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| A. E. Newman |
"Smoking helps you lose weight -- one lung at a time!" ~ Alfred E. Newman
Speaking from his mule ranch near Bland this morning, A. E. Newman announced that, if elected to the office of Southern District Associate Commissioner of Gasconade County in 2012, he will advocate for a county-wide law to bar smoking in all public and private gathering places. Newman said his proposed law would bar smoking in restaurants, bars, taverns, wineries, beer joints, VFW halls, Eagle halls, K.C. halls and everywhere that people gather to freely associate. Smoking would be permitted ONLY in private homes and on privately owned ranches and farms. Newman concedes that his proposal is highly controversial. He stated "If the people don't want me as their new Commish, they can just re-elect incumbent Jerry Lairmore. Afterall, I've got plenty of work to do out here with these damned mules!"
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