the night, go on home, and drink myself into a right good drunken stupor!
Night Desk Reporter
HermannHearsay.blogspot.com
Sorry 'bout your girlfriend, Jimmy!
ReplyDeleteClyde
I'm available, Jimmy! Call me!
ReplyDeleteEllie Mae
Pretty funny post.......all I'm gonna say is this.........you can joke and BS at Matt & Johnny's expense all you want but, none of you have the intestinal fortitude or "set" either of them has........that's blatently clear.
ReplyDeleteI'm no particular friend of Matt's because of a past matter but have NOTHING but respect for Johnny and know Matt is a lot of things but, he is passionate about what he believes and as far as the law suit...... he was RIGHT! You're not even in their league so give it up before you make yourself look stupid to a lot of long time Hermann residents.......
Dear Mr. Doe:
ReplyDeleteYou don't know what the hell you're talking about! You will have to read HermannHearsay over a long period of time to understand what we're all about.
First, we here at HermannHearsay are old friends of the Penning family, and you don't have the foggiest idea what you are talking about with respect to our relationship with them. Matt and John would be the first to laugh at some good-natured ribbing! Take a chill pill, ol boy!
Second, if you don't want to read HermannHearsay, go get lost. With your sour-ass attitude, we won't miss you one bit. We don't need people like you coming around here and barking at us!
Third, you are right .... Lois Lame doesn't have a "set" as you put it. Jimmy Oldsun is a young reporter for us, and so he is still growing his "set". As for me, I'm a crusty old fart, and I don't suffer fools like you lightly! If you want to see my "set", I'll bend over and you can kiss my ass!
All the best,
Clark Kant
Editor In Chief
HermannHearsay.blogspot.com
Wow, Clark! The lunatics have broken out of the asylum!
ReplyDeleteI noticed your readership has been increasing. Does this have anything to do with the recent exposure your website received in an article published by CountyNewsLIVE.com? You'd better upgrade your systems there so you can handle what is sure to be an explosion in new readership!
Alfred
Yo, Johnny Doe, welcome to the website!
ReplyDeleteCome on back when you have another thought!
D. Smoker
Don't really give 2 sheets. Post stand as it is......don't like it, don't care. As far as "ole' friends" goes, more than likely have you beat by.........hmmm, maybe 75 years at least.
ReplyDeleteWanna go "tongue in cheek" and have some fun? I'm your huckleberry..........I'd LOVE it! I'm your worst nightmare......a "good ole' boy" whom knows his way around computers and a whole lot of other things......let's "gitter' done"!
Dear Johnny Doe:
ReplyDeleteWe post all comments exactly as they are received (unlike some other sites). Our editorial policy relative to comment moderation is this: "If you're stupid enough to write it in a comment, we will certainly not restict, deny or abridge your God-given right to be stupid."
As far as your comment about knowing the Penning family and having me "beat by at least 75 years" in that regard, I find that ..... well, interesting. I've known the Penning family for about 55 years. If you've known them 55 + 75 = 130 years as you claim, that would make you at least 130 years old. You certainly are a real hi-tech, computer literate person for such an "advanced" age. My compliments!
I doubt you know the Penning family at all. Let's run a little test shall we?
1. Give me the first and last name of Matt Penning's grandfather on his mother's side.
2. Tell me what local business Matt's grandfather ran before he sold it and retired.
3. Tell me two of his grandfather's most loyal customers.
Well ....... I'm waiting patiently for your answers.
As far as your assertion that "you are my worst nightmare". Wow! Not sure what you mean about that, Johnny, but I'm sure you're a "nightmare" alright. I've been able to deduce that from your first two angry, confrontational comments on our website.
C'mon back if'n you want. We'll be happy to post your comments ..... without editing.
Clark Kant
Editor In Chief